Dp walked off from me - am I in the wrong?

[Haliloa]

So dp wanted us to go for a Sunday dinner this afternoon. We were in the shopping centre walking to find a restaurant to eat at when he stopped and told me to take a photo of him and our dear children that he could post to his social media.

I took the photos and as we walked off he then says ‘did you want one?’ Asking if I wanted a photo with our children. Wherever we go he always wants photos with the dc and will post them to his social media but will never include me, it’s like I don’t exist. So when he asked if I wanted one as we walked off it slightly triggered me as I feel a normal family would’ve just taken a family selfie with everyone included, just like I would’ve included him if I was taking a photo with the kids on a day out. It’s like he only remembered to ask me as we started walking off.

I simply replied no. I actually didn’t want one it wasn’t a big issue. But then he asked me again and I snapped and said ‘no I don’t and if you have to ask then it’s a real cuntish thing to do to leave me out’. I know I shouldn’t have snapped but this is the same scenario all the time, I’m always left out he just wants to show off him and the children like I am not there all the time.

anyway this bothered him because he completely walked off from me. I then caught up with him and he said he’s going home. I told him to grow up (may be hypocritical) and be mature as our children need to eat. So he said he wants to take them to eat without me and told me to go home. I told him ‘if that’s what you want’ and he said yeah that’s what he wants and he walked off and has gone to eat without me.

am I in the wrong? I know I shouldn’t have snapped, that’s what’s bothered him the fact I said ‘cuntish’ and we were in public (although no one noticed). But equally I’m tired of always being left out.

am I being unreasonable?

Just read full thread.
The issues in your relationship are huge. I wouldn’t be with someone who pretended I didn’t exist. That’s so very wrong.

Oh and in terms of the language? For one photo; probably not ok but the whole situation sounds massively cuntish to be fair so well described.

I'm going to suggest you both grow up.

Having read your updates, I’d say you are in (at best) a shitty, toxic relationship. If my DP was making out he was single I’d be gone!

From your initial post I wondered if he was pretending he was single (as an ex used to do the same). Social media is silly and I agree people shouldn’t place so much importance on it, but when your partner completely hides you from it, it hurts for one, and can be a sign that they’re playing away. (Emphasis on CAN for people who think that’s dramatic).
From your updates I see this is part of a much bigger issue. If you have to leave things out in fear of people telling you to LTB, well then, you probably should.
You could have handled it better. Absolutely. But I don’t blame you for being hurt. He should be proud of you and the life you all share. He doesn’t value you like you want and deserve to be valued.
Time for some soul searching op xxx

he has a history of portraying and telling people he is a single dad and not with me. He purposely leaves me out of anything he posts because he doesn’t want anyone to see me or find out about me (most people just know that he has a ‘baby mom’)

OP this is awful and suggests he wants to have other options. Why are you still with him?!

“Cuntish” is not ”Cunt”- I think you’ve left it grey enough not to feel bad 🙂
Hes purposely excluding you to make himself seem like some kind of dad of the year. And what else? Leave his social
media free of the burden of a wife? It seems banal but I totally get where you’re coming from.

I would see the need for constant photos with the children, solely to post on SM, an example of performance parenting. So yes that would irritate me. I hate having my photo taken so that aspect would be fine, the rest I’m not sure warrants your use of the word cunt, but I’m guessing a big back story.

OP, I don’t want this to come across unkindly, but are you sure you are actually in a relationship? He tells people he’s single, he acts like you don’t exist, all people know is that there is a baby mama somewhere. Are you sure he isn’t saying this because it’s what he actually believes?

Do you live together? Do you share finances? Do you spend time with each other’s friends and families?

I just worry for you that one day you’ll find out he has a relationship with someone else, you’ll accuse him of cheating and he’ll say, “But we’re not together, I’ve always said that.”

It sounds as if you are at a point where you both need to look honestly and openly at the state of your relationship and communication, probably with professional couples counselling support.

Would you both be up for that?

