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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Who is being unreasonable?

289 replies

TheSpoonyNavyReader · 12/04/2024 09:24

My husband and I are having a debate and I would like to know who is wrong. I am posting in AIBU for traffic.

We are a family of 5.

3 working full time. 1 working part time and one at Sixth form.

How many of the following do a family like ours use.

Toilet rolls
Kitchen rolls
bottles of shower gel
Bottles of shampoo and conditioner
Fabric conditioner
Washing pods
Deodorant
Tooth paste
Gas and electric per month.

And any other items that you buy weekly/monthly.

Settle a debate and help me prove my Husband wrong.

OP posts:
CombatLingerie · 14/04/2024 14:21

Well it probably wasn’t your intention OP but this thread has given me a right laugh. We have gone from people who use a 100 toilet rolls a week to those wiping their arses with their hands😂. I make no judgement on your consumption of products OP. I think many products are marketed in a way that leads (wrongly) to overconsumption. However it seems a terribly sad way for you to live.That may be why you are getting cross with PP’s? Is it the futility of what you are doing every day knowing that it has to be constantly repeated to your exact requirements? Did anyone on their death bed wish ever they had put a few more loads of laundry on ? I am old but still fairly clean ha ha! Life is short it should be enjoyed and that for me personally doesn’t include constant laundry.

jannier · 14/04/2024 14:50

TheSpoonyNavyReader · 14/04/2024 13:17

Its simple 3 kids, one works full time, 1 at sixth form, only at school 3 full days and one works part time 2 days a week. So 2 are home more than they are not. Does this help.

Also I have never said that I want to reduce what we use, was seeing if we were on par with others.

Edited

But your husband thinks you do spend too much and at £19k that suggests he's right. 4 adults here 2 work from home husband's wash is very dirty from work so desperate washes and he showers twice ...average shop £150 washing powder once a month

Revelatio · 14/04/2024 18:28

Although I think you do too much washing, I’m amazed you can feed and provide toiletries all those adults and guests on £19k a year! I think I spend more than that on two adults and one toddler! We do have guests often too. I think I might need some of your advice on how to reduce my grocery and toiletries bills!

TheSpoonyNavyReader · 14/04/2024 20:54

Revelatio · 14/04/2024 18:28

Although I think you do too much washing, I’m amazed you can feed and provide toiletries all those adults and guests on £19k a year! I think I spend more than that on two adults and one toddler! We do have guests often too. I think I might need some of your advice on how to reduce my grocery and toiletries bills!

What would you like to know?

OP posts:
TheSpoonyNavyReader · 14/04/2024 20:57

jannier · 14/04/2024 14:50

But your husband thinks you do spend too much and at £19k that suggests he's right. 4 adults here 2 work from home husband's wash is very dirty from work so desperate washes and he showers twice ...average shop £150 washing powder once a month

WE spend around £350 a week plus top ups and then the Butchers and Dog food, I can not get it lower than £250 please let me know how you do it.

OP posts:
TheSpoonyNavyReader · 14/04/2024 21:00

Revelatio · 14/04/2024 18:28

Although I think you do too much washing, I’m amazed you can feed and provide toiletries all those adults and guests on £19k a year! I think I spend more than that on two adults and one toddler! We do have guests often too. I think I might need some of your advice on how to reduce my grocery and toiletries bills!

What do you want to know, Dont tell some on this thread they would spin at your spending.

OP posts:
ivedonejuryservice · 15/04/2024 06:59

@TheSpoonyNavyReader I’m going to try not to sound aggressive! But I do think your consumption is high!

I too live in a “house on a hill” on a farm. DH is a “builder” and often has changes of clothes during the day if he gets soaked, sweaty or covered in sewage. X2 teens do sports.
if to wear PJ’s in bed, that’s where the skin cells go, you could change your pjs every 3/4 days and your bedding fortnightly.

we use “earth breeze” laundry sheets to wash our clothes, at 30 degrees. Clothes come out smelling clean, because they are, not because they have been masked by something fake.

you shouldn’t use fabric conditioner on towels. I can’t see that you’ve said you have. But this puts a layer on the towels fabric and possibly makes them feel unclean.
don’t not have glorious Victorian bathrooms with big towel rail to hang your towels for future use? They should do 2-3 showers if they’re hung! & not chucked on the floor … it’s a big bug bare in our house reminding the teens to hang towels.

