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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

I have 4 dogs and husband hates them all

186 replies

Ndhu · 13/04/2024 09:06

So, I'm a dog trainer and a mum.

I have 4 dogs.... before my husband married me he knew I was in love with animals.
6 years down the line and he hates everything about animals.

He hates the fact I have my dogs even though I walk them. Feed them. Keep them out of his way...
Pick the poo up...
Clean the house....
And deal with my children.

I adopted our 4th dog a while ago as she was feral and I put a lot of hard work into her...

I've offered him to get rid of our other dog who is 6 months old and isn't adjusting well to the house but he wants this one dog gone....

I'm torn, I really am as this dog means the world to me.....

Am I being unfair?

OP posts:
kitsuneghost · 13/04/2024 09:20

I wouldn't move in with a dog lover but your husband did, so in this respect YANBU.
However did you discuss the introduction of a feral dog or you did you just rock up with it.
Also agree with PP that you shouldn't be bringing a feral dog into a house with children.

Strugglingtodomybest · 13/04/2024 09:20

So he agreed to having this dog when it was 4 months old, but now, 4 months later, he wants it gone, is that right?

What's his actual problem with it?

I think that he married you knowing that this is what your job involves and it's a bit strange that he's now objecting to it.

Pinkdelight3 · 13/04/2024 09:21

He agreed to take her on, she was only a foster I work with a few rescues.

So he agreed to take her on as a foster or as an adopted permanent fixture?

Original poster
Ndhu · 13/04/2024 09:21

Pinkdelight3 · 13/04/2024 09:19

I adopted our 4th dog a while ago as she was feral and I put a lot of hard work into her...

You were wrong to do that when you knew how he felt about having the others. You're abdicting responsibility with all the emotional helplessness. No one gets a fourth dog, especially not a feral one, when their DH and father of their kids doesn't like dogs. Not unless you're forcing an ultimatum.

Mmm, I disagree as I work with dogs.

He agreed on bringing this dog in and allowing me to work with her.
She was only a puppy and now she's 8 months old and is a great dog. A lot better than any dog I've ever had or trained.

OP posts:
Anameisaname · 13/04/2024 09:21

But why does he want this one gone specifically?
It sounds like you brought her in as a Foster and now want to keep? In which case if he agreed as Foster and now pushing back on adoption that's fair enough. 4 dogs is a lot IMHO

raspberryberet7 · 13/04/2024 09:22

Ndhu · 13/04/2024 09:13

Yes, I work with rescues. As stated. I'm a dog trainer, the dog is amazing with the children and I have changed her life in 4 months... she is only 8 months old :)

Why do you keep getting dogs if your husband doesn't want them?

PermanentTemporary · 13/04/2024 09:22

This sounds impossible. You can't just bring dogs into a shared house without the other person's full agreement.

You need a cards on the table discussion, and you need to be honest with yourself. Do you care about the dogs more than him? That's not a value judgment - tbh i cared more for my son than my husband in some ways and i know I'm not unusual - but he should know that you're not prepared to give an inch.

Or you agree a number of dogs that he can accept living with, and rehome the others. And don't being any more in fgs.

Original poster
Ndhu · 13/04/2024 09:22

DoreenonTill8 · 13/04/2024 09:18

What's the general cost of housing, feeding, vets bills etc for 4 dogs?
It sounds like that number will heavily impact what you do as a family, how long can you be out of the house at a time, holidays etc.

I work for my dogs. So he dosent have to.
It's not a large amount as they're all kept healthy and do have insurance incase anything happened.

Holidays, we don't really go on as he just wants to work or sit at home on the PlayStation.
I've offered dog sitters but he dosent want people in the home. ..

OP posts:
TheBottomsOfMyTrousersAreRolled · 13/04/2024 09:22

Soubriquet · 13/04/2024 09:08

Keep the dogs, boot the husband

My first thought too.

is he not your children’s father either? And is he doing jo housework?

Maneandfeathers · 13/04/2024 09:23

I also work with dogs but 4 in a household is a lot if he’s not on board.

What is it about this one he dislikes?

Original poster
Ndhu · 13/04/2024 09:23

PermanentTemporary · 13/04/2024 09:22

This sounds impossible. You can't just bring dogs into a shared house without the other person's full agreement.

