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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

I have 4 dogs and husband hates them all

186 replies

Ndhu · 13/04/2024 09:06

So, I'm a dog trainer and a mum.

I have 4 dogs.... before my husband married me he knew I was in love with animals.
6 years down the line and he hates everything about animals.

He hates the fact I have my dogs even though I walk them. Feed them. Keep them out of his way...
Pick the poo up...
Clean the house....
And deal with my children.

I adopted our 4th dog a while ago as she was feral and I put a lot of hard work into her...

I've offered him to get rid of our other dog who is 6 months old and isn't adjusting well to the house but he wants this one dog gone....

I'm torn, I really am as this dog means the world to me.....

Am I being unfair?

OP posts:
Thecatisannoying · 13/04/2024 10:30

We had similar although not quite as extreme. I had a ginger cat before I met DH, obviously wasn’t going to rehome the cat but things deteriorated to a point (years later) where I was seriously considering rehoming him because it was absolutely miserable.

The cat unfortunately was the victim of a traffic fatality so it solved the problem in a way but I do resent DH for making me feel so guilty about it all.

Devilshands · 13/04/2024 10:33

YABU to have married/had children with someone who has such a different outlook to animals to you. Surely this was obvious to both of you at the start? Some things you can’t compromise on - pets is one of them.

Dog/cat people will ALWAYS want a furry friend. Anti-animal people won’t. The two just don’t match.

This was bound to happen eventually. When your current dogs all die (sorry to be blunt), you’ll want more and he won’t.

There’s no happy ending for anyone tbh

HulaChick · 13/04/2024 10:36

Get rid of your husband. Absolutely NO WAY would I even entertain getting rid of a dog when he knew yhe score before you married. Arsehole & you will be too if you do this.

AnOpinionInTheHand · 13/04/2024 10:37

What does your DH actually do around the house? No wonder you love your dogs more it doesn’t sound like you get a lot back off him

JillyTheJinx · 13/04/2024 10:38

MooseAndSquirrelLoveFlannel · 13/04/2024 09:36

Only dog owners think their house doesn't smell. Dogs smell, full stop. Doesn't matter how much you clean. You won't notice as you're around dogs all the time.

Show quote history

A clean well groomed dog that has a bath once in a while, has regularly washed bedding, a clean environment, does NOT smell. Full stop.

C0NNIE · 13/04/2024 10:38

You have three options

  1. rehome some of the dogs to your husband is happy and don’t bring home anymore
  2. Get a second home so you can live separately with your dogs but still be married
  3. divorce
softslicedwhite · 13/04/2024 10:41

PrimalOwl10 · 13/04/2024 10:30

You're a trainer and you use the terms get rid of a 6 month old puppy? This can't be real, the correct term is rehome, this is a living breathing animal.

This is exactly what I thought 'get rid' is a very harsh phase for somebody who apparently lives and breathes dogs

fieldsofbutterflies · 13/04/2024 10:42

Devilshands · 13/04/2024 10:33

YABU to have married/had children with someone who has such a different outlook to animals to you. Surely this was obvious to both of you at the start? Some things you can’t compromise on - pets is one of them.

Dog/cat people will ALWAYS want a furry friend. Anti-animal people won’t. The two just don’t match.

This was bound to happen eventually. When your current dogs all die (sorry to be blunt), you’ll want more and he won’t.

There’s no happy ending for anyone tbh

I agree with this as well.

I would never have married my DH if I knew he didn't like (or want) animals. It would have been a deal-breaker from day one.

Why, as someone who works with (and owns) dogs, would you marry and have children with someone who hates them so much?

Didimum · 13/04/2024 10:45

How many dogs did you have when you met/married?

fieldsofbutterflies · 13/04/2024 10:45

HulaChick · 13/04/2024 10:36

Get rid of your husband. Absolutely NO WAY would I even entertain getting rid of a dog when he knew yhe score before you married. Arsehole & you will be too if you do this.

The DH agreed to get the feral dog on a foster basis - he didn't agree to them re-homing it permanently. OP says herself she has rehabilitated the dog and that it's ready to go to it's forever home - so that's what needs to happen.

This was never supposed to be a permanent arrangement, yet she's trying to make it into one. That's what isn't fair.

It also wasn't fair to get another puppy, but that's another discussion altogether.

Rainbowshit · 13/04/2024 10:46

He agreed to foster the dog. He did not agree to permanently take the dog on.

You are being unfair.

Equivo · 13/04/2024 10:47

It sounds as though your husband agreed to foster her so you could work with her. Not to a permanent adoption. They are two quid different things, and tbh i'd think of a foster who you know has problems has open to ongoing discussion whether or not it's working for the family anyway.

Why does he specifically object to this dog?

Onetiredbeing · 13/04/2024 10:48

Youcannotbeseriousreally · 13/04/2024 09:17

Four dogs is far far too many dogs. I wouldn’t want to live like that at all. You’ve basically got to pick husband or dogs but I don’t blame him for asking you to make changes.

This, I can only imagine the smell and mess. But her knew this when he met you. 4 is too much though.

