He wants me to transfer the money. AIBU to be put off now?

[whatasneezeyone]

Had a date. Went for sushi 🍣

I got a few dishes and he seemed to be counting his coming through. I got some strawberry cheesecake mochi and he said 'that looks nice. I'll try it maybe one time. Spend enough today ahahaa'

Went to tap the card as we agreed to split the bill

I did my half and my card got declined. I said to the waiter, quick as a flash, I'll need to insert my pin because I've probably tapped too many times now

The man I was with on the date said 'let me just get this, please'

And he tapped.

He's now messaging this evening saying 'can you transfer your half? As we did agree to go half. It's Santander xxx yyy lll'

The followed up straight away with a link and saying 'fancy this next week?'

So I have. And haven't replied back to say it's done

AIBU to not be interested now? Just seems a bit petty.

I personally would've just left it if the shoe was on the other foot

Just for clarity - OP was going to try entering her pin on the card as had probably just used up her contactless contacts, he asked her to let him get this please? Not offer to pay and then pay back. Not sure I’d want to share my bank details with someone on a first date, regardless as to how well it went. Really he should have given her a minute to sort her card or then offer to help, but been clear on the intention with it. I think OP has a right to be a bit icked by this. If he’s skint, fine, that’s ok, my boyfriend earns very little, but he’s upfront about it. It’s the behaviour that’s the off put, not the money per se I gather?

I think he tapped as he was embarrassed your card declined and didn’t want you to be embarrassed- that’s my take on it 🤷🏻‍♀️. Agreement was made to go dutch. If you enjoyed his company , give him another chance. If you’re not fussed by him , don’t bother.

This ^

I was thinking everyone had forgot about the 22p.

Maybe he thought that you were trying to con him by offering a card that would be declined?
it’s not the case , but he doesn’t know you.
i would transfer the money.

If that was the case though surely his best bet would be to just let her deal with it?
If she was out to con him, surely by paying he was screwed? If she wasn't going to pay on the day what chance would he have of getting the money back from her if all she wanted was a free meal?
Once they'd left the date she could just have blocked him and disappeared leaving him with no way of getting the money back.

This would be the problem. He immediately thought the worst of the situation, got embarrassed, assumed she was on the make and jumped in to take over the retracted it. Would you really want someone so reactive and clumsy?

Again though, who the hell is going to the effort of a first date just to 'con' someone out of £31.44??

This wasn't lobster and champagne at the Shard.

Nonsense. If a man asks me out (and I never ask a man out) then he pays. End of.

@MsLuxLisbon

Care to elaborate why you never pay even your own share. Ever.

You say "nonsense" but you seem to have proved the posters point.

If the men in question don't mind then why does it matter to you?

Well according to a PP 60 quid for some salmon rolls and a couple of mochi constitutes a slap up meal so who knows.

She transferred the money as soon as he asked. It says so in her posts.

Because if a man is taking me out on a date, I expect him to pay. This is SOP in my circles.

I would pay him the 'half' and decline any more dates.

I'm with @MsLuxLisbon

Also, what's with the abacus? You can contribute to a relationship in ways other than paying a bill. How many threads on here are people rightfully waving a placard that wimmin's work around the house, raising a child, sacrificing their career etc etc is CONTRIBUTION.

It's literally codified in divorce law! There are multiple ways to contribute in a relationship that doesn't mean going bloody Dutch.

This was a DATE.

How married couples organise their finances is one thing. But we're talking about dating here.

@AhNowTed - the original quibble was phrased as "never pay your share ever." Nothing in that is exclusive to a first, second etc date. Besides, start as you mean to go on.

As I said, different strokes, different folks. It's worked for me. It worked for my now husband. We're compatible in our outlook and I dare say we're not unique.

Hi, he sounds like a tight rat to me and a penny pincher!!
Find someone new 😜😁

I don't really see an issue.
You agreed to go halves, then get pissed off when he wants his half.

Read the thread - or even just OP's very first post - and you'll see what her issue was.

Nothing to do with paying half and everything to do with his behaviour towards her after OP went to pay her half.

I will never understand it, and no one on various threads has offered any explanation other than "the man should pay".

Why?

I earn more than most men I know. One of the reasons is because in my work life I am fiercely independent and take no shit.

The idea that I would sit there like a dummy when the bill arrives is just anathema to me.

Even if I earned substantially less I would still pay. Or take turns. It's a dinner and a few drinks.

Some people are old fashioned and think it is chivalrous for men to cover the cost of a date.

You might not agree with it but if you don't then no one's making you do it, are they?

I don't understand why this winds so many people up TBH, as long as others are happy with whatever arrangement they have then why should it bother you? A woman who believes men should pay for dates and men who believe they should go 50/50 (and vice versa) are not going to be compatible anyway so there shouldn't be an issue.

It has nothing to do with who earns what, although I wouldn't wish to date too far out of my income bracket anyway. It has to do with chivalry, as @cliovillee says.

@AhNowTed - you're making A LOT of assumptions. @MsLuxLisbon, @cliovillee and I may also be fiercely independent and take no shit in our work and personal lives. Not paying and those qualities are not mutually exclusive.

Also, I made the point in this thread (I thubk, or maybe the other similar one going on at the moment), that it's not necessarily "man pays!"...it's manners: whoever asks, pays... @MsLuxLisbon and I have said we would never ask a man out. Soooo...as logic would have it, we therefore don't pay. If I asked a friend to the theatre, I would have bought their ticket. Simple.

Also, I don't sit there like a dummy when the bill comes. BECAUSE if I were hosting it's my treat, if that man doesn't grab that bill within 5 literal seconds, MAJOR ICK. Because if I were the host, I'd have grabbed it in 2 seconds. I also don't sit there sheepish when I used to date. I was confident in my approach. If a guy had asked me to split, then absolutely I'd pay...but I'd never see him again.

I don't understand why this winds so many people up TBH, as long as others are happy with whatever arrangement they have then why should it bother you? A woman who believes men should pay for dates and men who believe they should go 50/50 (and vice versa) are not going to be compatible anyway so there shouldn't be an issue.

^Nailed it

@FakeMiddleton

So what happens when you're a few dates in. He's no longer asking, but rather you're agreeing to meet. You still don't pay?