Dp walked off from me - am I in the wrong?

[Haliloa]

So dp wanted us to go for a Sunday dinner this afternoon. We were in the shopping centre walking to find a restaurant to eat at when he stopped and told me to take a photo of him and our dear children that he could post to his social media.

I took the photos and as we walked off he then says ‘did you want one?’ Asking if I wanted a photo with our children. Wherever we go he always wants photos with the dc and will post them to his social media but will never include me, it’s like I don’t exist. So when he asked if I wanted one as we walked off it slightly triggered me as I feel a normal family would’ve just taken a family selfie with everyone included, just like I would’ve included him if I was taking a photo with the kids on a day out. It’s like he only remembered to ask me as we started walking off.

I simply replied no. I actually didn’t want one it wasn’t a big issue. But then he asked me again and I snapped and said ‘no I don’t and if you have to ask then it’s a real cuntish thing to do to leave me out’. I know I shouldn’t have snapped but this is the same scenario all the time, I’m always left out he just wants to show off him and the children like I am not there all the time.

anyway this bothered him because he completely walked off from me. I then caught up with him and he said he’s going home. I told him to grow up (may be hypocritical) and be mature as our children need to eat. So he said he wants to take them to eat without me and told me to go home. I told him ‘if that’s what you want’ and he said yeah that’s what he wants and he walked off and has gone to eat without me.

am I in the wrong? I know I shouldn’t have snapped, that’s what’s bothered him the fact I said ‘cuntish’ and we were in public (although no one noticed). But equally I’m tired of always being left out.

am I being unreasonable?

Is he having an affair? It’s really odd that he only takes photos of himself with the kids.

Then she could have asked for a photo, the same way he did, it’s so simple.

What a bizarre paranoid thought process 🤦‍♀️

He’s not refused to have a family photo though, just asked the OP to take the picture - this is such a paranoid response.

How utterly paranoid. He wanted a pic with the kids and she took it, totally normal. It’s hardly affair behaviour to show your kids. Give over.

I would have walked away from you too after your outburst.

Perhaps an apology to your husband and explain, calmly, why it upset you.

Well Im not so sure? My DH always insists on pictures of me and me snd the children. We don’t have social media but we are what he wants to remember. Why isn’t the OP someone the DH wants to photograph?

If my husband called me a cunt in front of my children once I would want one hell of an apology.

If my husband called me a cunt in front of my children again I would want a divorce.

Do you regularly speak to your husband like that?

Maybe because she’s the kind of person who calls her husband a cunt, just a thought!

Jesus, those poor kids. Way to ruin the day.

Anything to.stop you saying
'Let's take a family selfie'
If that's what you want?

He wants a nice picture with his kids, someone has to take it.

What is “cuntish” is calling their father that in front of the children.

It’s also pretty low class to say being left out of a photo is “triggering.” That’s a term for something bringing up trauma, not for something petty like not being in a photo on his Facebook page. It devalues those who actually experience trauma to have it bandied about for a strop.

The whole situation was so unnecessary. Poor kids, being stuck in the middle.

Who does he think wants to see photos of him walking along with his kids. I can’t stand Facebook because of the boring stuff people post. Just go out for lunch for god sake - most of us manage without needing to document it. And clean up your language in front of your kids.

It was not in-front of the children, they were off to the side playing at a game/ride in the mall.

this has been an issue for a long time, the point is he NEVER includes me in the photos. Every time we go somewhere or do something as a family he always takes photos with the kids and posts them and portray that it’s just them and like I am not there. He has NEVER posted one with any inclination of me being there, even on the odd chances we have taken a group photo he will still only choose the photos of him and the kids and deliberately leave me out.

yes I overreacted I know that, but this has been a build up for a very long time (years in fact). I ignore it, which I was doing, until we were mid walking away and he then half heartedly asks me last minute if I want one with the kids. I don’t understand why we can’t just take a group photo or a couple different variations. It’s constantly him wanting to show off with his kids and hide me.

me calling his behaviour ‘cuntish’ was out of line and honestly just came out of nowhere, but this is not every day language from me.

Cunt is a special level of its own when you use it with regards to your partner. It means you've already gone up all the other levels of contempt over the way you've been made to feel in the relationship over time. Of course if you snap you're then the bad one.

No way of knowing with just a snapshot though.

It's really not odd at all.

I wouldn't want to sit and eat dinner with you in his position, after your outburst and the language used, especially with kids present.

Next time he asks you, tell him to take a selfie instead. It'll just wind you up when he asks now.

Why don’t you just ask for a photo then, the exact same way that he does.

Also, you don’t suddenly start using the word “cunt” out of nowhere when on the way to a family lunch if you’ve never before.

So use your words, when he says take a pic say let’s take a group photo. It’s not hard.

Agree.

You snapped and it was ugly, I don’t blame you, I would want to know why I was never included in his posts too, I would ask if he’s ashamed of me.

You don’t make it clear if he was asking if you want to be in the picture, in which case he has obviously listened to your previous complaints and was trying to please you,

or is you wanted a picture of you and the kids for your own use ? In which case, yes he was in the wrong.

you were wrong for snapping and calling him that, in public or in private infront of the children or not, that name is unacceptable.

but I understand why you snapped, and in the heat of the moment I understand why you walked away.

i think now it’s a case of damage limitations, I would apologise to the children, explain that mummy was upset and why, and that you’re sorry you missed their dinner.

as for your Dp I would apologise for calling him that then ask him what he to clarify what he was suggesting , and explain why your hurt. See what his answers are and how you want to move on,

Does he often set up situations so you'll react @Haliloa ?

My thoughts exactly, how odd to only ever post photos of himself and the children like the OP doesn’t exist, I’m not surprised she’s upset.

You weren't in the wrong.

WTF