You can’t live like this, OP, it will sap your sense of self and eat you up. And it isn’t good for the kids.

I’m not saying LTB, I’m saying find a safe space to be able to talk and listen and work out how to get your teamwork, respect and mutual empathy back. To equip yourselves to work together to run your family.

I never have pictures of dh on my fb. It's always me and the kids or usually just the kids. Happily he doesn't think I'm trying to delete him from our lives 🙄

If my husband called me that, for any reason, I'd be handing him divorce papers.
In front of your children too. Classy.

You swore at him in public and in front of your children? I'd have walked off too and I certainly wouldn't be sitting down for a meal with you!

for those that wish to know, he has a history of portraying and telling people he is a single dad and not with me. He purposely leaves me out of anything he posts because he doesn’t want anyone to see me or find out about me (most people just know that he has a ‘baby mom’).

Then he is 'cuntish'. But the OP didn't mention that.

If he is horrible to you and pretends not to be with you, you do need to not be with him. But you won't, for some reason. So you are giving him a green light to treat you like shit. Your choice but not one I would make.

1. He is hiding you and pretending to be single?

Bin.

1. He sent you away so you cannot have dinner with your own children?

Bin.

Pick up your standards from the basement area. If bloke is not happy for a world to know you are together he belongs to trash.
That being said, tell hem (when children are asleep) that you are fed up with him playing to be single when you very much exist as part of his family life.
If he continues to hide you open up tinder and get yourself new contacts. He is not only man alive.

And for everyone crying about "cuntish" - grow up. He should have brought 19ct sailors repertoaire on him for hiding her.
Children will learn what cunt is. They all crawled out of one in the end.

As yes, that is what will be fixated on and I’ll be told to leave the relationship
Why do you not want to be given this advice?

It’s the man’s fault. Obviously.

You were probably both a bit unreasonable, but he comes across worse, even before your updates. If he was so upset by your comment that he couldn't bear to sit through dinner with you even for the children's sake, then it was fine for him to make an excuse and go home, not send you home like a naughty child. I think the "cuntish" thing is a red herring as that word has multiple uses and connotations that vary widely geographically and socially, and even in places where it is used liberally it's become a deeply gendered term that simply isn't anything close to equivalent when directed to a man versus a woman (that will wind up the goers, but it's absolutely true).

You both have some things to apologize for, but it sounds like you're already willing to admit fault. Can you have a conversation with him, once you've both calmed down, and discuss whether there's anyway for him to stop being so fucking weird about the pictures, and whatever other ways he situationally pretends to be single? You shouldn't be suffering in silence over that; figure out if the issue is fixable or not.

You deserve better, OP.

You deserve someone who is happy and proud to be with you, not someone who actively hides your existence and pretends you don't exist to everyone, presumably to keep his options open...

You deserve better.

It would take me quite some time to come down off the ceiling if my husband had spoken to me like that in public and in front of the children , nevermind not wanting to go for lunch , he'd be looking for somewhere else to sleep tonight and for a good few more besides.
Sorry OP no sympathy at all, it is quite the most disgusting language and all over a stupid selfie - if you're old enough to have children you need to stop behaving like one yourself.

I'd separate from him, if he's telling people he's a single dad he's up to something or trying to be.

There is a big difference between calling someone a cunt and describing their behaviour as cuntish. However, it does give ammunition to the abusive person to use against you.

He is being abusive and is engaging in parental alienation which is not only abusive to you but abusive to your children.

Children love both of their parents and what he is doing is very wrong.

Sorry - a bit off topic - but what the hell has @tenderstem81 been posting for everyone of their posts to be deleted?!

Given your updates, the way he’s been behaving is objectively cuntish, you were not wrong. Look up reactive abuse.

You’re not in the wrong at all. I don’t see how he can object to you using a word he uses regularly at you. And he doesn’t sound like a catch, I’d let him go and be single if I were you? What are the reasons you haven’t done this? He is a cunt. Any man in a relationship who puts effort into portraying himself as single is.