Page 6 | To be woken up to clean?

NeedToChangeName · 14/04/2024 11:36

Outrageous

He thinks it's your job to clean when he doesn't want to do it

Think about that

And think about what kind of role models you want to be

Nanny0gg · 14/04/2024 11:36

tammym07 · 14/04/2024 09:30

Wow thank you for the responses. This has given me so much clarity, that everyone has felt so strongly about how wrong it is.

He'd have to clean up the sick from dog or dc if he was on his own...

Point that out

Rightsraptor · 14/04/2024 11:37

I'd rather clear up dog sick than be married to OP's husband.

Nanny0gg · 14/04/2024 11:37

PinkiOcelot · 14/04/2024 11:19

if DH had done that to me, I would have told him to fuck off. No way would I have gotten up.

But you'd still be awake, angry...😡(Or I would)

oakleaffy · 14/04/2024 11:37

Apolloneuro · 14/04/2024 06:13

Well then you have no understanding of genuine phobias. Your bad.

In answer to your question, my husband once came home in his lunch hour to deal with children’s sick, and I’ve got other family or friends who’d have helped if he was away. Fortunately I have people in my life who are kind.

My husband is terrified of rats. I dealt with that once. People helping people.

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If you didn't have people to step in and do these nasty jobs, you'd have to face it.

I have serious emetophobia, but have to face child clean ups and pet clean ups, even if it makes me physically panicky to do it.

You'll find you CAN clear up if there is no one else around to do it.

Vomit has to be cleared up and the child or pet looked after, one can't just leave the mess there.

OP's husband hasn't got emetophobia, otherwise she'd have said.

Catsmere · 14/04/2024 11:38

ShadesofPoachedSmoke · 14/04/2024 11:21

Another dog hater on MN

The dog is a completely innocent loving being, who loves their family. They don't deserve to be "got rid of".

People who think like this about pets are alien to me. Heartless and uncaring.

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Especially the idea of getting rid of a dog (or any pet) for the sake of this filthy abusive man, not least since OP has already informed us that it's not her dog, imposed on the man, but their dog.

If anyone should be got rid of, it's him.

Nanny0gg · 14/04/2024 11:39

Apolloneuro · 14/04/2024 06:13

Well then you have no understanding of genuine phobias. Your bad.

In answer to your question, my husband once came home in his lunch hour to deal with children’s sick, and I’ve got other family or friends who’d have helped if he was away. Fortunately I have people in my life who are kind.

My husband is terrified of rats. I dealt with that once. People helping people.

Show quote history

To be fair, I hate vomit

So I clear it up, wearing gloves and using lots of paper towels and try very hard, whilst heaving, not to vomit myself

TheLurpackYears · 14/04/2024 11:45

I hope you got some sleep OP.
It@s a funny business when it come to the last straw in a marriage. Maybe this is yours. Play it cool, get all you financial info together, see a mortgage broker if you own, get a solicitor and see where the land lies.
Personally I've found cleaning up after the dog a lot less infuriating now I'm single. I'm getting much better sleep too.

GingerPirate · 14/04/2024 11:59

Cannot imagine myself and husband living like this.
Sorry, get rid or leave.
💝

wellington77 · 14/04/2024 12:03

Did you speak to him about this as if not he will just do it again. I would have gone mental at him, stand up for you self and your should have stood your ground and not clean it up

Parahebe · 14/04/2024 12:12

This sounds like my mother's ex. When she was being treated for cancer he refused to clean out the cats' litter trays. I had to go round every evening to do it. He was unemployed and just sat around drinking all day. He was an all round useless and appalling individual. He's only her ex because he died, she never chucked him out.

user12343333333334 · 14/04/2024 12:12

This was me before I left my abusive ex.
PPs here saying they wouldn't have cleaned up, would have refused or told him to "fuck off" have never had to deal with a man like this. The repercussions of me standing up to him would have been terrifying and long lasting. It was easier to just do it.
OP is this what would happen in your case? If so, it isn't acceptable. For a long time, I thought it was. I'm still dealing with the effects of it all.

Gingernaut · 14/04/2024 12:17

To those quoting me

The OP has to leave and may not be able to do so with pets in tow

The OP's 'D'P will clearly not look after the dog and may use it as 'leverage' for coercive control n any split

It's better to have the dog in safe hands instead of in the middle of a 'custody battle' with this abusive prick who doesn't care what suffering he causes

longtompot · 14/04/2024 12:23

My dh can't clean up sick from anyone, but he does unblock the outside drain and other horrible jobs I can't bring myself to do, so I am the sick cleaner upper in our house.
However, he wouldn't come and wake me up if the dog was sick downstairs but he would put pieces of kitchen towel over it so as to show where it is and so he can't see it.
If the dog is ill in the night he takes her outside just in case she needs to be ill again and I clean up.
I hope you are seeing the way your husband treats you is not right, and the fact he gets so moody if he gets woken from a nap say to me maybe he should get to bed earlier instead of drinking away the night.

