A son is a son until he finds a wife, a daughter is a daughter for life

[Eminemmilkshake]

AIBU to find this comment offensive, sexist and untrue?
Its something DH family say often, suggesting I have ‘taken’ him from them and that my son will be taken one day too. Apparently my DDs will never leave.
My eldest DD is a teen and spends a lot of time with her boyfriend. I rarely spent time at home as a teen and I eventually went NC with my parents for various reasons. I know plenty of men who spend more time with their parents than their sisters do. Outdated comments like this need to stop being spouted, have any of you been the focus of this statement?

This. Sorry @Eminemmilkshake but I'm afraid I agree with the old saying 'a son is a son till he takes him a wife, a daughter is a daughter for all of her life...'

Purely going on the experience of people I know...... Daughters naturally gravitate towards their own mother much more than the MIL, and many don't get on massively well with the MIL. At best they tolerate them. Mainly because many mums of sons don't think any woman is good enough for her son (and they often show it.) I have known very few women who have an amazing relationship with their mother-in-law. Yeah they exist, but it's rare...

Eventually the husband (the MIL's son obviously,) moves away more and more from his parents lives, and he and the kids are in the maternal parents lives, a lot more than the paternal ones. Still in their lives of course, but not as much, and the maternal grandmother will ALWAYS trump the paternal one. Makes me glad I have 2 daughters really. (Who I am very close to.)

Of course there are exceptions, but they are few and far between. This saying whilst 'old' does have more than a few grains of truth. That's why some posters are getting defensive and angry on here. It's hitting a raw nerve.

There was another thread about his last month.

https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/_chat/5030076-what-is-your-take-on-the-old-adage-a-son-is-a-son-until-he-takes-a-wife-a-daughter-is-daughter-all-of-her-life

im equally close to my paternal grandmother- I’m the spitting image of her as well, look identical to when she was the same age as me it’s scary.

I have 2 DSs and 1 DD
i am close to all of them but the bond with my daughter is different- no closer or better just different!
we go shopping and out for lunch and go to concerts etc. I dint do that with my grown sons. She has her own home and lives with her partner but there’s definitely a different relationship dynamic

Same. I think sons feel less need/guilt etc to move on and have their own lives. If you look at the majority of adult children who care for parents, it is usually the daughter that is the carer. There will obviously be exceptions to the rule but go to a hospital and look at waiting rooms.. it's mainly females waiting for an elderly parents
I do my mum's shopping online and when asked.if brothers could help sometimes.i was told it wasn't feasible as they live away..it's online..but any appts I also deal with as they live away.
I therefore sadly think it does still apply when caring is involved. Sons are more able to lead very separate lives.

What a load of old crap

@Tracey66 , it’s sad that’s how you perceive that. I didn’t have daughters and while I don’t have a motherly relationship with my DIL ‘s they are a wonderful addition to my family. ☺️

Yes this.

Said by those weird mums that indulge and enable their sons then act all jelous toward their new girlfriend, always trying to prove they are the most important woman in their lives and can’t let go.

Obviously any saying doesn't mean that it's true for 100% of cases in the universe. I think this saying is broadly true. Women tend to be the organisers and managers of the family, so the maternal grandparents would be favoured because of it

My MIL lives on other side of world but my husband speaks to her regularly and they are close. My brother is very close and does masses for our elderly parents plus his partners (current & ex) were/are very close to my mum. In fact they both have difficult relationships with their own mums. My mum was definitely important in their lives. I only have 1 son who is currently single so we will see! I agree with PPs about mumsnet MIL posts are very pro females family so I do wonder if on the whole it is true. Hope not!

This

This is lovely. You are very lucky

I have three DSs, so can't compare but from what I see on here and what I see from friends, it's true to a certain extent. I live in an area of low employment so all three live elsewhere, one abroad. I haven't seen the older two since last summer. The youngest is unnatached and we see more of him. I love my sons and know they love me but they aren't involved in my every day life. If I think of those friends who have daughters, that isn't the case, the connection is stronger and even if they've gone away, they've come back. Once a man marries his wife is foremost in his life. That’s as it should be and I have no complaints.

It's an outdated and sexist idea.
My Mum-In-Law - mother of two boys - definitely gained a daughter in me. During her final days in a hospice, both of her sons were at her side 24/7.
My best friend's husband is the only one who looks after his elderly, unwell Mum, despite having two sisters.
I am the Mum of two sons and we have a great relationship, but I love watching them spreading their wings, studying, travelling, working, living great lives.

@5128gap
This exactly! I remember it being commented on from ex work colleagues. One had a close relationship with their son and had a lot in common so went out for day trips etc etc but everyone then commented how strange it was & why would a boy want to hang out with his mum. I'm sure this wouldn't have been said about a daughter.
I hope to carry on having close relationships with both my sons when they eventually leave home as we also like to do certain things together and I wouldn't want to lose that

It’s absolute bo**ocks, I have a great relationship with my DS, DIL, DD1, Dd2 and SIL and am very close with my grandchildren. I tend to think you get out what you put in without overstepping any boundaries, it works for us

My DS call me everyday, tells me he loves me, he only lives 10 mins away, his poor fiancé, he told her my mum is my Queen, he’s a big 6ft 2 builder 😍

In many cases they gain a daughter who does so much to help them, especially when they only have boys! Xx

Yes my MIL said it to me after I had a still born baby girl and then went on to have boys in quick succession but struggled with grief of the daughter I had lost and whether I could have a close
Relationship with my boys.. I had issues for a a while with struggles around this as it was said to me at such a sensitive time when I was struggling.

I've now worked on it being bullshit and have an amazing relationship with my teen boys and can't imagine that ever changing x

Lol. Shall I get your coat or will you...?

It's true believe me and unless DIL are reasonable lit is ever thus.

Yes I’m afraid it’s broadly true of the families I know too. IME the relationship with the son’s family tends to be more formal/ distanced/ respectful - however you want to phrase it. I find it a bit sad but I have to admit that if I did a tally of everyone I know there would be a distinct trend along these lines.

It really is lovely.

I was thinking about the families I know - prompted by this thread - and was just thinking it tends to be more the extended families where the MIL has no daughter that the son’s family stays closer. That made me wonder if it’s actually the SILs who have a role in creating the distance?!

It's bollocks.
I've managed somehow to keep close with both my daughter and son, and gained an almost-son and almost-daughter along the way. Love them all, and they seem reasonably fond of me too.