WIBU to buy my daughter furniture she didn't pick out?

[Mastmw7g]

My daughter moved out in January. She lives alone and has no furniture. Once a week I come over with takeaway and we eat together and learn about each other's week. I asked if she wanted furniture for her birthday and she said yes. I suggested a table and chairs because we eat together and she liked that idea.

I've shown her pictures and taken her shopping, but she hasn't made any decisions. She said she doesn't know her style. I've been looking at used furniture online and I found the green upholstered chairs with black metal frames. She sat on them at IKEA. She likes green and liked that they were comfortable.

Then I found a wood table I had shown her a picture of. She had liked the picture but didn't want me spending so much when she hadn't seen the table in person.

I've tried talking to her, but she's busy. She's earning, her boyfriend is ill, she doesn't have time to drive out to homes to look at furniture. She doesn't share my urgency to get these deals before someone else. Would I be unreasonable to just buy the furniture? It could always be sold if she doesn't like it.

Bistro garden table & two chairs - so a bit temporary, a bit not long term ultimately destined for outdoors. And not some hideous well made, dated, second hand, heavy burden to lug around.

you’re coming from a good place. But do not buy her furniture. We all have our style and wishes.

My dd agonises over choosing things. Everything has to be perfect. In the end for her room, ‘perfect’ was plain white furniture from IKEA, with grey walls. Maybe your dd likes minimalism/low stimulus.

So her stepfather has decided she isn’t allowed any birthday gift as an adult. And you acquiesce to this or you have no means to override this. That’s a horrible dynamic for a child/teen/young adult to be dealing with.

I guess I would be thinking the same why no furniture but I've also been where I got a new house as pretty much had nothing and was actually very happy in that situation for a while until I got my thoughts together about furnishings. I remember my mum wanting to buy this and that and I ended up so confused in my head we had our first proper row. So she backed off and left me to it and ye I sorted myself a few months later with the help of mum and dad as by then I had got my head around what I maybe fancied and what I could afford. But pushing a person who struggles to make instant decisions just makes it worse

Is she devoting a lot of time to caring for her boyfriend? It seems to be encroaching on her own time and well-being

No, I did not acquiesce. I took her shopping.

I have a close family member who sounds very similar to your daughter. This person is autistic and struggles with the same sort of things, they would take forever to make decisions on furniture etc but they had to so it themselves. I would never buy this person furniture, I'd let them pick it themselves. I only buy them vouchers as gifts or money as I've learned after many years that they don't want gifts and find it all stressful and awkward (they also don't want money or voucher but I know it helps financially). Could you keep a pair of camping chairs in your car and bring them up to eat then say oh yknow, they can stay here if you want? Might work temporarily.

So no where to sit when you visit?

Just bizarre. I'd just say that I would buy her a table to have somewhere to sit when you visit and you will take it when she decides oh a new one. Make it clear it's for your benefit for not hers. You are too old to stand for an entire visit!

I have a black sort of round table with corners with 4 chairs underneath-maybe 1 meter by 1 meter -Argos/homebase range around £100. Would offend no one's taste aesthetic.

But if she said no to that I'd probably just not visit her house. She can visit you. Or meet outside the house.

Buy a couple of camping chairs so you have somewhere to sit when you visit- I couldn’t be doing with standing in the kitchen, then let her buy stuff in her own time and let her know that when she’s ready you are happy to help her

Up to you

hand-me-downs are never out of line and can be replaced as she likes. You Or a cousin looking for a new table?

I would hate second hand furniture especially in this bed bug epidemic with that bring one of the main ways of them being spread.

For you! Some people are very specific and take time to ger things right nothing wrong with that at all. Hate when people assume their way is the only way.

Great idea

Would offend mine.

Yes, and ADHD people can experience similar difficulty with decisions too.

This!!!!

No you can't just do that!!! Not everyone wants second hand stuff.

Why does her and her partner having fun in IKEA bother you? That's so odd.

Its her house she can choose when to buy furniture or not and if she wants floor cushions or not. People don't need to work to others time scales.

Not to mention she has a mental health issue of anxiety which can create issues with decision making. Not sure how wanting to take time to buy furniture (perfectly normal) making her anxiety someone else problem?

It's clear though she does not want visitors. Else she would compromise and buy a few bits FOR NOW to allow visitors to visit and be comfortable.

So do the one thing in your power and not visit. Meet at yours or other location.

She likes me visiting. Before she had a boyfriend she'd become so sad everytime I had to leave. She was talking yesterday about wanting to go to a club for her birthday and not having anyone besides her boyfriend to go with. And she does come to mine, but it's mostly to drop off or pick up her dog so we can take care of her during work hours. And the younger kids are here as well as my husband, so I don't get to have a proper conversation with her.

but she won't buy a simple chair and table for you to eat at.

I can't imagine ever dreaming of making my parents stand up when visiting or offering them a cushion on the floor.

their comfort, even on a temp basis, would be important to me, even if i was happy to sit on the floor for a year whilst i made up my mind.

(and i am 50 now and wouldn't visit someone who clearly didn't care if i was comfortable or not when visiting - bar moving in day for example)

If I were you (I'm not, obviously) I'd buy this and bring it as "somewhere for me to sit". It all folds up flat, she can stack it against a wall if she wants until she has visitors. No assembly required. £160. Also comes in light green, black and grey.

https://www.habitat.co.uk/product/3295393

Or this tiny version, £70.
https://www.habitat.co.uk/product/1232516