loo roll use seems excessive - however when I think about it, we use 40 rolls every 12 weeks in subscription, but they claim to be double rolls, in reality I think they’re a bit more than that (compared to what we’ve been provided with in self catering holidays!). So we’re using 3.3 rolls a week … but it might be 8 of what you’re using.

kitchen roll last about a month a roll as we mostly used cotton cloths (white minkys from the supermarket - nothing fancy- but last and last) for washing up and wiping up)

less shampoo, conditioner and shower gel is more - have you tried putting it in pump bottles and using less? You get a laver but don’t waste the liquid.

we mostly use “roll on” deodorant. Mine is from tropic and it lasts me over 3 months, applying daily, or sometimes twice daily if I have a second shower, without putting chemicals into my body like the sprays do.
it doesn’t block my pores, I don’t ever really sweat and if I do it’s not from where the deodorant has been put! I don’t smell when I sweat. … when I used “sure” I was aware I did occasionally. This is a cream, rather than what you think of as a roll on, not a stick and not a ball. it has an applicator, so you aren’t rubbing it with your hands. i’d reconsider spray deodorant. Do some reading.

we spend about £130 a month in electric, every month and the equator £75 on heating oil. I too tumble dry lots, one of the joys of country living is that if you use a clothes line everything gets splattered in dust (which is mostly dried cow/pig poo!

I think we have to do what suits us, but I think you can do some bits to help yourself. Just conversations about waste & usage, without noticing too much difference, but making a difference, to the environment and your spend and the amount of time you spend doing things.

ivedonejuryservice · 15/04/2024 07:05

Ooh, and try a scoop of washing soda in each load of washing and less powder, it softens hard water (& believe me I know about hard water!) and isn’t damaging to aquatic life.
you can buy in bulk on line or pick it up in the supermarket or home bargains.
might also negate the need for fabric softener as the wash water will be softer and also the fabric.

it’s great for soaking whites (like school shirts and cricket whites) to lift the dirt and saves a hot wash which risks fixing a stain. …. I do it a few times a year. Not constantly.

Notamum12345577 · 15/04/2024 07:39

TheSpoonyNavyReader · 12/04/2024 10:32

No disabilities but I do at least 25 loads of washing a week, and probably over use the washing powder and I like the clothes to smell nice.

Everyone in the house wears clean clothes everyday, bedding is washed weekly or twice a week in the summer, we have 3 super king bed, and 2 king size.
Towels are washed after every use, and we all shower/bath daily or twice a day.

I use a box of colour washing powder and a box of bio for whites each month.

Edited

25 washes a week for a family of 5 is massively high!

celticprincess · 15/04/2024 08:15

Wow I shower daily but wash my towels weekly. They don’t smell when they’re hung to dry on the towel rail or near the towel rail.

We are a smaller household (1 adult 2 teens all female) but I do one white load a week which is usually school shirts and some white socks and off tshirt. 2 loads for the kids darker uniform. One load for all my dark washing. I’m in the bedding gets washed when I remember. Monthly often. But we all sleep in pyjamas and the heating is off over night so the bedding doesn’t get the sweat. Fabric conditioner I use a small anmoont and never had scent boosters. I also do a reusable sanitary wash as and when needed as we all use washable sanitary wear but this requires a cold rinse and then detergent only. I only buy. 4 pack of toilet rolls a week as we are out most of the day at school and work and I have one child who is excessive in her usage.

I buy those huge bed head shampoos and conditioners for me and they last a couple of months with alternate days hair washed for me. The kids have their own body shop shampoo and conditioners but they seem to last a few months each as well but they wash hair twice a week. Shower gel I use a bottle every 2-3 weeks as don’t need loads in a shower. Kids have their own. One daily showed uses similar to me and the other alternate daily showers and hers lasts for ages.

Deodersmt one a roll on and it lasts for a few months. It’s a triple dry one but I do use it daily. I used to use aerosol and went though more. Kids use deodorant cream/sticks and they tend to last a couple of months too.

I buy kitchen roll but don’t use loads. But I do use wipes. I know some use kitchen roll as better than wipes environmentally.

