ExH child bride

[SorryNotSorryL]

My DD turned 12 a few weeks ago and exH (seperated since she was a babe) took her out for a day trip to celebrate.
he probably sees her on average about once a month, his own choice - and it actually turns my stomach a bit to see how excited/nervous DD gets, built up to his promises of oh dads gunna take me to do x,y,z and dad said this yadda yadda, only to then be disappointed when Lo and behold the promises turn out to be empty.

anyway, ExH who is 38 has apparently decided this is the day to intro DD to his NINETEEN YEAR OLD girlfriend.

DD has come back with buckets of adoration for the new gf, presumably because the gf has pulled out all the stops, bought DD an expensive locket, baked her a birthday cake, spent all day buying her pretty much everything she has laid her eyes on. DD is all like oh, I think this girlfriend is different (there have been 7 or 8 iterations over the years but never one as young) - I think perhaps the new gf has laid it on so thick, probably having had very limited experience of relationships and in the nicest possible way, adult relationships, involving “grown up” issues like step children etc.

it was only at Christmas ex H was playing happy families with the last girlfriend.

I have always made a point of staying well out of his love life, never brought up the new partners as an issue, even when there’s been really annoying stuff happen. However I am concerned that the absolute inexperience of this GF is going to negatively impact my kid- apparently she was asking DD if she would approve of her living with ex H ‘one day’…. Would she mind if new GF got a picture of the three of them to put in her car etc

perhaps I’m being unreasonable- in all honesty I am a bit shocked at the age (and perhaps showing my own age -40- by thinking oh my god what must her parents think 😂my DD is his eldest but by no means his only child)

what do you think???

being unreasonable- she’s an adult, stay out of it.

not being unreasonable - she’s practically a child (and in this case what do you actually do about it???? I’m loathe to stop DD from seeing her dad- she’s not far off being old enough to make her own decision about going and I don’t really want to open that can of worms after keeping the peace for so long)

What an insulting title

This said it better

I could be really sarcastic and say it’s so nice of your ex to get a friend for DD to play with, but I’ll take the high road and just say that the new GF obviously remembers clearly what it is like to be 12 and that’s why she is treating DD so well.

I had this with my ex, two months later he has split up with her. This is not set to last so smile through it!

The age gap is weird and assuming from the Op's use of word soccer instead of football in later post that they may be based in US, the new GF wouldn't be able to go to bar with ExH makes it even weirder.

Your title is totally inappropriate.

I have a dd around that age. I would not be at all happy about her dating a 40yo with a child. But she's an adult...I could certainly express my concerns in that situation, but there isn't actually anything that I could do to put a stop to it.

Ultimately, I think you just have to focus on your dd and help to manage her expectations. Help her to understand that this thing may or may not last. Discourage her from getting too attached.

Depending on whether or not he is likely to listen, I would also be having a word with exH to highlight the fact that your dd is very young and perhaps ought not to be exposed to a string of girlfriends.

And I do agree that the title of this thread is inappropriate, given that there are many young girls who are still being forced into marriage when they are actually children. Maybe ask MN to change it.

Shouldn't laugh but I did. 😆

Were you married to someone LITERALLY double your age?

What does this have to do with @unpleasantindividual stating that 19 is an adult, not a child?

Love this 🤣

When I was 19 I was dating a guy who was 14 years older than me who had a seven year old son. We were together four years till I outgrew him (because I grew up and he was just immature although a very nice guy).

Years later his son told me that I was the best thing he had had in his life at that time, and he really valued the care I'd shown towards him.

I guess what I'm saying is that first, this could be something positive for your DD and second, the gf is very likely to grow out of your ex when she realises that he's with her because he's basically immature.

Either way, I wouldn't worry too much. She sounds a nice young woman and obviously wants to do right by your DD.

Maybe DD sees her as an extra big sister?

Which could be fun, and is not necessarily going to cause emotional crises (as a string of girlfriends who are plausible age to be candidate stepmothers might do)

My DF when he was about 36/37 met my stepmum who was 18 and her parents are Cypriot. They were married for 15 or more years and had had 3 children and married with her parents consent when she suddenly decided she’d got married too young and wanted a divorce. Not great for DF as his DM had died 2-3 years earlier and his DF was ill with Parkinson’s disease. Stepmum didn’t meet us until I was 13 (various reasons) and I was 16 years younger than her.

Look at it this way - she's so much younger than him it's unlikely to last and she will go the same way as all his previous girlfriends! So not worth getting riled up about. On the plus side, it sounds like she really made an effort to get along with your daughter so that's nice of her 😊

But she might not have been when OP started typing the sentence tbf…

👍
Yes, young.
Inappropriate? Well....
They are both adults.
My husband of 20 years is three decades older.
I was hardly a child bride. 🤨

Excellent turn of phrase

not a lot you can do,
just be there for your dd

my DD is his eldest but by no means his only child

What ages are his other kids, and with how many mothers?

I agree with pps saying you need to revisit custody, maintenance, travel, with professional support. And claim backdated payments! He's using your child support to be a Disney Dad.

Would she mind if new GF got a picture of the three of them to put in her car etc

What?! People display pictures in their car?! Where?! This is the weirdest thing about the whole post.

And that age gap between you and the newborn you held in your arms is exactly the same age gap as this middleaged man has with the new girlfriend.

"Them", not "him"