Tessisme · 13/04/2024 10:48

I still don't have an overall sense of when all these dogs arrived in your household. I understand that the 4th one was a few months ago, but what about the other 3? You say he knew you loved animals, but how many dogs did you have when you got married? How many of those other 3 dogs did you have to persuade your husband to let you bring home? Because I'm wondering about a gradual chipping away at his goodwill and patience here. Maybe a fourth just tipped him over the edge. My neighbour has three dogs (they are lovely!) and they take up pretty much all of her time. Four dogs is a lot. So the number you had to begin with (at the start of your marriage) is quite important for context.

BobbyBiscuits · 13/04/2024 10:49

I can see that it's your passion and your job, but I guess he could feel like they're taking over. Is the one ex feral dog untrained, aggressive?
Is it just a space thing, ie he feels 4 is too many?
It feels like you shouldn't have to sacrifice your lifestyle but is there any leeway or compromise?

MooseAndSquirrelLoveFlannel · 13/04/2024 10:50

JillyTheJinx · 13/04/2024 10:38

A clean well groomed dog that has a bath once in a while, has regularly washed bedding, a clean environment, does NOT smell. Full stop.

Show quote history

Yes, it does. Dog owners are nose blind..

HTH

Alwaysalwayscold · 13/04/2024 10:50

JillyTheJinx · 13/04/2024 10:38

A clean well groomed dog that has a bath once in a while, has regularly washed bedding, a clean environment, does NOT smell. Full stop.

Show quote history

I'm sorry but you are wrong.

GiveMyHeadPeaceffs · 13/04/2024 10:51

@Ndhu I think this is quite a tough call, he knew what you did for a living, he must have known that there was a strong likelihood of you having dogs but now he hates them? I'm not a diehard animal lover but I'd find it really odd if someone decided to shift the goalposts while in a relationship with me and told me to get rid of my cat. It would be a hard no.

Does your DH want you to get rid of your dog(s)? I think you need to sit down with him and have a talk about what he thinks you're going to change at this stage.

Tbh I'd probably tell him that he knew what he was getting into so suck it up!

rwalker · 13/04/2024 10:53

I think it’s probably built he accepted your dogs which to be blunt won’t be here forever

you’ve topped your collection did he think new rescue was moving on

Warringstars · 13/04/2024 10:54

So you have 4 dogs.
dog 1
dog 2
dog 3 - aged 6 months apparently not fitting in
dog 4 - aged 8 months, but you took them in when they were 4 months.

aside from anything else why:

  1. did you take on 2 puppies at the same time or near enough same time?
  2. why are you offering to get rid of one of your dogs? And because they’re not fitting in? They’re still so young, they haven’t been with you for long, they have to fit in with three other dogs, one of which you describe as feral and needing lots of time. What time has this puppy had? you are a trainer/behaviourist so surely you understand their challenges more than most and are more able to help them settle in? You don’t sound like you love animals at all. I feel very sorry for this dog. and for the others living with someone who “hates them all”.
Onetiredbeing · 13/04/2024 10:56

He knew, he knew, but people are allowed to not accept a situation that becomes overwhelming as it becomes a problem.
You seem to think you being a dog trainer is your primary role in life. And to you it may be. Are you ok then that he doesn't want to live like this and your family breaks up... over dogs?

ontheflighttosingapore · 13/04/2024 10:57

Well you knew your h doesn't like them and you have just gone on to add more to the family. The fact you keep saying your are a trainer is neither here nor there as he does t like them and you knew that It's his home too. If I was him I would feel very put out tbh and I say that as someone who loves dogs and has a rescue myself. You arnt compatable. Dogs are your life and they are not his. I dont see how you can resolve it without drastic action either way. Either get it down to just one dog (unfair on the dogs) or split from your husband I think you have been irresponsible bringing all these dogs in knowing full well he doesn't like them as now you will probably have to "get rid' as you say of some of the dogs. Your intentions have been good but you havnt acted with any thought about your h feelings

fieldsofbutterflies · 13/04/2024 10:58

JillyTheJinx · 13/04/2024 10:38

A clean well groomed dog that has a bath once in a while, has regularly washed bedding, a clean environment, does NOT smell. Full stop.

Show quote history

They do smell - all animals smell. I say that as someone who owns a dog and several cats, and who works with dogs on a daily basis.

That doesn't mean they smell bad or offensive, necessarily, but they do smell.

IkeaMeatballGravy · 13/04/2024 10:59

Unless I have read your post wrong, you've doubled the amount of dogs you have in less than a year? He's probably concerned about how the situation is escalating, 4 is a lot of dogs anyway but you have moved from dog to dog very quickly.

YABU to bring dogs in under the impression that they are there as a temporary foster for work reasons, then decide for yourself that you are going to keep them. If you are telling your DH you are bringing a dog home for work then you need to be professional and return/rehome the dog once your work is done.

Has he always been lazy with the household chores or has this happened since the extra dogs arrived?

ontheflighttosingapore · 13/04/2024 10:59

nonetcurtains · 13/04/2024 09:20

'Get rid' of one of your puppies? What does that involve exactly? Sounds like you don't love your dogs and that is concerning.

When you transform these dogs lives, what do you do with them? And how many have you rescued in your time as a trainer?

That get rid remark also made me uncomfortable. You might be a so called trainer but are you really acting responsibly here I don't think so.