You need a cards on the table discussion, and you need to be honest with yourself. Do you care about the dogs more than him? That's not a value judgment - tbh i cared more for my son than my husband in some ways and i know I'm not unusual - but he should know that you're not prepared to give an inch.

Or you agree a number of dogs that he can accept living with, and rehome the others. And don't being any more in fgs.

He agreed with me.
As I stated, I work with dogs for a living....

I'm not being stupid and bringing a crazy arse dog in with children etc

This is my job, I work with rescues and she come to me. So, he knew

OP posts:
DoreenonTill8 · 13/04/2024 09:23

Ndhu · 13/04/2024 09:22

I work for my dogs. So he dosent have to.
It's not a large amount as they're all kept healthy and do have insurance incase anything happened.

Holidays, we don't really go on as he just wants to work or sit at home on the PlayStation.
I've offered dog sitters but he dosent want people in the home. ..

Show quote history

But do you also work for the household and not just for the dogs? If so great.

bridgetreilly · 13/04/2024 09:24

OP, you are not listening. You just keep repeating how great this dog is.

What about your DH, is he great? Does he matter or only the fact that you work with dogs? Apparently he agreed to everything, and yet he has become someone who ‘hates animals’. Can you not see that you are the one who has made him feel like that?

Original poster
Ndhu · 13/04/2024 09:24

TheBottomsOfMyTrousersAreRolled · 13/04/2024 09:22

My first thought too.

is he not your children’s father either? And is he doing jo housework?

Show quote history

Yes, he's the children's father.

No house work no, I take on it all plus work and be mum lol

OP posts:
raspberryberet7 · 13/04/2024 09:25

What is your job op I don't think you've mentioned it!

Original poster
Ndhu · 13/04/2024 09:25

DoreenonTill8 · 13/04/2024 09:23

But do you also work for the household and not just for the dogs? If so great.

Show quote history

Yes, of course...

OP posts:
Mrsjayy · 13/04/2024 09:25

It sounds like it's all got too much for him he's probably agreed because the dogs are your passion, has he maybe seen something in the latest dog that you haven't? Is it maybe a bit more aggressive than he thought. I really think you should stop bringing dogs into the house.it doesn't sound like he copes and the 4th is the final straw.

MidnightPatrol · 13/04/2024 09:25

I’m an animal lover but four dogs is too many dogs.

And bringing home a feral one… I mean, no I don’t think I’d be too happy about that either.

Original poster
Ndhu · 13/04/2024 09:25

raspberryberet7 · 13/04/2024 09:25

What is your job op I don't think you've mentioned it!

I am a dog behaviourist/ trainer.

OP posts:
MyOtherCarisAVauxhallZafira · 13/04/2024 09:26

I couldn't live with 4 dogs, the hair and smell and constant, we need to get back for the dogs would be too much for me. One permanent dog seems reasonable especially as you also have fosters you train, 4 is just too many.

Original poster
Ndhu · 13/04/2024 09:27

kitsuneghost · 13/04/2024 09:20

I wouldn't move in with a dog lover but your husband did, so in this respect YANBU.
However did you discuss the introduction of a feral dog or you did you just rock up with it.
Also agree with PP that you shouldn't be bringing a feral dog into a house with children.

No, it was a discussion. I work with a rescue and told him the situation and he was fine with it.

The dog is fine with children and is completely different.
I do work with dogs etc so he's aware of my job and roles with rescues

OP posts:
ShowOfHands · 13/04/2024 09:28

I've offered him to get rid of our other dog who is 6 months old and isn't adjusting well to the house

What does not adjusting well look like?

Summergarden · 13/04/2024 09:28

Tbh I think even most dog lovers would end up fed up of dogs if they had to live with FOUR of them…

newnamechange98 · 13/04/2024 09:28

Soubriquet · 13/04/2024 09:08

Keep the dogs, boot the husband

First comment has nailed it

fieldsofbutterflies · 13/04/2024 09:28

I also work with dogs but I wouldn't keep bringing random dogs home if I knew my DH wasn't keen, no matter how much he said it was okay. It wouldn't be fair, no matter how lovely their temperaments.

You also say you brought this new dog in as a foster but now she seems to be a permanent fixture? Did your DH agree to that or did he just believe it was temporary?

I think a lot of your posts are a bit disingenuous- you know he's not keen so why do you keep pressuring him and asking to bring more dogs in to the house?