To do the bare minimum to get by at work when you have a toddler and not feel guilty about that?

[Abutre]

I am in a professional job, took years to train, office based. I do the nursery run every day (DP cannot due to his work schedule).

My manager said the other day that ‘I know you want to give 110 percent to work so let’s look at promotions by the end of the year.’

im sure this was a throwaway comment. But I’ve been thinking about it on and off ever since. I do what I can to get through the day but have quite literally a list of other things on my mind at all times. I cannot give my all in work when I’m also a mother to a very young child. I feel like it’s a joke to even expect this from a mother. Yes I know it’s business etc etc but what is expected of working parents (usually mothers) is not realistic. Aibu?

I agree.

You’re not going to get any empathy here. I say do what you need to do to get by - work don’t deserve you to sacrifice your wellbeing or quality of life, or your parenting, just so they have a hard worker to benefit them.

Give it the minimum (note this is the minimum, not ‘less than’ what you should be doing) and get home to your baby!

@ElaineMBenes all industries are different but most roles in law, accountancy, banking, financial services etc I honestly don't think it's helpful telling mothers they can be a nurturing and present mother and also work the hours required to progress in their career. If your out the house 14hrs + a day and only see your child at the weekend. Yes technically you are a mother and have a career but someone else is raising your child.

If you have a 9-5 job and that's what everyone else in the company works, then yes you can crack on with the promotions and be present with your child. I think all the posters saying they got promotions etc need to give abit more info on there chosen career and the hours required to succeed

You are very unreasonable to think being a mother gives you excuses to not do your job properly or to be given special exemptions. By consequence you're implying that those without children should cover you or do more.
Go part-time. Reduce your workload. Demote yourself. But don't expect everyone to carry you because you're so special and have kids!

This really isn't true. It applies to a limited number of roles in the City but not universally.

I'm a GC and don't think I've compromised my career at all by having children. I certainly don't think it is helpful to say that it is automatically impossible - it depends on practice area, seniority, location etc

Agree. Most of my friends work in law, accountancy, banking etc and only the ones without children are out of the house 14 hours a day. The ones with children have made things work differently

Has the OP said she isn't doing her job properly? Or expecting other people to pick up the slack? No.

She's just pushing back against an illiterate and innumerate boss who seems to think she wants to, or is even capable of, giving 110%.

I'm a GC and don't think I've compromised my career at all by having children. I certainly don't think it is helpful to say that it is automatically impossible - it depends on practice area, seniority, location etc

Snap! I am a GC in a reasonably large media organisation and I got promoted when my DS was 18 months. I never work 14 hour days but I work efficiently and I bring things (such as experience, confidence in decision making etc.) other than hours of graft to the role. One of my best people in my team is a dad in his 40s who does all the school runs so he's never around at 3 ish. This is also fine.

It's bullshit and damaging to women to say that this is impossible.

She literally said "I cannot give my all in work when I’m also a mother.." and it's unreasonable to expect it.
So someone else must be picking up the slack.
She's blaming poor performance on being a mum.

Absolutely. You don’t speak for all women or all mothers. Some? Yes, of course. It’s not unique to mothers though. Some people don’t give work their all. I worked extra hard after returning from mat leave to prove my worth.

@TheCompactPussycat - yes she did. She said - I do what I can to get through the day but have quite literally a list of other things on my mind at all times. I cannot give my all in work

I have zero problem with OP doing the minimum by the way, I think there are times in your career where you can take your foot off the pedal and I don't subscribe to giving my employer the best of me.

My objection is to the OP saying "I feel like it’s a joke to even expect this from a mother". This is so sexist and is a reason why mothers are often discounted from promotions or in recruitment. Even women without children are hurt by this attitude as there is no point in training someone up or promoting them if you think they may have a child at some point.

My experience is that there is zero correlation between effort at work and whether the person is a mother or not.

@luckylavender But that does not necessarily mean that she isn't doing her job properly or that she is relying on others to cover her. She says she's not giving her all, not that she's not doing a perfectly good job. The two are not synonymous.

I think so much depends on the job and the individual.

I have two young DC, eldest just about to turn 6, youngest will be 4 in a few months.

I've been able to do my job no problem but I haven't had the energy to take on the extras I would need for promotion. And I'm fine with that.

I do think it's good that your boss isn't mummy-tracking you, worth a chat to see if there are things you can do to progress that won't take more than you can give right now.

Don't dismiss all working mothers this way.

Why must someone else be picking up the slack? What evidence do you have that the OP not giving her all must mean not doing enough?

She hasn't said she's performing badly. You've just jumped to that conclusion without any basis for it.

Minimum effort should be minimum wage then?

I work full time, have a ten month old in full time nursery. DH works away all week so I do all nursery runs and bed time on my own.

I work hard at work because its important to me. I work hard at being a mum because its important to me.

I dont think having a child is an excuse to do the bare minimum at work. I think thats a cop out

My minimum effort results in a hell of a lot more than minimum wage.

The workers' at my DC's nursery receive little more than minimum wage for maximum effort.

Surely the fact that wages and effort aren't particularly related isn't a new fact to you?

@CelesteCunningham I was replying to someone, what are you talking about 😂

You said that her minimum effort should result in minimum wage, when that's not the case at all.

I guess it depends on where you work and the culture of that organisation but if work where I do then you'd receive very little consideration with absolutely zero prospect of promotion and a bare minimum pay rise.

Are you the one carrying the mental load? In work hours, I am mostly completely focused on the job. There are difficult times e.g. when children are ill that I might be a bit distracted, but this is the odd occasion. However my DH shares things equally, so I can rely on him for 50% of school runs and 50% of dealing with ill kids, taking them to the dentist etc. Tbh it annoys me how much others in my work have to pick up the slack for those who under work, which is usually because they have children and insufficient childcare. You are entitled to put in the minimum effort, but don't assume everyone is the same.

I'm with you, definitely. But plenty of my friends have gone back to work with a six month old baby and are excelling at their careers. I'm just letting my career tick over until my youngest is 3 or so, then I will start actively pursuing promotion.

When/if the time comes for the promotion to b discussed seriously, just state the honest reason why you can't do it, and need to stay in your current role.