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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

I have 4 dogs and husband hates them all

186 replies

Ndhu · 13/04/2024 09:06

So, I'm a dog trainer and a mum.

I have 4 dogs.... before my husband married me he knew I was in love with animals.
6 years down the line and he hates everything about animals.

He hates the fact I have my dogs even though I walk them. Feed them. Keep them out of his way...
Pick the poo up...
Clean the house....
And deal with my children.

I adopted our 4th dog a while ago as she was feral and I put a lot of hard work into her...

I've offered him to get rid of our other dog who is 6 months old and isn't adjusting well to the house but he wants this one dog gone....

I'm torn, I really am as this dog means the world to me.....

Am I being unfair?

OP posts:
Soubriquet · 13/04/2024 09:08

Keep the dogs, boot the husband

JacobsCrackle · 13/04/2024 09:10

When you say torn, between what and what do you mean?

Have you discussed acquiring each of these dogs with him, or did you just do it? Even though you do everything, both partners need to be in agreement.

Aquamarine1029 · 13/04/2024 09:10

You brought a feral dog into your home and you have children?

NotbloodyGivingupYet · 13/04/2024 09:10

How many dogs did you have when you got married? I don't think I'd be happy if my DH brought home a feral dog (I KNOW I wouldn't be!)

Elphame · 13/04/2024 09:10

Dogs or husband?

Keep the dogs.

He knew you were a dog person before he married you so it's unfair and unreasonable of him to expect you to change.

MrsMitford3 · 13/04/2024 09:11

The dogs would be non negotiable for me.

He doesn't get to change the rules once he's in!!!

Original poster
Ndhu · 13/04/2024 09:13

Yes, I work with rescues. As stated. I'm a dog trainer, the dog is amazing with the children and I have changed her life in 4 months... she is only 8 months old :)

OP posts:
sparkellie · 13/04/2024 09:13

Yes yabu. To start with it isn't fair on either the dogs or your husband to get any animals that aren't agreed on by both of you. They shouldn't have to live with someone who resents them. And secondly you are saying you will give up one of the dogs? You really need to make a commitment and stick to it. Honestly I think you need to decide if you and your husband are actually compatible. This would be a deal breaker for me. I could never be with someone who didn't want my pets. But I wouldn't go behind their backs to get more and then complain they weren't happy with it. You need to decide what's more important to you and stick with it. If you decide your husband and to give up a dog or two you have to stick with that. Having said all of that I think he is being a little unreasonable to be fussy about which dog you give up.

ZiriForGood · 13/04/2024 09:15

There is a difference between living with one or two pet dogs and bringing in feral creatures in numbers.

It looks like moving the goal posts.

Catza · 13/04/2024 09:15

Did you discuss bringing in another dog? I think your expectations are unfair. Just because your husband knew you loved dogs doesn’t mean he automatically consents to living in a zoo. Unless you live in a mansion, I can easily see how multiple dogs can be a nuisance even if you do everything for them. I love my partner’s dog but even I get annoyed at the constant shedding and being watched like a hawk every time I sit down to eat. If he brought a feral dog in, I would be livid. Especially if he “put a lot of time” into it at the expense of family life.

TiptoeTess · 13/04/2024 09:16

How many of these specific dogs did you have when you married, and has he been consulted on and agreed to the ones you’ve added since marrying?

SD1978 · 13/04/2024 09:16

I'm a bit torn here- despite him not liking dogs, you've continued to rescue them, 4 is a rather large number, did he have any say before they appeared? I'm assuming all gotten after you got together?

Original poster
Ndhu · 13/04/2024 09:16

ZiriForGood · 13/04/2024 09:15

There is a difference between living with one or two pet dogs and bringing in feral creatures in numbers.

It looks like moving the goal posts.

She was 4 months old when she arrived.
I did state, I am a dog trainer, so I work with multiple rescues to reform the dogs. She is completely different and he was aware and happy with bringing her in

OP posts:
Youcannotbeseriousreally · 13/04/2024 09:17

Four dogs is far far too many dogs. I wouldn’t want to live like that at all. You’ve basically got to pick husband or dogs but I don’t blame him for asking you to make changes.

Original poster
Ndhu · 13/04/2024 09:17

Catza · 13/04/2024 09:15

Did you discuss bringing in another dog? I think your expectations are unfair. Just because your husband knew you loved dogs doesn’t mean he automatically consents to living in a zoo. Unless you live in a mansion, I can easily see how multiple dogs can be a nuisance even if you do everything for them. I love my partner’s dog but even I get annoyed at the constant shedding and being watched like a hawk every time I sit down to eat. If he brought a feral dog in, I would be livid. Especially if he “put a lot of time” into it at the expense of family life.

