Wedding rings and DD/DSD

[TheCheekyKob]

I recently had my wedding/Engagement & eternity ring valued at a jewellers for insurance purposes.

A discussion happened after and I’m not sure if I’m being unreasonable.

I made a passing comment that it was nice they were valued at more then what we realised but it didn’t really matter as I wouldn’t ever sale them and plan to pass them down to our daughter anyway eventually.

DH was confused and presumed I would pass one to his DSD and I corrected him and said no, I planned to pass all 3 to our daughter as they are my rings. We had a minor ding dong about it in which he said he didn’t think it was fair and as he paid for them he should get to decide where they go after.

I completely disagree with this as yes he may have bought them but he gave them to me! They are the rings that signify our relationship and DSD would probably flog is straight away to get a few quid.

Just for background proposes DH and DSD mum were never married or engaged.

So should I be sharing the rings?

I am a step mum to 2 daughters, plus mum to one. My rings are being willed to DD, DSD x 2, my sister and nieces. All have been chosen to go to who I think will value them most, and the history of each ring is written on a little card in a ring box. I wouldn't dream of not including my DSD in leaving my rings.

Well she might but there is less chance she will then DSD for obvious reasons.

I wouldn’t sell my great nans wedding ring or either of my nans wedding rings that I have for sentimental reasons. If I was about to become homeless then clearly I would rethink but until then.

Why are you so limited in thinking?

If you're not grasping after the financial, and only engaged in the emotional sentiment of passing down very important rings - which should pass down to your daughter, because that's the continuity.

Why doesn't dad create - or promise to create - a ring of equal value to pass down to his "illegitimate" daughter who is likely to inherit very little.

Seriously, when you take all the property inheritance into evaluation, and he dies first, non-important daughter probably get a hugely lesser share than your daughter.

So why don't you bless dad making a ring just for his daughter, of equal value, just to your engagement ring, for just this daughter, that you don't want included in the inheritance.

That would be a special father-daughter bond.

Or do you hate her?

Exactly this.

Lots will disagree but I think DSD should be allowed something from her father but the OP thinks that is wrong.

Tbh I have avoided reading replies as I know I am in the minority and don't feel the need to retalliate. Some comments by OP haven't been very kind either.

And some comments Iv had haven’t been very kind either. It goes two ways. People shouldn’t give it if they can’t take it.

DSD is getting something from her father. A watch. Something that is his and not mine. That’s fair.

YANBU, DH can give DSD what he wants but you give your rings to your daughter.

Do you not have another less sentimental piece of jewellery you could l leave her to show you care?

OP doesn’t want to leave her anything. It’s not about the rings in particular.

This has been suggested and ignored quite a few times.

Already said multiple times she’s getting left her dads watch. 🙄

It’s because I don’t own any other pieces except my nans wedding rings. Which I obviously won’t be gifting her.

also didn’t realise that just because people made a suggestion I had to answer it.

People are so weird on here about stepparents.

I have two DSD and my own DD... not sure why but I have my family rings I would give to my DD, but my engagement ring I will probably give to one of my DSDs... whatever happens I always believe in fairly sharing out inheritance. I wouldn't want any bad blood between the girls

Do what you want, they are your rings. However, you must make sure they are mentioned in your will, otherwise, who knows what will happen to them?

How would you choose which DSD gets the engagement ring? I think that would be more likely to lead to bad feeling.

Surely it would make more sense to give your DD wedding related rings and share out other ones if that's what you'd like to do.

I'd think it was really weird if my stepmum left me her engagement ring and not my half-sister who was literally a product of her and my dad's marriage.

It would be really awkward and I'd just give it to my sister.

My ex fiancé asked for my engagement ring back because ‘he bought it’ so felt it belonged to him if we split. My solicitor said it was a gift so it belonged to me.

Traditionally don’t you return the ring if you break the engagement?

They are your rings to do as you wish!
my rings will go to my daughter as they should. My mothers rings went to my eldest sister and she will also pass them onto my daughter and not her DIL to ensure they stay in the family - unless she has a granddaughter and then they will be shared
You have no obligation to leave your step daughter your rings if you are close or not - she can inherit from her own mother

I never understand why the girls have to inherit all of the jewellery.
I have a dd and a ds and I’ve told dd she’s no more entitled than her db to my jewellery and must share fairly with him.

Whilst clearing the family home after his df’s death dh was constantly informed by his siblings that they wanted this or that item.
One day he suggested I take a particular item we knew dd would like. I remarked that perhaps he should chk with his dsis.
Dh just looked up and said ‘they were my parents too.’

I wouldn't want a random woman having my very personal things. They are for my daughters who I trust to keep and enjoy them. My son can have other things. I've no intention of passing them on to a potential DIL who might split up with my son (I hope that never happens to him, but...!)

I would like them to be kept within my family.

Once you have passed on rings and things, it's up to the recipient what they do with it. I will sell the jewellery my mother plans to leave me, unless it means something to my own daughters. I'm not big on jewellery.

to be brutally honest- you won’t be here to enforce. I think it’s not about the rings but about one child getting “nothing” and he feels like she’s not being treated equally. I hope it’s that and not I paid for them so they are mine- that would be a red flag. Don’t get hung up on rings but if he feels his daughter isn’t being treated equally you both need to address that immediately

Personally I would be with you OP, I would expect my partner to leave things of sentiment to his children from his previous relationship, although if in time it felt like something to consider, I would absolutely be open to it, but would probably be more comfortable for both to leave her other jewellery without the marriage connotation. From the other perspective - I do not particularly want my stepmother’s wedding jewellery or rings from my dad? And perhaps selfishly I would sell it, so she may as well leave it to someone closer to her. I also don’t particularly want my mothers engagement ring from either of her relationships. Although apparently it will be mine 🤣

If you initiate the split. An engagement ring was traditionally a contract.

Definitely.
There are places that sell second hand engagement rings...but who on earth would buy one?
I have bought second hand silver vintage jewellery before, but rings are just so personal, and really do seem to take on the vibes of the person who wore it.

They're your rings to do as you please with them. Yes he paid for them but gave them to you so it's your choice who you'd like to leave them to. Why would he think you'd leave his Daughter one when they'd have no sentiment to her whatsoever? He can leave his ring to her if he has one.