What is your take on the old adage, "A son is a son until he takes a wife. A daughter is daughter all of her life"?

[Bayleaftree63]

Just that really... interested in your thoughts.

Utter bullshit.

They never met my ex husband. He loved his Mummy 🙄

I think it's a load of crap and something spouted by women that have made it a self-fulfulling prophecy.

That's my opinion anyway on seeing how my mum interacted with my brother and his wife. She would always say things like that when we were growing up/teenagers....that she'd "lose" my brother when he got married. Obviously treating SIL like it was some sort of competition to be the most important person in my brother's life rather than just welcoming her into the family means they do keep their distance a bit more. It's nothing to do with him being male though, I genuinely think my mum paved the way for it by spouting nonsense like that quote.

I hate sexist comparisons, however, I have 2 DDs and we are very close. My DSis has 3 boys and she barely sees them. My brothers hardly ever went to see our DM, me and my sister saw her all the time.
So, in my very limited survey, the saying is accurate 😂

It makes me sad now I have a baby boy 🥺 I have a daughter too and a difficult relationship with my own mum so I get anxious on both fronts!

But my OH loves his mum, tolerates her quirks and spends time with her so it gives me hope. I think she promotes this by never trying to assert dominance in the family or undermine me as a mum. If she was being nasty she wouldn’t get much attention from him.

It's nonsense. My 40 year old DS has always been in my life. We call or text each other everyday. His wife isn't bothered by it. In fact they are moving up here to be closer to me. She has no parents of her own. They both died, just one sibling. But even if she did have parents me snd DS would still be very close.

This phrase is total BS. I was very fond of my (late) parents in law, but had no interest at all in my own folks.

Rubbish. I have a number of brothers and none of us are not close to our parents. The sibling who is closest physically and emotionally is male. And yes all are married/partnered

Bollocks. Probably thought up as a snazzy rhyme to ensure women take on all the care responsibilities for their parents in old age.

Sexist nonsense.

It’s a description of the effects of patriarchal gendered socialisation whereby women are still conditioned to take emotional responsibility for others, manage and promote family relationships, communications etc, to a far greater extent than men are.

Depends how the mil treats the DIL.

My DH is an excellent son and sees his mum regularly. I had an awful mum and never see her. It’s all about how a parent treats you

I love my PIL and we see them all the time. DH calls them regularly. I have a complicated relationship with my Ps and rarely see or speak to them.

Or it depends how the DiL treats the MiL.

From my own experience, boys are more loving and patient with their mothers than girls are. I've always though that quote is rubbish.

Ugh, hate it, such misogynistic bullshit and boymom creepiness. Oh, boys need mothering all their lives so their wife takes over from their mum. 🙄

I've seen some stuff online with mums whose sons are preschool who are already carping about how day they'll 'lose' him to his partner. Eeeeuuuh!

I despise that saying. It’s often been spouted at me as I have 2 DSs, and no DD. Usually by women who only had sons, and wanted daughters to go shopping, on nights out, off to spas with (that’s not conjecture, they have actually told me this). I point out that I do none of those things with my DM, and in fact my DB is probably closer to her as they are very similar in personality.

I plan to not be a dick to whoever my DSs choose for a partner in life. Just be supportive, not judgemental or demanding, and certainly not in competition with them. By doing that I’d certainly hope to maintain a lovely relationship with them all as they grow up and live their own lives, and not view it as “losing anyone”

Hahaha

I'm a mum of boys so I'm hoping it's not true, but sadly across my whole extended family it holds true.

Absolute nonsense and I've never seen this in real life. My brothers (both married with kids) see my parents more than I do.
My husband adores his mum. Phones her all the time, frequently visits and takes her away occasionally.
I know plenty of women who don't get on with their mums!

My husband has gone from speaking to his mum every day to once a week since we got married but he still thinks the sun shines out of her and this is fine. She’s his mum!

I think @Blarn has it! Bollocks. Probably thought up as a snazzy rhyme to ensure women take on all the care responsibilities for their parents in old age.

Said by mil to justify why she has a crap relationship with her son and family, Perfectly absolves her own weird behaviour!

Some truth in it from personal experience.
I often go out for lunch, shopping trips with my dd’s. We’ve just had a weekend away in Bristol which was lovely ( they organised it for my birthday ). I have sons, but can’t imagine doing the same with them ( as much as I love them )
for a start they’d be bored stiff with most of it 😄

I think as parents we need to model good behaviour, so not modelling wife admin. DH is responsible for sorting out cards/presents for his side of the family (but I will help if necessary) He also phones (video calls since COVID) his mum every week. I also have a good relationship with MIL (after a rocky start).

So hopefully DS sees that it is not up to a future partner to manage communication with us, but also that his partner can be involved too. DS is already very good at getting presents for family, keeps in reasonable communication with many family members, including grannies, whilst at university, so fingers crossed this is a good foundation to start with.

I also think we have to change the way we look at things. How often do we see on here, if a man is close to his mum he can be called a mummy’s boy but if a woman has a similar relationship with her mum, they are just seen as close. Obviously it’s not good to be completely enmeshed but that is the same for a woman too