He knew. He was absolutely fine with it.
I work with multiple rescues to reform dogs.

OP posts:
ClonedSquare · 13/04/2024 09:18

He's unreasonable to marry a dog trainer and expect not to own any dogs. But it doesn't sound like that's the issue, it sounds like the quantity of dogs and their temperaments or behaviour are.

You say "I adopted..." for the dogs rather than "we adopted". Which suggests he either didn't get consulted on this or agreed to it under significant duress, which isn't fair.

It's one thing to insist on having one or two dogs even if you know your husband would prefer not to, but adding more after that is unreasonable.

edit to add: you keep saying he knew about the extra dogs and was happy with it. Clearly he wasn’t though, you’re just in denial or pretending that him saying yes to avoid a fall out is the same as being onboard and happy with it.

Original poster
Ndhu · 13/04/2024 09:18

SD1978 · 13/04/2024 09:16

I'm a bit torn here- despite him not liking dogs, you've continued to rescue them, 4 is a rather large number, did he have any say before they appeared? I'm assuming all gotten after you got together?

Our first dog we had for a few years.
He knew everything that was happening.

OP posts:
DoreenonTill8 · 13/04/2024 09:18

What's the general cost of housing, feeding, vets bills etc for 4 dogs?
It sounds like that number will heavily impact what you do as a family, how long can you be out of the house at a time, holidays etc.

Pinkdelight3 · 13/04/2024 09:19

I adopted our 4th dog a while ago as she was feral and I put a lot of hard work into her...

You were wrong to do that when you knew how he felt about having the others. You're abdicting responsibility with all the emotional helplessness. No one gets a fourth dog, especially not a feral one, when their DH and father of their kids doesn't like dogs. Not unless you're forcing an ultimatum.

Pinkdelight3 · 13/04/2024 09:19

(edited to delete this as it posted twice for some weird reason)

Original poster
Ndhu · 13/04/2024 09:20

ClonedSquare · 13/04/2024 09:18

He's unreasonable to marry a dog trainer and expect not to own any dogs. But it doesn't sound like that's the issue, it sounds like the quantity of dogs and their temperaments or behaviour are.

You say "I adopted..." for the dogs rather than "we adopted". Which suggests he either didn't get consulted on this or agreed to it under significant duress, which isn't fair.

It's one thing to insist on having one or two dogs even if you know your husband would prefer not to, but adding more after that is unreasonable.

edit to add: you keep saying he knew about the extra dogs and was happy with it. Clearly he wasn’t though, you’re just in denial or pretending that him saying yes to avoid a fall out is the same as being onboard and happy with it.

Edited

He knew.

He agreed to take her on, she was only a foster I work with a few rescues.

OP posts:
bridgetreilly · 13/04/2024 09:20

YABVU to keep bringing more dogs into the house. It’s not your decision in the way it would be if you lived alone. You have to discuss it with, and consider everyone in the house and decide together. Four dogs is too many for most people, especially with children in the house as well. Honestly, I think that this would make me hate animals too, because it sounds like they are constantly being prioritised over the people.

If your marriage and your family matter to you, you are going to need to make some big changes, and soon.

nonetcurtains · 13/04/2024 09:20

'Get rid' of one of your puppies? What does that involve exactly? Sounds like you don't love your dogs and that is concerning.

When you transform these dogs lives, what do you do with them? And how many have you rescued in your time as a trainer?

sparkellie · 13/04/2024 09:20

Ndhu · 13/04/2024 09:17

He knew. He was absolutely fine with it.
I work with multiple rescues to reform dogs.

Show quote history

Apologies, if he knew and was fine with you adopting these dogs he can't just change his mind. If he doesn't like it he can ask you not to get any more, but he can't complain after he has agreed.

Is there something particular he struggles with with this new dog?

Minfilia · 13/04/2024 09:20

You may be a dog person, but you can’t unilaterally decide to bring a dog or dogs into the home if your DH doesn’t want that. That’s a decision that you should make together.

As a family of 6 we discussed together whether we should get a dog, what dog we should look for, and what people were prepared to do when we got the dog. Eldest DS had no interest in it so he does nothing. The other teens help with care and walking because that’s what they were willing to do to help.

I still do the majority of everything for him but it doesn’t mean I could just go and get a pack of dogs because that’s what I wanted. It wouldn’t be fair on the other members of the household!

Edit - just saw your update. If he agreed then he can’t really moan now, can he? And if he’s making life difficult then you should get rid of him, not the dogs! I’d also imagine as a dog trainer that your dogs are pretty well behaved… although 4 is still quite a lot!