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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Have I lost my sense of humour or is this odd?

188 replies

AmIclutchingpearls · 09/04/2024 22:19

Genuinely interested to hear people's thoughts on this as I am at a loss.

Partner came home from work today and mentioned he had seen me having a nap on the sofa while our little one had a nap. We have a ring camera in the living room (that we don't use but is still on our app) and I asked had he seen through that - he said yes and so had all his colleagues. I was mortified and although I didn't say much, it would have been obvious I wasn't happy. He then said he hadn't shown anyone else but that he would have if the living room had not been such a mess.

I let it go but moved the camera. Later on he asked if I was ok and I said to be honest I felt a bit violated, to which his response was that my sense of humour has gone downhill recently.

He then brought up another occasion recently where my sense of humour was apparently lacking. We had gone for a family day out at the coast where our usual habit is to get something from the chip shop together. While I was waiting in line with our older child for a ride, he went and got chips on his own. Our child pointed this out to me and asked did that mean we wouldn't be going together as usual and was a bit disappointed but didn't make a fuss about it. I mentioned to him that I thought this was an odd thing to do, to eat alone on a family day out rather than eat as a family, but me and older child then went and got ours and we all sat down together while we are them. I thought we had then enjoyed the rest of the day and called for a drink on the way home (my suggestion) but he said tonight that I was in a huff the rest of the day.

I should mention my ex fiance had an affair with a work colleague, so I probably am overly sensitive to the thought of him laughing at me with colleagues and he does work mainly with women, but I would have felt uneasy about it even if his colleagues were male. I did at one point say he could tell the women at work his partner has had a sense of humour failure, which was the point he put his plate down and stopped eating or talking.

He has gone to bed early while I was in the shower and I am questioning how this blew up so badly so if anyone could share their thoughts on this I would really appreciate any input!

OP posts:
Circumferences · 09/04/2024 22:22

He actually got a live stream video of you and showed it to people at work?
Isn't that illegal or something??

Biggybigbiggles · 09/04/2024 22:28

How did his colleagues see? I'd feel really violated!

CuriousGeorge80 · 09/04/2024 22:28

Watching people on home cameras when they don’t know is creepy and wrong. Showing others is really bad. “Joking” about showing others when you haven’t really is weird and not funny. YANBU.

OneAtATime · 09/04/2024 22:29

Sounds like he’s a bit weird and gaslighty to me. I wouldn’t like to think DH had shared a stream of me sleeping with colleagues. And it’s definitely not funny.
also a bit selfish of him to eat alone on family day out.

StickyStones · 09/04/2024 22:32

That's horrible OP, and slightly creepy. I'd flip my lid.

CountFucula · 09/04/2024 22:32

Getting chips alone - rude and weird
Watching you at home - weird
commenting about the mess - rude
making this your fault - gaslighting

why is he being so odd?

gelsag · 09/04/2024 22:33

yanbu

WildBear · 09/04/2024 22:33

God, how often is he on his little spy cam? Creepy.

WinterDeWinter · 09/04/2024 22:34

Fucking hell what an absolute shit.

Don't accept this. None of it is normal.

Tetchypants · 09/04/2024 22:34

I’d not be happy with cameras inside my house. Throw the bloody thing away! I have a friend with a dog cam that is permanently on and I’ve stopped going round as much, it’s just so intrusive and weird.

TreesAndSandAndWaves · 09/04/2024 22:34

His behaviour is very off. It’s not you.

(and get rid of the camera - that’s creepy enough just on its own!)

Metrictum · 09/04/2024 22:34

I would be furious and very hurt if my DH had showed work colleagues me covertly via a camera and still upset if he even joked about possibly doing so. That’s a huge invasion of privacy. Tbh why was he even watching it at all when you were home with your child?

The chips thing is just odd and rude and nasty. Why get food for yourself when out with your family without asking them and especially if the usual routine is to do it all together.

He sounds horrible and like he is trying to gaslight you.

existentialannie · 09/04/2024 22:35

I’d be hanging his dirty skids over the sofa from now on

RonObvious · 09/04/2024 22:35

If I did something that I thought someone would find funny, and it upset them instead, I would be mortified and apologetic, rather than blame them for their “lack of humour”. And the chips thing is just weird.

theduchessofspork · 09/04/2024 22:36

Watching you on a camera, never mind showing his colleagues is incredibly fucking weird and invasive - it’s not acceptable at all. Why would he do that? Disable the fucking thing and bollock him from a height. You need to develop your boundaries.

Eating chips on your own on a family day out is weird, but nowhere near in the same league.

AutumnFroglets · 09/04/2024 22:36

If you don't use the camera why did he access the app to watch you?

No, you didn't have a sense of humour failure as nothing about it is funny. It is creepy on so many levels. Take the batteries out of the camera and hide it away from him.

Comingupriver · 09/04/2024 22:37

What a horror he is. Why live like that? His concern shoudl have been to see why you’re so tired and ask how he can support you. Not belittle you. At least everyone else will know he’s a horror.

Canyousewcushions · 09/04/2024 22:37

The camera thing- weird and creepy.

The chips- your post indicates there is a younger child. If the younger child was bored and hungry while you were waiting in the queue, then going to get chips is perfectly sensible. If it was him on his own then yes, a bit odd, but not in the same league as the camera thing.

givebeesachance · 09/04/2024 22:38

Absolutely none of this is normal or ok.

canyouletthedogoutplease · 09/04/2024 22:39

The chips thing is weird, but what's weirder is that he can specifically remember it which makes me think he though it through and did it on purpose and then watched your reaction, rather than unthinkingly, which in itself would be bad enough.

The camera would be either pointed at the toilet next time he sits down for a shit, or in the wheely bin, depending on how my "sense of humour" was on the day.

I'd be livid, you're not overly sensitive, I'd be furious, and anyone that did this to me would be no friend of mine. It's juvenile and intrusive and I'd think very little of anyone who did it.

Catsmere · 09/04/2024 22:39

He sounds like a voyeuristic creep. Nothing remotely funny about any of this.

Maninthemoonsmiles · 09/04/2024 22:39

He sounds like a very weird abuser humiliating you to colleagues and not at all loving to his family. OP take some action and stand up for some decency. You should not let him treat you like this.

senua · 09/04/2024 22:43

We have a ring camera in the living room
Why? I thought these things were for strangers on the doorstep, not for the inhabitants of the house.
Was it his idea by any chance?Hmm

Stainglasses · 09/04/2024 22:43

He sounds horrible. Get rid of the camera right away. And don’t doubt your reactions. If you find something unpleasant then believe yourself.

RandomButtons · 09/04/2024 22:44

Can I guess that the cameras were his idea?

chips - selfish.
camera - creepy
showing camera to work colleagues- flipping voyeuristic creepy wierdo

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