If I don't go on the hen do?

[windywillowss]

One of my close friends is getting married in the Summer, and I'm a bridesmaid.

It's been decided that her hen do will be a long weekend in Ibiza (Friday AM to Monday PM), at the beginning of June.

I'm a single parent to my DD16. She does see her Dad but it's not consistent (3 or 4 days a month) and he rarely has her extra if I ask. My Mum and Dad help out if need be, but they're not in the best health so I try not to.

DD is starting her GCSE exams next month, and along with my help she's been great at sticking to her revision timetable.

The issue is that the weekend of the hen do, DD has an exam on both the Friday and the Monday. I've explained this to the bride and the expectation is that I still go on the hen do. I'm not happy leaving my DD during the middle of her exams, even if my parents are willing to help out. All hell broke loose and I've been called unreasonable - my friend is now in a serious mood with me.

AIBU for saying I'm not going to go?

There's no way I'd be away on a jolly during a dc's GCSEs. Does the bride have exam age children?

I'd say the DD doing the exams has more maturity than the effin bride. Correct decision OP, very proud of you for doing that.

If there is no response in 24 hours from Bridezilla numero uno, I'd follow up with a decline to be bridesmaid aswell. If Bridie takes umbrage at you not going to the hen's then it will a VERY awkward wedding!

And we will have similar threads every day now since the wedding season is upon us. I can't wait.... not.

I'd follow up with a decline to be bridesmaid aswell.

I don't think this is a good idea. It will just piss her off even more. I would just wait and see what happens.

That's all you need to know. She did you a favour!

Why would it matter if it pisses her off more. Why would anyone, after that treatment, want to be friend with that pampered and rude women? Some people have zero self respect!

Whatever money you were going to spend attending the original hen do and wedding I would now use for a treat for you and DD after her exams. Hope the exams go smoothly and you have better friends OP.

I hate hen dos with the fire of a thousand suns for reasons just like this.
I don't understand why some brides expect their friends to drop their own lives, use up their annual leave, fly abroad, and pay hundreds of pounds to attend a weekend long celebration.
Its an invitation; not a summons. YANBU.

You have totally done the right thing OP

Don't give a second thought to the deletion - friends like that are not true friends

And this is exactly why OP has made right decision

Sorry @permanently - that was shit for you

What a horrible response from the bride. Well done for putting your DD first. It’s such a short lived but vital time for your daughter.

I hate hen dos with the fire of a thousand suns for reasons just like this.

I don't hate hen dos because I have never been invited to an unreasonable one. The last one I attended was a few months ago, and it was an afternoon tea that cost me £18.

All other hen dos I have been invited to have been a meal out and a few drinks. However, I am (ahem) more mature in years than today's hen do attendees, and hen dos weren't the spendextravaganza that they are today.

People need to push back against these ridiculous requests. By not doing so they are enabling bridezillas to display even more bridezilla behaviour.

You’ve absolutely done the right thing here but it’s surprising that your friend is being so unreasonable. She sounds like a spoilt teenager. There are so many reasons why someone wouldn’t want to go to Ibiza for a hen do (is she actually a teenager??) and yours is so valid.

Having read your updates OP, your 'friend' sounds like the worst kind of selfish bridezilla bitch. Strong main character energy.

Of course you're not being unreasonable, and for a 3 night trip to Ibiza in 7/8 weeks time I'm certain you won't be the only dropout when prices start being talked about.

Honestly I'd send a follow-up message telling her she can stick her bridesmaid dress up her arse and that you won't be attending her wedding. I do have a tendency to hold a grudge though.

That is not a friend.

Just wanted to add what others have said, you have totally done the right thing and dont let anyone tell you otherwise. My and my sons dad are still together but I wont be going anywhere in May and June as he is also doing his GCSE's. He isnt in the slightest bit anxious about them (although he might not pass a couple) but I want to be here to make sure he eats in the morning, to test him on a night and to make his tea and hear all about it when he gets home. I want him to know we are here if he needs us and not abroad stressing about if he is ok or not. I cant imagine ever going away when my kids have exams ! She is a dick

YANBU

Hen dos abroad are an imposition and completely unreasonable imo

My daughter is also doing GCSEs this summer and my elder daughter sat them last year. No way would I be away for anyone or anything during the exam period. Its such an important time for them to feel supported.

God, I'm so glad my sister wasn't like this.

She got married abroad (very expensive) then had her hen weekend in Brighton (another expense as we live in Yorkshire). We had very little money at the time and two little ones and so I didn't go to the hen weekend which she was fine about.

Well, she was probably pissed off but never once said anything to me as she knew we had the expense of the wedding which we couldn't really afford. That is how a sister/good friend should behave.

I’m sorry your ‘d’f is treating you this way, tbh I’m gob smacked someone would behave this way!
at least you now know she’s a total bitch!

We've been friends for a long time but since planning the wedding she's turned in to a completely different person!

Still no reply 🥴

You say nothing has been booked or paid for yet, so that is good. Was the Ibiza trip being discussed in the WhatsApp group and you simply read the messages and didn't comment? Or had you said "These dates don't work for me", "I can't be away for so long" etc?

YANBU

Don’t feel guilty. Your daughter takes priority. These princess entitled brides who act like the world revolves around them get on my tits.

They’re leaving it very late to book a foreign trip, suprised everyone else has agreed. Anyway if the brides reaction I think I’d be stepping away from that friendship.

People turn into absolute dicks over wedding stuff. How previously reasonable human beings can suddenly forget that everyone else has a life just because they’re planning a big party is beyond me.