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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

I have 4 dogs and husband hates them all

186 replies

Ndhu · 13/04/2024 09:06

So, I'm a dog trainer and a mum.

I have 4 dogs.... before my husband married me he knew I was in love with animals.
6 years down the line and he hates everything about animals.

He hates the fact I have my dogs even though I walk them. Feed them. Keep them out of his way...
Pick the poo up...
Clean the house....
And deal with my children.

I adopted our 4th dog a while ago as she was feral and I put a lot of hard work into her...

I've offered him to get rid of our other dog who is 6 months old and isn't adjusting well to the house but he wants this one dog gone....

I'm torn, I really am as this dog means the world to me.....

Am I being unfair?

OP posts:
TaylorNotSoSwift · 13/04/2024 11:01

What’s your husbands reason for not liking this one dog in particular?
Is there any way to compromise once you know what the real issue is?
I have a multi dog household and have been in the situation you are in - it’s not easy.

ontheflighttosingapore · 13/04/2024 11:01

Warringstars · 13/04/2024 10:54

So you have 4 dogs.
dog 1
dog 2
dog 3 - aged 6 months apparently not fitting in
dog 4 - aged 8 months, but you took them in when they were 4 months.

aside from anything else why:

  1. did you take on 2 puppies at the same time or near enough same time?
  2. why are you offering to get rid of one of your dogs? And because they’re not fitting in? They’re still so young, they haven’t been with you for long, they have to fit in with three other dogs, one of which you describe as feral and needing lots of time. What time has this puppy had? you are a trainer/behaviourist so surely you understand their challenges more than most and are more able to help them settle in? You don’t sound like you love animals at all. I feel very sorry for this dog. and for the others living with someone who “hates them all”.

Agree with everything here

6pence · 13/04/2024 11:05

So many unanswered questions.

How many did you have when you first got together?

Did he agree to temporary foster the dog and now he doesn’t want you to keep her full time?

Did he agree to the 6 month old puppy and was this before or after the foster dog? Was/is the 6 month old dog also fostered, which is why you are happy to “get rid of it”

How many other foster dogs have you had in the past?

takemeawayagain · 13/04/2024 11:05

I'm confused is the 6 month puppy that isn't fitting in a different dog to the feral one? If so why did you get another puppy and why isn't it fitting in? Is it the feral dog your husband wants rid of? Why does he want rid of that one if it is really well behaved? This is all very strange and I think you need to stop collecting dogs.

Onabench · 13/04/2024 11:10

Sounds like you foster dogs but then keep them and repeat the cycle.... Where does it end? Id be fed up too

Onetiredbeing · 13/04/2024 11:14

Also you read many times on here. People who have a demanding career, before they have a family. Poster complains that their career/ hobby / lifestyle is now affecting them and the advice is that their OH needs a change of career. What's the difference here. Op's career is affecting her marriage. She can't sing the same song of that's what he knew, because it seems like op is now bringing feral animals into their home. He is allowed to not accept this.

albatrossjoe · 13/04/2024 11:17

I love dogs and have worked with rescues to foster as well as having my own, but even I think you're being a bit unreasonable here OP. Your job involves fostering and bringing dogs that need intensive behavioural support into your family home, but there doesn't seem to be much reflection on your part of what this means.

With kindness, it's all very well to keep saying "I work with dogs, it's my job", but you don't seem to really be considering how your job affects your husband. You're not leaving work at work, you literally bring it home with you. It affects his life having four dogs at home. He's allowed to say this and also allowed to highlight if this feels like too much and something he didn't sign up to. A lot of your replies say "he knew", but not really any detail or acknowledgement that he's been involved in or supportive of your decision to foster and then rehome these dogs yourself.

Lovemusic82 · 13/04/2024 11:18

I don’t understand why someone who loves and works with dogs married someone who doesn’t like dogs/animals?

Ditch the husband….get more dogs 😁

My ex husband wasn’t keen on animals, it took me a while to realise he wasn’t the person for me, me and the dc now have quite a few pets. Animals are really important to me, I can’t imagine not having pets.

TyrannasaurusJex · 13/04/2024 11:21

Ah, another classic MN AIBU where the OP asks if she's being unreasonable, the majority say "yes" and she just replies with "no I'm not" (or in this case, "no I'm not, I work with dogs").
OP - what exactly are you hoping to get out of this thread?

Liv999 · 13/04/2024 11:25

Sorry OP but YABU, your husband agreed to take on the dog as a foster, not permanently and now you want to keep it, you need to re home the dog, totally unfair on your husband, 4 dogs is a lot for someone who is not a dog person

GingerPirate · 13/04/2024 11:49

Soubriquet · 13/04/2024 09:08

Keep the dogs, boot the husband

Other way round. Ugh. 😖
Animals in the house.

