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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Dp walked off from me - am I in the wrong?

231 replies

Haliloa · 14/04/2024 16:17

So dp wanted us to go for a Sunday dinner this afternoon. We were in the shopping centre walking to find a restaurant to eat at when he stopped and told me to take a photo of him and our dear children that he could post to his social media.

I took the photos and as we walked off he then says ‘did you want one?’ Asking if I wanted a photo with our children. Wherever we go he always wants photos with the dc and will post them to his social media but will never include me, it’s like I don’t exist. So when he asked if I wanted one as we walked off it slightly triggered me as I feel a normal family would’ve just taken a family selfie with everyone included, just like I would’ve included him if I was taking a photo with the kids on a day out. It’s like he only remembered to ask me as we started walking off.

I simply replied no. I actually didn’t want one it wasn’t a big issue. But then he asked me again and I snapped and said ‘no I don’t and if you have to ask then it’s a real cuntish thing to do to leave me out’. I know I shouldn’t have snapped but this is the same scenario all the time, I’m always left out he just wants to show off him and the children like I am not there all the time.

anyway this bothered him because he completely walked off from me. I then caught up with him and he said he’s going home. I told him to grow up (may be hypocritical) and be mature as our children need to eat. So he said he wants to take them to eat without me and told me to go home. I told him ‘if that’s what you want’ and he said yeah that’s what he wants and he walked off and has gone to eat without me.

am I in the wrong? I know I shouldn’t have snapped, that’s what’s bothered him the fact I said ‘cuntish’ and we were in public (although no one noticed). But equally I’m tired of always being left out.

am I being unreasonable?

OP posts:
Cornishclio · 15/04/2024 00:22

So the issue really is that he pretends you don't exist? That would be enough for me to question the relationship and I certainly wouldn't be taking photos of just him and the DC. Why are you with him?

WhichEllie · 15/04/2024 00:46

Missmousie · 15/04/2024 00:02

It would take me quite some time to come down off the ceiling if my husband had spoken to me like that in public and in front of the children , nevermind not wanting to go for lunch , he'd be looking for somewhere else to sleep tonight and for a good few more besides.
Sorry OP no sympathy at all, it is quite the most disgusting language and all over a stupid selfie - if you're old enough to have children you need to stop behaving like one yourself.

You should really read all of OP’s posts. The only child here is him, telling people he is a single dad and using abusive language to the OP daily.

SheerLucks · 15/04/2024 01:39

Your language is appalling and I have no sympathy...

Pertinentowl · 15/04/2024 02:12

I got it first time, something about the way you posted. You were unsure of yourself. You get that when someone beats down your self esteem. And now you are at home obsessing over the punishment you know is coming, you know the next week is going to involve a lot of emotional pain.

have you heard of the freedom program? I think you would benefit from it. I don’t think you are ready to take in what you need
https://www.freedomprogramme.co.uk/online.php

The Freedom Programme Online Course

The Freedom Programme online course. Online version of the Home Study course and Living with the Dominator book by Pat Craven

https://www.freedomprogramme.co.uk/online.php

Kellogg1 · 15/04/2024 02:53

There’s only one reason he’s not ever showing you on his pics. He’s “single” and it would reveal the truth.

Hes got you whenever he wants but if he got another option he’s available for it.

SammyScrounge · 15/04/2024 03:07

DragonCatcher · 14/04/2024 16:20

I think you overreacted. You've told him before that it bothers you being left out. When he's remembered to ask you, you've said no. Then you've c bombed him.

All very over dramatic about nothing. Next time just politely ask him to take one for you when you want one.

This.

Bellsandthistle · 15/04/2024 04:08

I wish people would read the thread. This man is abusive and you’re telling OP she’s appalling and undeserving of sympathy…

AgentJohnson · 15/04/2024 04:30

Just because your children didn’t witness it, doesn’t mean they are not troubled by it, they ended up having lunch with one parent because of the spat. It’s time to sort your issues out like adults because you waiting for him to do the thing he does that you don’t like, is toxic for everyone.

KomodoOhno · 15/04/2024 05:01

MILTOBE · 14/04/2024 16:25

I'd wonder who was on his social media that he was trying to impress, tbh.