Clothes wise. Kids have fresh shirt daily but jumpers to last a couple of days. Eldest has 2 pairs of trousers for school and youngest has daily as she gets grubby. Personally I wear jeans alot and wash once a week as jeans don’t need washing as much. Hoodies the same, weekly maybe unless spilt down. T-shirts and tops I change daily. Kids wear stuff once to be honest and if it’s so much has been on an hour it ends up in the wash but I am encouraging jeans to last longer. We all wear fresh PJs every other day or less of not been sweaty.

PEARLJAM123 · 15/04/2024 08:17

You don't need fabric conditioner at all. Or scent boosters.

BubziOwl · 15/04/2024 08:29

I can only assume OP has a BO problem. I have never met anyone who needs to do that much washing just to smell clean.

Divaprincess · 15/04/2024 09:07

TheSpoonyNavyReader · 12/04/2024 09:58

Our electric is £170 per month that does not change throughout the year.

Our gas in the winter is £400 per month.

We are lucky that we can afford it but we were going through the household costs last night and it was eye opening, at what we spent.

Mine never gets higher than £400 for both in height of winter and I have a 3 storey 5 bed house. It's about £250 now. We have thermostat set to 19 , and hot water is on for 2 hours/ day that does 4 showers , 1 bath and what we need to washing hands/ washing up. the house is pretty well insulated so we can keep temperature fairly low. I would check your nest app or similar if you have one as changing out hot water settings saved us a fortune.

Stormyweathr · 15/04/2024 09:43

TheSpoonyNavyReader · 12/04/2024 09:24

My husband and I are having a debate and I would like to know who is wrong. I am posting in AIBU for traffic.

We are a family of 5.

3 working full time. 1 working part time and one at Sixth form.

How many of the following do a family like ours use.

Toilet rolls
Kitchen rolls
bottles of shower gel
Bottles of shampoo and conditioner
Fabric conditioner
Washing pods
Deodorant
Tooth paste
Gas and electric per month.

And any other items that you buy weekly/monthly.

Settle a debate and help me prove my Husband wrong.

Two of us and we use
1 toilet roll per day
1 shower gel per week
shampoo and conditioner last about 3 weeks
washing powder - 1 x 64 wash bottle per month
fabric softener - 1 per month

I do daily washing to keep it down so whatever we wear in a day gets washed on a quick economy wash every night

bedding once a week
towels - we use two towels each per week

a few suggestions to cut costs

  • you can buy shampoo bars instead of bottles now these may last you longer
  • replace your kitchen roll with reusable cloths
  • reuse towels even if it’s every other day
  • scent boosters - they are just a waste of money and damage your machine if you are using fabric conditioner your clothes will smell nice anyway so maybe avoid these as sometimes the smell of them is overbearing anyway
  • If you are using a lot of toilet roll maybe buy a better quality one and see if the cost balances out and if you use less of the more expensive ones
HolidayAtNight · 15/04/2024 10:21

@TheSpoonyNavyReader I haven't read all the posts but have you considered getting a water softener installed within your water system? I'm not sure how they work but someone I know has had it done and it makes a huge difference to how effectively products lather and clean, and makes rinsing easier. It might mean you felt things were clean for longer, and makes e.g. rinsing conditioner out of hair a lot quicker.

TheSpoonyNavyReader · 15/04/2024 12:01

BubziOwl · 15/04/2024 08:29

I can only assume OP has a BO problem. I have never met anyone who needs to do that much washing just to smell clean.

I do not have BO, as a shower daily but thanks.

The washing habit is one that I got from my Mum, I also wear clean clothes daily because I like them to be clean and ironed, I cant stand worn and creased clothes that smell musty.

OP posts:
TheSpoonyNavyReader · 15/04/2024 12:06

Divaprincess · 15/04/2024 09:07

Mine never gets higher than £400 for both in height of winter and I have a 3 storey 5 bed house. It's about £250 now. We have thermostat set to 19 , and hot water is on for 2 hours/ day that does 4 showers , 1 bath and what we need to washing hands/ washing up. the house is pretty well insulated so we can keep temperature fairly low. I would check your nest app or similar if you have one as changing out hot water settings saved us a fortune.

Thank you for the message.

We live in a Victorian (1821) 3 storey Listed farmhouse so can not have insulation in the walls, so the heat just leaves the house.
We have the nest APP and the water is on twice a day for 2 hours each and we can also use the Boast setting for more hot water if needed.

