ExH child bride

[SorryNotSorryL]

My DD turned 12 a few weeks ago and exH (seperated since she was a babe) took her out for a day trip to celebrate.
he probably sees her on average about once a month, his own choice - and it actually turns my stomach a bit to see how excited/nervous DD gets, built up to his promises of oh dads gunna take me to do x,y,z and dad said this yadda yadda, only to then be disappointed when Lo and behold the promises turn out to be empty.

anyway, ExH who is 38 has apparently decided this is the day to intro DD to his NINETEEN YEAR OLD girlfriend.

DD has come back with buckets of adoration for the new gf, presumably because the gf has pulled out all the stops, bought DD an expensive locket, baked her a birthday cake, spent all day buying her pretty much everything she has laid her eyes on. DD is all like oh, I think this girlfriend is different (there have been 7 or 8 iterations over the years but never one as young) - I think perhaps the new gf has laid it on so thick, probably having had very limited experience of relationships and in the nicest possible way, adult relationships, involving “grown up” issues like step children etc.

it was only at Christmas ex H was playing happy families with the last girlfriend.

I have always made a point of staying well out of his love life, never brought up the new partners as an issue, even when there’s been really annoying stuff happen. However I am concerned that the absolute inexperience of this GF is going to negatively impact my kid- apparently she was asking DD if she would approve of her living with ex H ‘one day’…. Would she mind if new GF got a picture of the three of them to put in her car etc

perhaps I’m being unreasonable- in all honesty I am a bit shocked at the age (and perhaps showing my own age -40- by thinking oh my god what must her parents think 😂my DD is his eldest but by no means his only child)

what do you think???

being unreasonable- she’s an adult, stay out of it.

not being unreasonable - she’s practically a child (and in this case what do you actually do about it???? I’m loathe to stop DD from seeing her dad- she’s not far off being old enough to make her own decision about going and I don’t really want to open that can of worms after keeping the peace for so long)

I’m pointing out that it’s irrelevant to the situation at hand. 16 is the age of consent, doesn’t mean it wouldn’t be fucking creepy for a middle aged man to be sleeping with one.

So if somebody makes a decision you disapprove of or find unpalatable, they’re mentally ill?

Sometimes (and yes a 19yo with a 38yo is weird and a bit creepy) I feel the age gap threads bring out so much outrage and hyperbole because somewhere deep down they’re worried their DP/DH would do the same given the choice. They feel threatened by younger women and dress it up as ‘concern’ for them.

Yes, it’s weird. No, it’s nothing to do with me, like many many things. But some of the posters on here are extremely triggered and should probably think about why.

Actually I said pants. As in trousers. I am American. If you are going to get offended at least get it right,

It’s not always disgusting when there is an age gap like that. I speak from experience .

It is when one person is a teenager and the other is in their 30s, always.

That is your opinion, it is not a fact.

My ex partner is 21 years older than me. We got together when I was 19/20 and we had a child . Until I met my now husband , it was the healthiest relationship I have ever been in .

Do you look at teenagers and find them attractive and want to shag them, assuming that you're in your 30s now?

Just wait until your kid is the age you were, and have a think about someone 20 odd that's older pawing at them.

He was a creep, and I'm sorry you were groomed.

I also didn't see what had happened to me until I was well out of it.

No I don’t .

But there is a difference between a teen as in a 14/15 year old and a “teen”’that is almost 20.

I was not groomed at all. You cannot make that judgement . I also am very much out of it - it was 20 years ago and he has continued to be one of the most lovely, respectful , decent men I know .

One who preys on teenage girls.

Lovely.

At least one other poster used the phrase 'knickers in a twist', I was quoting them.

And I didn't just 'get offended' I was offended, and I am not the only one. But then we all know that women are oversensitive creatures that get themselves irrationally angry over trivia, like child exploitation and the idea that jokes about it are inherently unfunny.

It's a shame the Op's post as been partly derailed by this; but she did it to herself really through that wholly unnecessary thread title.

I think the OP's ex is a sleazy individual and a rubbish father. What he is not though (based on this thread) is a criminal.

He does not “prey on teenage girls” . I was not a child. It is not illegal , I was not groomed nor taken advantage of. At what specific age does it become ok and not abuse ?

what ridiculous comments to make - you don’t know the situation.

Does this mean my child’s father is a pervert ? Despite 20 years of bringing him up and being a better man that most I know? You don’t grow out of being a pervert or the type of person that preys on teenage girls - so did I put my child at risk ?

what a ridiculous assumption to make .

I wouldn’t even try. Many posters on here tolerate only an extremely narrow range of behaviours and lifestyle choices in other people, and anything outside the perfect norm is seen as unacceptable. I generally think of them as having very little life experience (or much less than they claim to).

I agree , I think I’m just opening myself up to feeling enraged over the opinions of someone quite narrow minded

"It's not illegal" - the mantra of the pervert (and often their victims).

Yes, it doesn't mean he's a pervert, and although you may not have put your child at risk, because incest is a separate thing, you may well have put your kids friends at risk. A house full of teenage girls at a party or sleepover, when he has a track record of grooming and snagging teens...

He has the same age gap with you as you do with your child, that would be like you shagging your child's friend. But you probably look at them as though they are kids still.

Its disgusting, he's disgusting, and I'm sorry you can't see that.

Yet everyone is getting their knickers in a twist over the OPs thread title.

That was what I said upthread. I'm a woman, was not meant in a sexist manner. If that's how you take it, then that's your problem. It's literally just a turn of phrase.
I'm more offended the OP is literally getting shit off her ex, he's got an awful habit of going after younger (and often more vulnerable women) and he's a shit dad. But yes, let's get really offended over words. FML.

Totally hysterical

I’m not victim blaming. OP isn’t the victim here, here DD is. OP doesn’t believe his behaviour is controlling or abusive in any way. So she doesn’t see anything wrong in subjecting her DD to it. A couple of posts upthread OP is even asking what she’s supposed to do about it FFS !! Step up, challenge him and advocate for the child.

She's asking what she should do because everyone is telling her to put an end to it when she knows she can't do fuck all .... especially when her DD is with him!

Not hysterical, realistic.

I honestly don’t believe it’s worth arguing with you .

What an extreme , ridiculous viewpoint .

That middle age men who like teenagers are perverts?

I think that's pretty valid.

“ A track record of grooming and snagging teenage girls “ - what in the world ??!!

One extremely healthy relationship with a woman 20 years younger than him - we were both 2 consenting adults.

A very big difference .

There’s plenty she can do. As DD’s mother she has a right to know who is around her child, and if her ex is behaving inappropriately while he has DD in his care it can be challenged in court. From what she’s said there is a court ordered shared custody agreement in place, which her ex is ignoring or manipulating in his own favour. She can start with that, and the fact that he has introduced DD to numerous partners at a very vulnerable and impressionable age.

Not the story i was expecting from the headline! You should write for The Sun