Wedding rings and DD/DSD

[TheCheekyKob]

I recently had my wedding/Engagement & eternity ring valued at a jewellers for insurance purposes.

A discussion happened after and I’m not sure if I’m being unreasonable.

I made a passing comment that it was nice they were valued at more then what we realised but it didn’t really matter as I wouldn’t ever sale them and plan to pass them down to our daughter anyway eventually.

DH was confused and presumed I would pass one to his DSD and I corrected him and said no, I planned to pass all 3 to our daughter as they are my rings. We had a minor ding dong about it in which he said he didn’t think it was fair and as he paid for them he should get to decide where they go after.

I completely disagree with this as yes he may have bought them but he gave them to me! They are the rings that signify our relationship and DSD would probably flog is straight away to get a few quid.

Just for background proposes DH and DSD mum were never married or engaged.

So should I be sharing the rings?

It wouldn’t, at this point, occur to me to leave jewellery to my step daughter. This of course may change with time.

Ultimately, your husband cannot dictate what you do with your rings and you’ve reached agreement on how jewellery will be bequeathed to the children now.

Because they've nothing to do with one another - OPs daughter isn't going to have a relationship with her stepdads ex 🤦‍♀️

So then it’s ’fair’ that one daughter inherits from three parents, and the other inherits from two?

This.

I bought my husband’s watch for him. He told me that he wanted it to go to his son.

After DH died, I sent it to his son.

It's not about being fair - it's about the relationship between stepmother and stepdaughter.

The ex may meet someone and they'll be other step parents.

Clearly the OP doesn't think much of get SD.

She has her own mum to pass on sentimental value items. Married or not.

I would do the same OP. Although I would feel like I am technically being unfair.. but I guess it depends on how long DSD has been in your life, did you help raise her when young? Or was she older (late teens+) when you and DH met/married.

As if she were young she may wonder why she’s been treated differently. But if she was older she likely understands your point of view anyway.

I have a step mother and I wouldn’t expect her to pass down her jewellery to me.

It’s also about the relationship between mother and daughter, which is naturally more meaningful and important to OP than the one she has with her stepdaughter. Fairness also matters, and there’s no reason for OP to provide an inheritance to her stepdaughter, reducing the one for her daughter, when she has her own mother to inherit from.

Not leaving someone an inheritance doesn’t mean you don’t like someone, or that you think little of them. That’s quite the leap to make.

They’re your rings give them to who you want, he may have bought them but they were given as a gift to you, I would expect her mother to pass things to her own daughter.

i think it depends on your relationship with DSD. Step children as treated as equals by all the family in our family. They are a grandchild/niece etc and are written into wills etc. but if you are not close then you are not being unreasonable

Seems like you’ve agreed on something between you.

It seems a shame to me, you say numerous times ‘he gave me the rings’ - which is true, but he gave you them as a symbol of your relationship and combing families is clearly part of this. Hope she doesn’t feel too left out.

I think it depends on how close you are to DSD and how long you’ve been married, how old she was at that time etc. if you’re not close and don’t see her much then fair enough.

If you spend a lot of time with her, I really think it’s a shame you haven’t developed the relationship to the point of wanting to leave her something this symbolic.

Yes it does! Stepdaughter has a mother who can leave her stuff. Why is stepdaughter entitled to inherit from her mother AND stepmother, while OP’s daughter only inherits from her mum?

Maybe DH should stop buying OP any more jewellery and treat his DD to some instead

That’s fine when talking about inheritance of assets but wedding rings are left for sentimental reasons rather than financial so I don’t agree with this

Daughter might get how own step mum one day. Then she’ll inherit from two women too. Look on the bright side…she’s not destined to be disadvantaged by a stable family.

What a strange comment.

I agree. But, that also means OP’s relationship with stepdaughter is not close enough for her to want to bequest one of her rings. And as they are her rings, she should get to decide whom to leave them to, without pressure and guilting.

There’s no ‘too’ here - OP isn’t leaving her stepdaughter an inheritance.

It’s fine if some stepparents want to leave their stepchild/ren something, and it’s equally fine if they don’t.

Yes agreed it doesn’t sound like they’re close, only she knows the ins and out of their relationship

In what way?

I think it depends on your relationship with DSD and how long/from what age you have been in each others lives. I don’t have any bio kids yet but couldn’t imagine leaving all of mine just to my own future children. I could imagine leaving my most expensive (engagement) to my bio child and say wedding ring/earrings to DSDs. But then I have a very loving and close relationship with both of my step daughters from a young age.

Of course it’s your decision, not his. Likewise with his personal items.

The snide “not destined to be disadvantaged by a stable family” is an odd comment for a variety of reasons. I’m not surprised you lack the insight to see that, considering you posted it at all.

There are a lot of comments about the SD gaining some sort of unfair advantage. I made the post to point out DD wouldn’t be disadvantaged at all. The value of a stable family and happy childhood far outweighs any financial gain from a possible small inheritance SD might get from her SM.

I’m surprised you lacked the insight to realise I was making a point.

Your rings, she will get passes jewellery down from her mum no doubt

I wouldn’t even bother to reply to storm, through out the thread they have posted a load of odd comments.

How do you not know that your daughter would sell them for a few pounds ??