I'm thinking the same thing

cerisepanther73 · 15/04/2024 05:09

Grow up all the posters who are obsessionally pearl clutching frantically at that word

That word Cuntish

like some other poster said that word Cunt has different meanings variations socially and geographically in contexts,

@Haliloa
Is obviously 🙄 in emotionally psychologically abusive relantship or and emotionally vunerable
due to proberly shit 💩 dysfunctional family dynamics upbringing background,

He is either a performative Dad who is allmost constantly insecure needing constantly validation from social media for his inadequacies etc,

or
He could be leading a double life having a single life on the sly somewhere else etc

dizzydizzydizzy · 15/04/2024 05:52

Having just come out of an abusive relationship, it sounds to me like you are being abused OP.

Your partner is showing off and you seem full of what you have done wrong - which is typical of domestic abuse.

dizzydizzydizzy · 15/04/2024 05:53

Havw a chat with women's aid, OP.

mamajong · 15/04/2024 06:46

I had to read this twice to be sure I hadn't missed anything. Unless there is a bigger picture here why on earth is it an issue that he wants a picture with DC and why are you so needy that you have to be in the pictures?! And if you did why not just say 'let's take a selfie with all of us' rather than say nothing and then take issue that he didn't ask you after you chose to say nothing. Then you drop the c bomb in a shopping centre in front of your kids?? I'd have asked you to leave too after that.

IncompleteSenten · 15/04/2024 06:54

mamajong · 15/04/2024 06:46

I had to read this twice to be sure I hadn't missed anything. Unless there is a bigger picture here why on earth is it an issue that he wants a picture with DC and why are you so needy that you have to be in the pictures?! And if you did why not just say 'let's take a selfie with all of us' rather than say nothing and then take issue that he didn't ask you after you chose to say nothing. Then you drop the c bomb in a shopping centre in front of your kids?? I'd have asked you to leave too after that.

When you read it twice, did you read the OPs updates twice as well?

Epidote · 15/04/2024 06:59

OP, I had a burnt smell when I read your first post. And now I'm going to go to the important point. He is winding you up. He want you to look the bad guy. He want you to snap or slip to portray himself as the victim, because "you know, he just asked you to take a photo"
I'm sorry that you have to deal with this passive aggressive crap in your own house.

ChimneySweepLiverpool · 15/04/2024 07:12

Hopefully you are doing ok OP since updating the thread last?

mamajong · 15/04/2024 07:54

IncompleteSenten · 15/04/2024 06:54

When you read it twice, did you read the OPs updates twice as well?

No, tbh I responded to the post as it was written, however I did say 'unless there is a bigger picture' if there is, not sure why it wasn't included from the outset

PenguinLord · 15/04/2024 08:36

mamajong · 15/04/2024 06:46

I had to read this twice to be sure I hadn't missed anything. Unless there is a bigger picture here why on earth is it an issue that he wants a picture with DC and why are you so needy that you have to be in the pictures?! And if you did why not just say 'let's take a selfie with all of us' rather than say nothing and then take issue that he didn't ask you after you chose to say nothing. Then you drop the c bomb in a shopping centre in front of your kids?? I'd have asked you to leave too after that.

maybe you should have read the updates.

BoudiccaOfSuburbia · 15/04/2024 08:57

OP, do you live together?

mamajong · 15/04/2024 09:57

PenguinLord · 15/04/2024 08:36

maybe you should have read the updates.

Maybe should be added it to the post in the first place

PenguinLord · 15/04/2024 10:11

mamajong · 15/04/2024 09:57

Maybe should be added it to the post in the first place

Clicking on 'see all' takes 1 second. OP also explained why this was not added.

IncompleteSenten · 15/04/2024 10:29

mamajong · 15/04/2024 07:54

No, tbh I responded to the post as it was written, however I did say 'unless there is a bigger picture' if there is, not sure why it wasn't included from the outset

Yes. It often happens that the op adds more information over the course of the thread, often in response to questions. It can change the picture quite a bit.
Mumsnet has a handy button to click on that shows all op posts to make it easier to get the full picture. "See all".
I think it's not available on the app although I'm not sure but they also have a feature that allows all op posts to be a different background colour so they are easily identifiable through a thread without having to search for them or read all posts from others.

lovepotionnumbernine · 15/04/2024 11:47

I'm sorry but YABU. My ex regularly called me a cunt. It's a horrible insult. It was ten times worse when he did it in public, you might not think anyone heard but they probably did. And all over a photo.

Gymnopedie · 15/04/2024 12:51

And all over a photo.

And everything else that's behind it. Read the updates.

thepastinsidethepresent · 15/04/2024 13:16

Honestly, this is one where people need to read all the OP's posts rather than diving in all pearl-clutchy just because OP said a naughty word. 🙄