He wants me to transfer the money. AIBU to be put off now?

[whatasneezeyone]

Had a date. Went for sushi 🍣

I got a few dishes and he seemed to be counting his coming through. I got some strawberry cheesecake mochi and he said 'that looks nice. I'll try it maybe one time. Spend enough today ahahaa'

Went to tap the card as we agreed to split the bill

I did my half and my card got declined. I said to the waiter, quick as a flash, I'll need to insert my pin because I've probably tapped too many times now

The man I was with on the date said 'let me just get this, please'

And he tapped.

He's now messaging this evening saying 'can you transfer your half? As we did agree to go half. It's Santander xxx yyy lll'

The followed up straight away with a link and saying 'fancy this next week?'

So I have. And haven't replied back to say it's done

AIBU to not be interested now? Just seems a bit petty.

I personally would've just left it if the shoe was on the other foot

Yep!

@Comedycook as if women could be arse with the effort of getting ready for a date, just for a free meal.
I'd rather have a bowl of super noodles in my pjs.

No, I get it. It's a test to see how much money the guy has and if they will be able to get at it later.

Restaurant dates are paid for over businesses, though making their profits. People can eat at home for a LOT cheaper whilst reading a book or painting their nails or doing what they really enjoy rather than go out with low quality company for the sake of a "free meal". That's why the "They only went out for the free meal" argument doesn't really apply.

Yep this. As I have explained on my previous posts. I CBA to waste any more of my time explaining any more, to women who really CBA to listen to any point of view but their own.

Oh dear, you really don't understand much about romantic relationships clearly

You totally missed the point.

You totally missed the point.

Having read your posts, it you that seems to have missed the point.

You haven't missed a single opportunity to beat down any woman that has differing opinions and preferences to you though.

Brilliantly put... 👏 Suggesting a woman is a scrounging 'princess' who is after a free meal on a first date (and that is the only reason she is going,) is ridiculous, and laughable. I despair for humanity that anyone thinks this/suggests this.

AND I am shaking my head in despair, with the fact that some women think they're such radical feminists and the men will have huge respect for them - and think of them as equals - because they agree to split the bill on the first date. These women are deluded.

👏

Yep, most women I know who have a generous partner/husband, who bought them gifts/flowers etc, spoilt them a bit/paid for the first few dates etc, have a JOB - including me! Some women are part time yeah... But between the two of them they will split 'life' between them. They will share everything and chip in equally with everything house and family related at the end of the day, if not all financially.

The poster I was replying to says that a man's behaviour (not paying for dinner) on the first date is a sign that he won't look after the woman in the future. I'm saying if that's true then the woman's behaviour (expecting to be paid for) is also a sign that she expects to be looked after in the future. Which is bollocks.

@aperolspritzbasicbitch lol! Or, just maybe theyre sensible women who see no benefit to working themselves into the bloody ground while trying to bring up children and run a house.

Methinks that poster may - just may - be a man! 👀 I'm not engaging with them anymore. That post 'It's a test to see how much money the guy has and if they will be able to get at it later,' has pretty much confirmed what I suspected.

He didn't chose the venue though. Maybe he was broke and could only afford the half as agreed.
The offer to pay could be showing off. Or it could be impatience. Or saving her the bother.

I don't think it is bollocks as you say. It's probably a primal/biological urge to want to procreate with a man who can provide for you and your children.

Yeah because someone who doesn't think women are princesses must be a man 😂

@HollyKnight its not about being a princess, it's about having your head screwed on.

The amount of threads where the woman is paying 50 50 on mat leave etc and going into debt is mind-blowing.

Someone who says THIS is very likely a man...

"It's a test to see how much money the guy has and if they will be able to get at it later"

YOU said that @HollyKnight

No woman I know would ever say that.

I am not engaging with you anymore. I see you. 👀

!

This is why low cost first dates are better. Something like coffee. I would expect the man to pay for the first drink, to show his interest and then if we happened to have another or move on to a bar, if the conversation was alright I would pay for the next round of whatever it was. It's a way of saying 'I like you too'. I wouldn't go for a meal on a first date, unless i knew them quite well as friends or something already. It's awkward to be tied into something so long/potentially expensive with someone you might not like much.
Essentially then, I'd be happy to go halves on general early dating but it would be low cost anyway, and later on, now and then it's nice for the man to cover a meal or something, if he's a higher earner than I am (which in my dating history they usually have been at least a little higher). It just shows that he's aware of the income imbalance and enjoys treating me. You can tell when it's a genuine offer out of wanting to be nice rather than expecting it buys your love.

There you go assuming that women who date are looking to procreate in the future.

I haven't read all 35 pages 😅
I'm quite relaxed about this kind of thing but what really would put me off is the text out of the blue with his bank details.
If you'd agreed that, fair enough. He could have said at the point of paying for the meal, you can transfer me later.
He could have even waited until a conversation came about naturally and mentioned it then.
Or even better he could have waited until the next date and said as he got the last one could you get this one, or go halves.
But he was concerned over getting the money back more than anything else.
Bugger that. Bin.

Like I said before, you don't understand controlling/abusive/manipulative men if you think they make it that apparent on the first date. It's usually the opposite. They come across as kind and charming. Not stingy and mean.

But obviously that doesn’t mean that manipulate/abusive men are never stingy or mean on a first date, does it?

Yep this. He just wanted to show off in public by paying... But then wanted the OP's 50% 'share' back later. Urgh vile.