TequilaNights · 13/04/2024 11:51

What breed/size dogs are they?

What does he specifically not like about them?

He must have given reasons why

Your response to everyone is very one dimensional, your not expanding on anything and feels like your not giving all information, just gushing over this dog, is it like a denial that the dog can do no wrong?

Midnightrunners · 13/04/2024 11:52

My husband is pretty easy going but he wouldn't put up with that. I'd have to make a choice and my family would come first. It has to.

YeahComeOnThen · 13/04/2024 11:57

@Ndhu

people seem to be missing the point that you work with rescues &foster & train. It's not like they're just family pets 🙄🙄🙄

he knew what he was signing up for when you got married. He can get a divorce if he suddenly doesn't want it anymore, but don't let him stop you being you.

Ratfan24 · 13/04/2024 12:02

It sounds like dogs are your life and your lifestyle is dogs. Having a DH who is not on board with it will never work out. Plus if you do all the dog care child care and house work would you even notice he was gone?

Ihateboris · 13/04/2024 12:07

Ditch the DH, keep the dogs.
By the way, as you're a dog trainer, may I ask how I can stop my 10 month old lab jumping up me???

fieldsofbutterflies · 13/04/2024 12:07

YeahComeOnThen · 13/04/2024 11:57

@Ndhu

people seem to be missing the point that you work with rescues &foster & train. It's not like they're just family pets 🙄🙄🙄

he knew what he was signing up for when you got married. He can get a divorce if he suddenly doesn't want it anymore, but don't let him stop you being you.

Nobody is missing the point.

Her DH agreed to foster this dog. He didn't agree for it to become a permanent feature.

Catza · 13/04/2024 12:14

6pence · 13/04/2024 11:05

So many unanswered questions.

How many did you have when you first got together?

Did he agree to temporary foster the dog and now he doesn’t want you to keep her full time?

Did he agree to the 6 month old puppy and was this before or after the foster dog? Was/is the 6 month old dog also fostered, which is why you are happy to “get rid of it”

How many other foster dogs have you had in the past?

Shem mentioned up thread that she had one dog when they got married. So over the last 6 years she amassed 3 more, two of which in the last 6 months alone. So "he knew" doesn't really seem to stuck up with any of it as the husband clearly sees "foster" dogs being brought in and then not actually given up to permanent families for adoption.

saraclara · 13/04/2024 12:15

You've still not answered the question about whether he only agreed to the fostering, and not to keeping this dog permanently.

Given that you've consistently ignored all those who've asked it, we can probably guess the answer.

mrsdineen2 · 13/04/2024 12:17

Aquamarine1029 · 13/04/2024 09:10

You brought a feral dog into your home and you have children?

Yes, and @Soubriquet was tripping over herself to get the first reply and tell OP to throw the person trying protect the kids from a feral dog out of the house.

GoodOldEmmaNess · 13/04/2024 12:22

Four dogs is an awful lot of dogs to have in a household where not everyone is keen. Not really fair on the dogs or the DH.

IncompleteSenten · 13/04/2024 12:24

These discussions you had.
Were they
this is what I'm thinking of doing, this is what I'd need to be doing, this is how it would affect us all, how would you feel about that if I was to go ahead..
Or were they
There's a dog I want to take on, this is what he's like, ok?

Because there's "discussions and he knew"
And there's discussing something
Iyswim.

Gettingonmygoat · 13/04/2024 12:27

4 dogs are a pack and take a hell of a lot of time out of your day. Where do the live, inside or out ? If inside, that is a lot of doggy smell and dog hair and 4 dogs take up a lot of room. Not everyone could live with a pack of dogs and i think your Husband has tried and has realised he doesn't want that lifestyle.
Maybe you need to re home the last one and agree to not bring any more home.

Pleasealexa · 13/04/2024 12:28

@TyrannasaurusJex, 😆 perfect

Honestly Op you are being very self focussed. It is reasonable for your husband to find 4 dogs too much, even if initially he thought he could cope.
4 dogs will generate lots of housework, which you say you do but it still impacts everyone else in the house. Also do you earn enough from your job to support your contribution to the house as well as pay for the dogs? It must be very expensive, to feed, insure and groom 4 dogs.

My advice, have some empathy for your husband.

Whenwillitgetwarm · 13/04/2024 12:32

There is a big difference between short term fostering/training and adopting dogs.

I feel sorry for the DH and kids. OP is collecting and hoarding dogs. No concerns over the humans in the house. Poor neighbours too.