Dp walked off from me - am I in the wrong?

[Haliloa]

So dp wanted us to go for a Sunday dinner this afternoon. We were in the shopping centre walking to find a restaurant to eat at when he stopped and told me to take a photo of him and our dear children that he could post to his social media.

I took the photos and as we walked off he then says ‘did you want one?’ Asking if I wanted a photo with our children. Wherever we go he always wants photos with the dc and will post them to his social media but will never include me, it’s like I don’t exist. So when he asked if I wanted one as we walked off it slightly triggered me as I feel a normal family would’ve just taken a family selfie with everyone included, just like I would’ve included him if I was taking a photo with the kids on a day out. It’s like he only remembered to ask me as we started walking off.

I simply replied no. I actually didn’t want one it wasn’t a big issue. But then he asked me again and I snapped and said ‘no I don’t and if you have to ask then it’s a real cuntish thing to do to leave me out’. I know I shouldn’t have snapped but this is the same scenario all the time, I’m always left out he just wants to show off him and the children like I am not there all the time.

anyway this bothered him because he completely walked off from me. I then caught up with him and he said he’s going home. I told him to grow up (may be hypocritical) and be mature as our children need to eat. So he said he wants to take them to eat without me and told me to go home. I told him ‘if that’s what you want’ and he said yeah that’s what he wants and he walked off and has gone to eat without me.

am I in the wrong? I know I shouldn’t have snapped, that’s what’s bothered him the fact I said ‘cuntish’ and we were in public (although no one noticed). But equally I’m tired of always being left out.

am I being unreasonable?

Language, I agree is not good but this guy is portraying himself as single with kids, as if she doesn't exist, so the issue is not what was said (and again it was not her finest moment), its his gaslighting and defection that is the concern that made her blow. It is most definitely not nothing, she has a very valid concern.

OP , this has triggered something in you and I completely understand.
You feel like he just wants to show off to SM its him and the kids, and obviously this has been an ongoing issue.
My ex's family do this and put pictures up ect when reality is they see my son probably once every 2/3 months! It's all for show.
You've reacted verbally but I'm guessing he's verbally abusive towards you?
It gets pent up inside us and we snap at a situation most people wouldn't, then the verbally abusive one gets to play the victim(classic narcissism) .
Hope your ok, my ex was very much like this (verbally sometimes physically) and when I'd stand up for myself he would become the victim and I'd be the abusive one.
Look up reactive abuse.

This might sound daft but have you told him how this makes you feel before or have you bottled it up? If it's the first time he's hearing about it, and it's in such an aggressive way, he's not going to want to see your point of view.

That aside, it sounds like you have bigger things to be dealing with.

Now that I have read the fuller account of his behaviour I feel a bit bad about what I initially said, like a lot of posters I did not have the full picture and was not aware of what he is up to. The second post from the OP explains a lot more about what is really going on

I get it...

He only wants pics that you are not in. WTF.

You need to know why he does that, so ask him. Depending upon what he says in answer, you can decide what to do knowing why he does it...

I'd get pd off with this too. Shame it built up the way it did though.

I def would not have gone home leaving him with the kids.

Why do you let him boss you?

If that’s how badly he wants to treat you and wants to pretend to be single then let him be single. And you focus on you and your children and build a lovely life without him in it.

I don't think he deserved to be called what you called him. Also, not everyone likes selfies....they are always a bit rubbish aren't they?! I think it's all one big over reaction over a modern and somewhat meaningless dilemma.

This is a bit like the smoking thread with the controlling wanker of a partner - you don't deserve any sympathy because you gasp used a rude word.

OP you're not in the wrong here. Even before your updates he sounded like a massive cunt.

So many posts from Tenderstem is that your dp.

Think you both need to calm down a bit.
Dp is rude for constantly leaving you out and if he ever asks again I’d say let’s ask someone to take one of all of us as I’d like to be in the photo. I’d do this all the time till he gets it.

Your dp acted very immaturely by saying he didn’t want you to go for a meal. That’s just pathetic.

You need to have a chat together about why you were upset and he needs to stop acting like a knob.

I simply replied no. I actually didn’t want one it wasn’t a big issue

But you did want a picture and it was a big issue for you. Why say the opposite?

Because it was the camel that broke the back get it

The photo was how this all came about but that is not the actual issue. The issue is that her partner, father of her children is portraying himself as a single father on social media and he wanted to take yet another picture without his partner for social media? bit suspicious don't you think particularly as she has discussed this with him many times.

Very odd situation that your partner wants to pretend you're not together and that he's a single Dad. Odd situations quickly and often turn dangerous so please consider if this is a safe situation for you to remain in.

@Haliloa

It's a real shame you didn't include the latest infor about the state of your relationship right at the start of your mumsnet thread

What a difference it would have made in regards of the replies from posters on here for Sure..

Totally sounds like you were in the wrong. He offered to take a photo of you. You then used the C word. Totally unnecessary.

Ah ok.. just read your update! You have drip fed… should have said this first. Why does he pretend you don’t exist?

Either post your own photos with you all there every single time, or dump him and let him see what being a single dad is really like

She used the cunt word we can swear here on mumsnet and not be censored for it you know.

and try reading her comments too she’s has updated and he is a grade A cunt

#@Haliloa

I wonder if he could have a second life elsewhere messing around, cheating 🤔 elsewhere
or up to no good in a different way or ways ,

How very strange

OP, YANBU to be feed up of him not including you in the photos, however you are VU for no address this before and your reaction was way over the top.

Don't loose your cool, don't give him the chance to swap the blame.

I don't know why but my senses are telling me that there is more behind this photo situation.

@Angelsrose

Totally agree too with your emotionally intelligent and insightful sage full advice,

Please take heed @Haliloa it's a bloody massive communist banner size flag waving in the air suspect suspicious 🤔 behaviour and mindset right there,

It's allmost like you don't exist the way your so called Partner acts like about you to others

You deserve a hel of a lot better
If you good enough to be involved with and mate with and have his children

Then he should be open and proud 👏🏿 that you are his partner and mother of his children

He's one hell of a shifty character and he is so brazen about being like this too,

I think 🤔 it be for the best to get as much support emotionally and practically for yourself and your young family and seriously consirder and split up with him,

Cause Actions speak louder than words

His attitudes are very telling..

It all sounds weird.

Are you two married and/or do you live together? Or do you just see him at weekends?

@Epidote

Isn't there just,

Totally agree with your insightful post,

My spiderey senses are telling me too that there is lot more behind the photo 📸 situation too .

Swearing like that in front of your children is grim.
You completely overreacted, no wonder he walked away.

Ok. Your update helps.
Is there a reason why he tells people he is a single dad? Are you actually a couple?

As others have said your language was …. ill advised but you said the kids did not hear. What is much more important than today’s argument is that this man does not want to be with you. He not only does not publicly acknowledge your relationship, he actively denies it.

I have no idea why you would want to to continue with this ‘situation ship’ because you can do better than someone who denies your relationship exists. Being single is infinitely preferable to that….