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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Dp walked off from me - am I in the wrong?

231 replies

Haliloa · 14/04/2024 16:17

So dp wanted us to go for a Sunday dinner this afternoon. We were in the shopping centre walking to find a restaurant to eat at when he stopped and told me to take a photo of him and our dear children that he could post to his social media.

I took the photos and as we walked off he then says ‘did you want one?’ Asking if I wanted a photo with our children. Wherever we go he always wants photos with the dc and will post them to his social media but will never include me, it’s like I don’t exist. So when he asked if I wanted one as we walked off it slightly triggered me as I feel a normal family would’ve just taken a family selfie with everyone included, just like I would’ve included him if I was taking a photo with the kids on a day out. It’s like he only remembered to ask me as we started walking off.

I simply replied no. I actually didn’t want one it wasn’t a big issue. But then he asked me again and I snapped and said ‘no I don’t and if you have to ask then it’s a real cuntish thing to do to leave me out’. I know I shouldn’t have snapped but this is the same scenario all the time, I’m always left out he just wants to show off him and the children like I am not there all the time.

anyway this bothered him because he completely walked off from me. I then caught up with him and he said he’s going home. I told him to grow up (may be hypocritical) and be mature as our children need to eat. So he said he wants to take them to eat without me and told me to go home. I told him ‘if that’s what you want’ and he said yeah that’s what he wants and he walked off and has gone to eat without me.

am I in the wrong? I know I shouldn’t have snapped, that’s what’s bothered him the fact I said ‘cuntish’ and we were in public (although no one noticed). But equally I’m tired of always being left out.

am I being unreasonable?

OP posts:
fieldsofbutterflies · 14/04/2024 16:38

ElloiseMcTavish · 14/04/2024 16:35

My thoughts exactly, how odd to only ever post photos of himself and the children like the OP doesn’t exist, I’m not surprised she’s upset.

Edited

My social media has about five photos of DH - the rest are me, my friends, the animals, my hobbies etc. It's not because I don't love him or want to hide him.

DoreenonTill8 · 14/04/2024 16:38

Humanunkind · 14/04/2024 16:34

Does he often set up situations so you'll react @Haliloa ?

Of course it's all his fault.... he's actively banned the OP from taking selfies or asking for photos to be taken... the only legitimate response is to call him a cunt... 🤨 in public, with your kids.

AuntieJoyce · 14/04/2024 16:39

I would let this hang in the air until such time that he’s come round enough to have a proper conversation about why you’re not good enough to be in his social media pictures

Haliloa · 14/04/2024 16:39

I didn’t walk away, he walked away. I then went out of my way to catch up with him and he said he wants to go and eat without me with the kids, so he walked off with them to go and eat without me.

I can guarantee I do not use this language, and would never use language like that for such silly things. I didn’t call him a cunt, I said it’s cuntish for him to have to ask. Especially when he knows this has been an issue for many years and how much it upsets me.

for those that wish to know, he has a history of portraying and telling people he is a single dad and not with me. He purposely leaves me out of anything he posts because he doesn’t want anyone to see me or find out about me (most people just know that he has a ‘baby mom’).

so yes it triggers me very much when he only wants to show off him and the children and leave me out when I’m his partner and mother of our children and we are all on a family day out I’m always the one left out

OP posts:
Janetime · 14/04/2024 16:40

ElloiseMcTavish · 14/04/2024 16:35

My thoughts exactly, how odd to only ever post photos of himself and the children like the OP doesn’t exist, I’m not surprised she’s upset.

Edited

I have plenty of pics with my child, wouldn’t even occur to me my husband felt left out, he’s prob in about 1 percent, and if he wanted in he’s a mouth in his head. And I’m not having an affair .

Janetime · 14/04/2024 16:40

Haliloa · 14/04/2024 16:39

I didn’t walk away, he walked away. I then went out of my way to catch up with him and he said he wants to go and eat without me with the kids, so he walked off with them to go and eat without me.

I can guarantee I do not use this language, and would never use language like that for such silly things. I didn’t call him a cunt, I said it’s cuntish for him to have to ask. Especially when he knows this has been an issue for many years and how much it upsets me.

for those that wish to know, he has a history of portraying and telling people he is a single dad and not with me. He purposely leaves me out of anything he posts because he doesn’t want anyone to see me or find out about me (most people just know that he has a ‘baby mom’).

so yes it triggers me very much when he only wants to show off him and the children and leave me out when I’m his partner and mother of our children and we are all on a family day out I’m always the one left out

Well that’s a drip feed…

Tatas · 14/04/2024 16:41

Drip feed of the century 🙄

You were still wrong to react that way and start saying things like that. If it's been an issue for years and all these other things you're now saying, deal with it as part of the relationship or leave. Don't blow up on a family day out on the way to lunch because you feel like it!