OP posts:
TheSpoonyNavyReader · 15/04/2024 12:12

Stormyweathr · 15/04/2024 09:43

Two of us and we use
1 toilet roll per day
1 shower gel per week
shampoo and conditioner last about 3 weeks
washing powder - 1 x 64 wash bottle per month
fabric softener - 1 per month

I do daily washing to keep it down so whatever we wear in a day gets washed on a quick economy wash every night

bedding once a week
towels - we use two towels each per week

a few suggestions to cut costs

  • you can buy shampoo bars instead of bottles now these may last you longer
  • replace your kitchen roll with reusable cloths
  • reuse towels even if it’s every other day
  • scent boosters - they are just a waste of money and damage your machine if you are using fabric conditioner your clothes will smell nice anyway so maybe avoid these as sometimes the smell of them is overbearing anyway
  • If you are using a lot of toilet roll maybe buy a better quality one and see if the cost balances out and if you use less of the more expensive ones
Edited

Thanks, but we do not need to cut costs, I was trying to see that the "average use of items" was.

Looking at your use, we use less per person of toilet roll than you a week the other posters will be frothing at the mouth.

OP posts:
Stormyweathr · 15/04/2024 12:25

TheSpoonyNavyReader · 15/04/2024 12:12

Thanks, but we do not need to cut costs, I was trying to see that the "average use of items" was.

Looking at your use, we use less per person of toilet roll than you a week the other posters will be frothing at the mouth.

I have a ocd partner so toiletries I know are excessive just wanted to give a example as a lot of people are not being very nice to you and your use is probably normal for a family your size

I am waiting for the comments tbh ha ha

DirectionToPerfection · 15/04/2024 12:38

washing powder - 1 x 64 wash bottle per month

If there's only two of you, how?

That's at least two loads of washing per day.

Are you changing your clothes multiple times a day? Doing lots of half loads? Using too much detergent?

DirectionToPerfection · 15/04/2024 12:39

Thanks, but we do not need to cut costs, I was trying to see that the "average use of items" was.

Your husband clearly thinks you do.

nonumbersinthisname · 15/04/2024 12:41

TheSpoonyNavyReader · 15/04/2024 12:06

Thank you for the message.

We live in a Victorian (1821) 3 storey Listed farmhouse so can not have insulation in the walls, so the heat just leaves the house.
We have the nest APP and the water is on twice a day for 2 hours each and we can also use the Boast setting for more hot water if needed.

Victoria came to the throne in 1837, so your massive stone farmhouse is not Victorian if it was built in 1821. Anyone who could afford to buy and run such a property would know it is Regency period.

Stormyweathr · 15/04/2024 12:46

DirectionToPerfection · 15/04/2024 12:38

washing powder - 1 x 64 wash bottle per month

If there's only two of you, how?

That's at least two loads of washing per day.

Are you changing your clothes multiple times a day? Doing lots of half loads? Using too much detergent?

I do one wash daily for the clothes we wear that day, my partner has a job which means he has dirty clothes everyday too and this washing style is purely because I have a illness that wouldn’t allow me to do big loads or have large amounts to be put away at once etc this just means I can manage it a bit better

I also do towels bedding etc once a week
if it’s a nice sunny day once a week I will wash dressing gowns, throw blankets or any jackets or coats that haven’t been done in a while

its just a way of me managing washing with a illness and also working full time

IHopeYouStepOnALegPiece · 15/04/2024 12:50

Fuck me.

An electric car and the fact that Malcom in Southport only washes his towels once a fortnight does not make up for this environmental shitshow

clary · 15/04/2024 13:04

Stormyweathr · 15/04/2024 12:25

I have a ocd partner so toiletries I know are excessive just wanted to give a example as a lot of people are not being very nice to you and your use is probably normal for a family your size

I am waiting for the comments tbh ha ha

I’d be surprised if many ppl thought the op’s usage was usual. Especially as they spend about 2/3 of an average person’s take-home salary on groceries and toiletries. I’m pretty average and I certainly couldn’t afford a grocery bill of £19k a year.

Sorry your partner has OCD - that must be very challenging for both of you and certainly explains some of your usage. Not that any of this is anyone’s business really (except maybe for environmental considerations)