Wedding rings and DD/DSD

[TheCheekyKob]

I recently had my wedding/Engagement & eternity ring valued at a jewellers for insurance purposes.

A discussion happened after and I’m not sure if I’m being unreasonable.

I made a passing comment that it was nice they were valued at more then what we realised but it didn’t really matter as I wouldn’t ever sale them and plan to pass them down to our daughter anyway eventually.

DH was confused and presumed I would pass one to his DSD and I corrected him and said no, I planned to pass all 3 to our daughter as they are my rings. We had a minor ding dong about it in which he said he didn’t think it was fair and as he paid for them he should get to decide where they go after.

I completely disagree with this as yes he may have bought them but he gave them to me! They are the rings that signify our relationship and DSD would probably flog is straight away to get a few quid.

Just for background proposes DH and DSD mum were never married or engaged.

So should I be sharing the rings?

OP, they are YOUR rings, so YOU get to decide whom to leave them to!

It is obviously your choice. But I don’t think it’s crazy to consider giving one to your step-daughter. I remember seeing the Will of a family I nannied for (I wasn’t really snooping, they just left it on the table) and thought it was lovely that the mum had left her wedding ring to her stepdaughter and the engagement ring to her eldest daughter. I felt it showed that she truly considered her family, and loved her as her own. She married the dad when SD was about 8.

I would imagine she would be just as happy with her dad’s wedding ring? He could will it to her.

Why should ds get dads ring over his other daughter? Just like you’ve decided who gets your rings, let your dh decide who gets his. Might be a man’s ring, but could be formed into another piece of jewellery for his daughter (your dsd), if he chooses. But it’s his decision anyway…not yours.

I didn’t say it was my decision. I was just saying the agreed outcome. He had already decided our DS would get his ring.

Yeah I can see where you are coming from on this. My dad died and his jewellery was left to me, including his wedding ring. Stepmum asked if she could hang onto it all until she died. and I said yes, I understood it was special to her.

The ring was special to me too as the man I loved, my Dad wore it and that had a relevance to both me and my stepmum, we both loved him. My stepsister (who lived with her Dad) did not love my Dad so to her it was just easy money and upon her Mums death the ring mysteriously disappeared along with all the jewellery. I would have kept it as a loving keepsake of my Dad. I can see parallels with your potential situation. Or are we pre-judging your step-daughter, only you know the status of the relationship.

However, your husband has three children not two and whilst I do totally get where you are coming from, if I loved my husband, I would probably leave one of those three rings to my stepdaughter to evidence we are a blended family. Your kids get to keep your stepdaughters Dad full time, she presumably gets limited access if she lives with her Mum? Sorry I maybe making some incorrect assumptions here, in which case apologies, but hopefully you will get my drift.

Hubby feels the need to equalise all his children, that is admirable and if you could find it in your heart to do it, I think it would mean the world to him before you consider the stepdaughter.

But again, I see your point and understand your feelings, its a tough one.

All my jewellery is going to our daughter, my DHs to our son when I die. The 2 x SDs won't get jewellery or anything else since their dad died in 2016. I gave them money from his life insurance when he died which they each used as a deposit for a house - they were 30 and 27 yo. They also received items to remind them of their dad. Our DCs were only 13 and 14 when he died so they will inherit everything when I die.

I would not expect nor have any emotional attachment to my step mums rings despite being very close with her. I would much rather have my dad's ring. Similarly I would be surprised if my mum gave my step sister one of her rings from her new marriage but also wouldn't be too bothered as I would feel more attached to the rings from my parents marriage, if they were never married then I don't think I would feel too fussed about my parents remarried rings and probably wouldn't think much on it. I doubt your step daughter would care, unless she's a money grabber and you're rocking multiple carats 😂

In reality, I don't think the stepdaughter has any expectations, its the OPs partner and his opinion on the subject that is the concern.

Sounds like it's all been sorted now at least anyway!

YABU. They're your rings do you can leave them to who you want but it seems a bit mean excluding her. And assuming they'll have no sentimental value to her does point out that you don't have the best relationship. Surely she is part of your family too? Also how upset you seem to be at the idea her dad could just buy her a ring without getting you another one too is odd.

DSD should absolutely NOT be considered for a ring which symbolises the wedding between your daughter's 2 parents. If DSD receives any ring it should have been that which symbolised the wedding between both her own parents. And as they were never married there is no ring to leave.

I can't believe your DH's thinking actually - it's laughable! What if your DH HAD been married to DSD's mum - by the same token his ex should be leaving one of her rings to your DD! And how silly does that sound!

No becasue OPs kids presumably do not spend time with her partners ex, whereas stepdaughter will spend time with her Dad, Stepmum and half siblings. The aim is surely to blend the family and make all the kids feel equally important to Dad and Stepmum.

Word of warning, my aunt died, one of her sisters was to have a particular piece of jewellery, but it was gone before sister could collect, presumed taken by one of the step daughters.
Unless you give away your possessions during your lifetime, there's no guarantee that the person who you choose will be the recipient.

That was said in jest. Lighten up.

"We had a minor ding dong about it in which he said he didn’t think it was fair and as he paid for them he should get to decide where they go after."

I had a sharp intake of breath there, OP!

Yes, he paid for them. And GIFTED them to you. The rings belong to you and you alone. Shocking attitude on his part there.

Oh so the whole post is in jest? Or are we supposed to mind read which bits are?

What young lady is likely to wear her dads watch? Seems unfair that she gets an heirloom that gets to sit in a box whilst DD gets to parade around in gems worth a lot more and that she can use.

“Parade around in gems”? 😆😆 It’s her mother’s wedding and engagement rings. She’s hardly Alexis Carrington!

Thought the laughing face emoji would of made it obvious. Forgot half of mumsnet don’t have a sense of humour or can’t take a joke. My bad.

I just assumed it was an expression - “take it to sale” as in “take it to a sale room”. I’d never heard it before, but it’s hardly difficult to work out.

Agree that is absolutely disgusting

I thought you were laughing at the idea of him buying her a ring. If not this seems like the best solution so both his daughters get nice rings and one doesn't just get a man's watch.

They were gifted to you, yours to pass on as you wish.

I swear 90% of MN would fail the y6 reading SATS, what with their lack of reading ability, comprehension, lack of inference skills and making shit up.

He leaves his rings and watches to his daughter and you to yours. I assume she will inherit off mum and dad and just daughter also you and her dad. That is how it works. Just no.

what’s your will like I wouldn’t be happy I’d want my share to go to my daughter - what happens if you die and have no will - he gets everything and can cut your daughter out.