Partner made DS cry

[MatildaInThePark]

I've been with my partner for 5 years and he moved in with us almost 4 years ago (which was unplanned) after my teen DS passed away from suicide.

I've got 3 DC’s but only DS(15 this week) is living with me, my elder 2 are fine with partner and get on well with him.

DS however doesn't, they got on when partner first moved in and would go on walks, play video games, talk about films etc. Partner really got DS to come out of his shell again as he wasn't really speaking when DS passed away as they were close. He had a lot of anger and he had counselling via zoom which he started refusing to engage with.

He seems to be coping fine generally but Thursday was the anniversary of my sons death so I told partner to cut him a little slack if he gives us attitude and with chores etc. Yesterday partner had his children over and they were playing football in the garden, DS gets involved and purposely kicks the ball over the back fence which results them not being able to get my back (it's unaccessible due to it being unsafe). The children are upset as its a special limited edition ball and DS laughs. Partner was furious and took DS’ skateboard as punishment and locked it in his car. DS comes to me to complain and to try to persuade me to let him have it back, I refused but he then told me he wants to die. Partner thinks this is a way to manipulate me as he only says it when he's in trouble

Other times when we speak to him he says he doesn't but it does make me worry.

Today, DS grabbed partners 12yo child's wrist during an argument about a video game, DS says partners child hit him but we aren't 100% on that but DS left a red mark on the child. Partner was furious. DS was smirking the whole time of myself and partner telling him off. Partner then started shouting at him that he's spoilt and needs to stop acting so childish. Partner grabbed DS by the wrist and told him he won't be getting his birthday presents and his friends won't be coming over next weekend. DS was crying and I'm thinking he may have went to far.

AIBU? I do admit I am a little soft on him especially after losing my elder son. I need some opinions and advice from another point of view.

PS . It is OK to disagree with me. Just don't get goady or personal. All entitled to our own opinions and slants on things . Just no need for this . I just don't agree with you .

I think it's a very fine line to walk giving him grace but not allowing him to use it to his benefit. It's a very hard situation. ❤️

thats fine honestly, and I don't agree with you

Just ignore the poster attention seeking. They can't be serious 🤣😴 it's school hols!

I think if you are gonna give an opinion like “It’s fine for an adult to grab a child’s wrist but it’s a abusive for a child to grab another child’s wrist” you need to back it up with reasoning. saying “I’m entitled to my opinion” doesn’t make your opinion a logical one

I'm sorry for your loss and for what your son is going through. But I think if I were your partner and your 15-year-old was bullying my younger children and physically harming them, I would be out of there. It is clear that your son has a lot of issues he needs to work through, so if this behaviour is how that is manifesting, then it is best that your partner moves elsewhere. For all of the children's sakes.

@YaMuvva Your quotations "" were never said by me. So I don't have to back anything up . The opinion goes two ways . I think your opinion is illogical . Now what ? No more nasty name calling please

How was he being restrained? She said he grabbed his wrists. Was the skateboard and birthday presents also restraining him?

Why did he cry?

Wrist restraint sounds as if the wrist needed restraining. The kids had finished their spat. DP grabbed and hurt a child in anger. He grabbed a child because he wanted to hurt him. He grabbed a child because he has no emotional regulation or impulse control.

You are going to have to really break it down for me:why is an adult man grabbing a child in anger with such force that he left a mark ok?

Don’t talk to me about kids fighting. Kids fight. It doesn’t mean an adult male needs to step in and KO one of them after the event.

60 million people agreed with Hitler. Whats your point?

This is the most idiotic thing I've ever read. Grief means you go through it forever. 5 years is nothing. Also suicide and death is not an event. Wise up.

I think she’s a SM. A lot of them on here will blame the kids for everything. The way adults talk about children on the step parenting board is horrific.

Crowing about throwing them out the house, making unholy sexualised references to father daughter relationships. It’s upsetting to read and know how many poor kids are enduring these so-called blended families.

He lost a brother to suicide and your takeaway is a fucking football???

“You’ve literally said that the 15yo was physically abusive” to the 12yo for grabbing their wrist
And then you said an adult who did the SAME THING - grabbed a wrist - to the 15yo “isn’t exactly brutal”. Your words in “”.

Can you see how that is illogical? It’s ok for a grown man to grab a child by the wrist but not OK for a child to grab another child by the wrist? I’m just asking you to explain your logic.

Nope not a SM . Actually very active in profession that is quite empathic by nature . And recognise the need to set boundaries . He hurt the child. DP restrained him , he did not hurt him .

And he’s a child!!

Good to know though that according to experts on this thread 5 years (it’s actually 4 years, I hate it when people twist an OP’s timeline to suit their narratives) is the limit to get over the suicide of a sibling. good to know

Just when I think you can’t be any more insensitive!

Totally agree. I had to leave a thread the other day where I stuck up for OP’s stepson after all the parents behaved horribly and someone was telling me that step parents have ‘absolutely no responsibility’ to the step children even if they live with them
Horrible cunts

What nasty name?

Ah bigger I got the quotation marks wrong. “Physically abusive”’should have been in the quotation marks not the whole sentence (seeing as we are apparently splitting hairs here I thought I’d point it out)

Yeah I'm struggling to understand why you thought it was a good idea to have your dp's kids round having a blast on the anniversary of his brothers and your sons death? Perhaps going forward that's a day to spend with your children, reflecting.
Agree with many of the posters here, you moved this man and his kids in to your sons space just a year after his brother commit suicide? I think that was very much something you did for you with little thought for your ds.
It's time your partner moved out. Concentrate on helping your son to heal. It doesn't sound like he had much time to before you moved someone and his kids in.

Can you tell us where you work so that we can avoid you like the plague?

He hurt the child. DP restrained him , he did not hurt him .

I KNEW you were gonna say this. But he didn’t restrain him. The argument between the kids was well over. OP said her DH ‘grabbed’ him. She doesn’t mention restraint.

I’m sorry (not sorry) you’ve been challenged over your hypocrisy but you can’t just change the events of the OP and hope we didn’t notice.

Keep saying it . People are entitled to disagree with you without being called names . These individuals seem awfully invested in bullying posters to agree with them .
Cunts ? Very classy.

OP said he hurt the child. That’s a fact.