Mrsttcno1 · 14/04/2024 16:42

And now OP is drip feeding potential bollocks because she didn’t like the response the first time😴

Still in the wrong OP, use your (nice) words and ask for photos if you want them.

Saintmariesleuth · 14/04/2024 16:42

You were unreasonable to have behaved that way. If someone said this to me I definitely wouldn't want to sit and have lunch with them

It is odd to not take any pictures of you all together

This is a peculiar thing to fixate on- are there other issues or problems in your relationship that are upsetting you?

Edit- cross posted with your update. This relationship sounds miserable for both of you and I couldn't stay with someone who refused to acknowledge us as a couple

fieldsofbutterflies · 14/04/2024 16:43

for those that wish to know, he has a history of portraying and telling people he is a single dad and not with me. He purposely leaves me out of anything he posts because he doesn’t want anyone to see me or find out about me (most people just know that he has a ‘baby mom’).

Why are you still with him then?

timegoesbysoso · 14/04/2024 16:43

Your issue isn't the photo, it's that he's pretending to be single. You only do that to date elsewhere.

You need to tackle the core issue.

Are you married?

lightmuller · 14/04/2024 16:44

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

DoreenonTill8 · 14/04/2024 16:44

Drip drip indeed. More fool you of staying with him if he acts like and tells people you're not in a relationship! Why are you surprised he did what he always does then?

Janetime · 14/04/2024 16:44

fieldsofbutterflies · 14/04/2024 16:43

for those that wish to know, he has a history of portraying and telling people he is a single dad and not with me. He purposely leaves me out of anything he posts because he doesn’t want anyone to see me or find out about me (most people just know that he has a ‘baby mom’).

Why are you still with him then?

I wondered that. Because if it’s true the least of the issues is a photo with the kids.

timegoesbysoso · 14/04/2024 16:45

Mrsttcno1 · 14/04/2024 16:42

And now OP is drip feeding potential bollocks because she didn’t like the response the first time😴

Still in the wrong OP, use your (nice) words and ask for photos if you want them.

Well, that's not fair. If he has a history of pretending he's single then it explains her explosive outburst somewhat.

Op, you need to get away from him as this is majorly abusive behaviour

lightmuller · 14/04/2024 16:45

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

DoreenonTill8 · 14/04/2024 16:45

Mrsttcno1 · 14/04/2024 16:42

And now OP is drip feeding potential bollocks because she didn’t like the response the first time😴

Still in the wrong OP, use your (nice) words and ask for photos if you want them.

Well yes, at least now the thread will be full of 'oh hun, what a bastard..'

lightmuller · 14/04/2024 16:46

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

lightmuller · 14/04/2024 16:47

This reply has been deleted

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StormingNorman · 14/04/2024 16:47

Haliloa · 14/04/2024 16:39

I didn’t walk away, he walked away. I then went out of my way to catch up with him and he said he wants to go and eat without me with the kids, so he walked off with them to go and eat without me.

I can guarantee I do not use this language, and would never use language like that for such silly things. I didn’t call him a cunt, I said it’s cuntish for him to have to ask. Especially when he knows this has been an issue for many years and how much it upsets me.

for those that wish to know, he has a history of portraying and telling people he is a single dad and not with me. He purposely leaves me out of anything he posts because he doesn’t want anyone to see me or find out about me (most people just know that he has a ‘baby mom’).

so yes it triggers me very much when he only wants to show off him and the children and leave me out when I’m his partner and mother of our children and we are all on a family day out I’m always the one left out

Massive drip feed. He is a cunt and your issues are totally valid. Have you asked him why he does this?

It is shady AF.

Theimpossiblegirl · 14/04/2024 16:47

Op, have you posted about this before? It sounds familiar.

Honestly, if he wants people to think he's single, pack his bags so he can crack on. He's not worth keeping and you'll be so much happier.

Geebray · 14/04/2024 16:48

If my OH called my behaviour "cuntish" I would be thinking long and hard about staying with him.

Geebray · 14/04/2024 16:49

Oh wait, I hadn't caught up with the multiple drip feeds 🙄

None of this sounds healthy.

ElloiseMcTavish · 14/04/2024 16:49

for those that wish to know, he has a history of portraying and telling people he is a single dad and not with me. He purposely leaves me out of anything he posts because he doesn’t want anyone to see me or find out about me (most people just know that he has a ‘baby mom’)

And you stay with him?

Topseyt123 · 14/04/2024 16:50

Blimey, how utterly melodramatic!

This would have been a total non-issue for me. Though with your updates I do wonder why you are with him at all.