MrsKeats · 14/04/2024 12:27

Gingernaut · 14/04/2024 01:54

I would get rid of the dog

He has abdicated all responsibility for it to you and was happy to leave you to do something he wouldn't

Secondly, I would seriously consider separation/divorce

This selfish arse just woke you up in the middle of the night to do something

WTAF????

Start preparing to leave

I would get rid of him.
Are you serious??!

Loopytiles · 14/04/2024 12:30

I have a friend whose H was against getting a dog, so they made a ‘deal’ that she would do almost all the work. If there is shit, sick or other things to deal with he will tell her, in front of others, and she deals with it. Still, when the dog is 7/8 years old.

I really dislike it.

Bagofmaltesers · 14/04/2024 12:53

I’d show him this thread and I’d want him to read it from beginning to end.

coastalhawk · 14/04/2024 12:55

tammym07 · 14/04/2024 01:40

I bring you this post after getting woken up at 1:15 am to go and clean up the dogs sick!

My OH is up, awake sitting in the living room, having a beer and watching TV. Just half an hour ago he comes upstairs and wakes me up to tell me the dog has been sick on the living room floor, it stinks and there is no way he will clean it up.

I gets out of bed, goes down, cleans up the sick. I don't speak, as the dogs already too excited to see me, I'm not impressed with getting woken up and I haven't got the energy for a conversation.

OH then proceeds to say 'I don't know how you can clean that up' I grunt something about having no choice, he then complains that there's no need for me to be an a*se about it. (I will note there wasn't much sick, the dog wasn't feeling ill in anyway and didn't need my attention.)

AIBU to feel it's rude to wake someone up just because you don't want to clean it up yourself? I don't enjoy cleaning it up any more than he would. He also knows I've not been well and really in need of some rest.

Now here I am unable to sleep cause I'm too annoyed. He Never hesitates to wake me up over absolutely anything. He however, goes in a bad mood if he gets woken up when having a nap in the middle of the day on the sofa and one of the children make a noise!

That's a crazy level of Entitlement and disrespect from him to you.

BMW6 · 14/04/2024 12:56

Loopytiles · 14/04/2024 12:30

I have a friend whose H was against getting a dog, so they made a ‘deal’ that she would do almost all the work. If there is shit, sick or other things to deal with he will tell her, in front of others, and she deals with it. Still, when the dog is 7/8 years old.

I really dislike it.

Edited

Sorry but I think it that scenario he is right. He was against getting it and she agreed to deal with any mess resulting. Perfectly reasonable.

SmallBox · 14/04/2024 13:17

Loopytiles · 14/04/2024 12:30

I have a friend whose H was against getting a dog, so they made a ‘deal’ that she would do almost all the work. If there is shit, sick or other things to deal with he will tell her, in front of others, and she deals with it. Still, when the dog is 7/8 years old.

I really dislike it.

Edited

Why would the deal expire? He didn't want a dog, she did so she deals with it. Seems totally reasonable and not at all like the OP's situation.

Ellie56 · 14/04/2024 13:17

I can't believe he woke you up in the middle of the night to clean up.

He is a massive unreasonable twat. Why didn't you tell him to fuck off and clean it up himself?

PinkiOcelot · 14/04/2024 13:28

@Nanny0gg ahh totally. I’d be steaming but I wouldn’t get out of bed.

Jk8 · 14/04/2024 13:33

I gets out of bed, goes down, cleans up the sick. I don't speak, as the dogs already too excited to see me, I'm not impressed with getting woken up and I haven't got the energy for a conversation

sounds like he made a good call... next time tell him to contact a cleaner or do it himself

StormingNorman · 14/04/2024 13:42

That’s not ok. He needs to deal with these little things rather than waking you up and making it something bigger.

Soubriquet · 14/04/2024 13:46

Bagofmaltesers · 14/04/2024 12:53

I’d show him this thread and I’d want him to read it from beginning to end.

DO NOT SHOW HIM THIS THREAD.

Why do people keep saying that? You really think an abusive husband is gonna go “oh. I guess I was wrong. I’m sorry”

They are not. They are going to double down at best, and lash out at worst