Dp walked off from me - am I in the wrong?

[Haliloa]

So dp wanted us to go for a Sunday dinner this afternoon. We were in the shopping centre walking to find a restaurant to eat at when he stopped and told me to take a photo of him and our dear children that he could post to his social media.

I took the photos and as we walked off he then says ‘did you want one?’ Asking if I wanted a photo with our children. Wherever we go he always wants photos with the dc and will post them to his social media but will never include me, it’s like I don’t exist. So when he asked if I wanted one as we walked off it slightly triggered me as I feel a normal family would’ve just taken a family selfie with everyone included, just like I would’ve included him if I was taking a photo with the kids on a day out. It’s like he only remembered to ask me as we started walking off.

I simply replied no. I actually didn’t want one it wasn’t a big issue. But then he asked me again and I snapped and said ‘no I don’t and if you have to ask then it’s a real cuntish thing to do to leave me out’. I know I shouldn’t have snapped but this is the same scenario all the time, I’m always left out he just wants to show off him and the children like I am not there all the time.

anyway this bothered him because he completely walked off from me. I then caught up with him and he said he’s going home. I told him to grow up (may be hypocritical) and be mature as our children need to eat. So he said he wants to take them to eat without me and told me to go home. I told him ‘if that’s what you want’ and he said yeah that’s what he wants and he walked off and has gone to eat without me.

am I in the wrong? I know I shouldn’t have snapped, that’s what’s bothered him the fact I said ‘cuntish’ and we were in public (although no one noticed). But equally I’m tired of always being left out.

am I being unreasonable?

Can’t help but think if that was actually true it would have been included in the OP.

It’s very “oh I thought everybody would be on my side, what can I say to get the response I want now”.

Regardless, it’s not okay to speak to people like that.

😂😂 ‘let’s see how I can turn this around…’

I can see why you'd find that hurtful. If he always does it, it's not nice at all.

@tenderstem81 what is wrong with you? The 2nd thread I've just opened and all your posts are deleted???

He pretends to be single on his social media?

Your relationship is screwed

I noticed this and not sure if the user may have just been banned meaning all replies deleted because I did see some of their replies on this thread and there was nothing untoward in them?

I think I’m interpreting this differently from other PPs, my understanding is that you’re hurt because on social media he essentially portrays his life without you in it, as if you don’t exist? And that this was just that hurt and frustration boiling over?

You will obviously get some posters being a cool girl and saying “it’s only social media, it doesn’t matter, I wouldn’t care if that was my husband” and good on them, but if I saw a man consistently posting photos of him with his kids without their mother I would assume they weren’t together. In your shoes, I would feel left out and that there was an underlying reason that he didn’t want to post photos of me/with me.

Obviously I think the use of language in front of the kids wasn’t the best move, but none of us are saints and have all probably handled things poorly in the past, however, I think sending you home and excluding you from lunch with the kids was OTT on his part too.

I think you both need to sit down and really talk this through when you’re calm and explore what the feelings are on both sides.

@Mrsttcno1 ah right, thanks for clarifying. So many deleted posts on the first 2 threads I opened!!

How does he speak to you OP and what sort of language does he use in general? For some people calling someone a cunt is the end of the line but for a lot of people it’s part of their everyday language so cuntish won’t have as much impact…
either way I can understand why you were upset about the photoes

Your phrasing was way out of line. That said his behaviour is odd. And what's really weird is his telling you to go home alone, and even weirder, you accepting it! Normally if one partner is in a huff the typical response would be for that person to walk away. Does he often issue commands to you OP?

he uses language like this towards me, and much worse, on a daily / every other day basis. Very regularly.

I know I am in the wrong, I’m sitting at home very much regretting my words, but I also understand that going through someone so long and many times it ends up coming to a boiling point and I snapped. Which I shouldn’t have because now dp is going to do his usual tactics of ignoring me and leaving me to do everything by myself for the next week.

I didn’t include some information in the original post because I didn’t want everyone to initially hear and fixate on the ‘tells people he’s not with me’ or all the other things I could add in here. As yes, that is what will be fixated on and I’ll be told to leave the relationship etc. but I added some of it in now to give an understanding of why I snapped, and how I wouldn’t randomly / normally behave that way

@Mrsttcno1

its not his or you lunch to uninvite your partner from. If he was unhappy he should have gone home himself!

Nobody owns the lunch…

@fieldsofbutterflies

she has, she wants to be included one family photo. He wants to make out he's alive with the kids.

I really don't understand why you're still in the relationship if it's as bad as you say it is.

@Changingplace

she has told him! He wants to keep pretending he's a single Dad. Posing to look like EOW Dad -question is WHY?

Telling who he is a single dad? What people? Women? The internet? Is he trying to be some sort of single dad influencer?

Actually, it wasn't clear in the OP - most of that came in one of the many drip feeds throughout the thread.

It’s a family lunch, therefore the person who starts swearing and call the other parent a cunt is quite obviously the one who should be walking away and missing out on that lunch.

He does in fact sound a bit cunty. So YANBU.

Thing is I think you overreacted to something small-but this is obviously all part of something much bigger. You don’t seem to get on very well, you sound like you need to address the issues within your marriage or perhaps call it a day.

You’re just going through the motions, ticking off the days until the children are older, leave home and then what?

I don’t think many posters have read your whole thread/updates.

This.

If my OH spoke to me like that I sure as hell wouldn't want to have lunch with them.

All of this additional is a far bigger deal than todays nonsense, though. You must see that? You SHOULD leave the relationship. Are you able to?

Going by your last update you omitted to tell certain details, like his abusive language and pretending he is single because you didn't want to get a heap of LTB. Then what exactly do you want to hear? Because this sounds incredibly unhealthy for you and especially your children.

Wanting to hear what people responses to your behaviour would be without the back story makes their responses irrelevant. Because situations like you had today do not occur in healthy relationships.

@Janetime

its not a drip feed. Some of us could easily she why she was upset.

others can't see shitty behaviour for what it is.