Have I lost my sense of humour or is this odd?

[AmIclutchingpearls]

Genuinely interested to hear people's thoughts on this as I am at a loss.

Partner came home from work today and mentioned he had seen me having a nap on the sofa while our little one had a nap. We have a ring camera in the living room (that we don't use but is still on our app) and I asked had he seen through that - he said yes and so had all his colleagues. I was mortified and although I didn't say much, it would have been obvious I wasn't happy. He then said he hadn't shown anyone else but that he would have if the living room had not been such a mess.

I let it go but moved the camera. Later on he asked if I was ok and I said to be honest I felt a bit violated, to which his response was that my sense of humour has gone downhill recently.

He then brought up another occasion recently where my sense of humour was apparently lacking. We had gone for a family day out at the coast where our usual habit is to get something from the chip shop together. While I was waiting in line with our older child for a ride, he went and got chips on his own. Our child pointed this out to me and asked did that mean we wouldn't be going together as usual and was a bit disappointed but didn't make a fuss about it. I mentioned to him that I thought this was an odd thing to do, to eat alone on a family day out rather than eat as a family, but me and older child then went and got ours and we all sat down together while we are them. I thought we had then enjoyed the rest of the day and called for a drink on the way home (my suggestion) but he said tonight that I was in a huff the rest of the day.

I should mention my ex fiance had an affair with a work colleague, so I probably am overly sensitive to the thought of him laughing at me with colleagues and he does work mainly with women, but I would have felt uneasy about it even if his colleagues were male. I did at one point say he could tell the women at work his partner has had a sense of humour failure, which was the point he put his plate down and stopped eating or talking.

He has gone to bed early while I was in the shower and I am questioning how this blew up so badly so if anyone could share their thoughts on this I would really appreciate any input!

He sounds like a jerk, tbh. That on top of the affair (and he still works in the same place where the affair started?)... It doesn't sound great.

ETA: Sorry, ignore me. I missed that it was an ex who cheated... I still think he's being weird. Few would find that amusing.

Not nice behaviour at all

What a nasty piece of shit.

Your sense of humour is fine. His personality is a toxic embarrassment. I bet his colleagues were cringing at his awful behaviour and felt very very sorry for you.

Absolutely!!

Why do you need to be filmed whilst you are at home with your own child?

That's not a Nanny cam, that's a violation of your privacy. He's a controlling arse hole isn't he? Bin the camera.

The bit that bothers me the most about what you posted is when he painted a completely different picture of your day out. You forgot the chips incident and moved on from it, and suggested you all went for a drink on the way home. Sounds like everyone was happy from that. He's now rewritten this by telling you that you were in a huff for the rest of the day.

That's a major red flag for me. You're now not only supposed to feel guilty for how you acted, but it also gives him the green light to be in a huff and ignore you. So now he's allowed to be off with you, and you've got some making up to do. When it's actual him who's been a knob. Crafty little gaslighter isn't he?

am I missing the joke?

neither of these are funny or ok.

the ring camera is a violation. Turn it off.

That camera would be getting ripped out.

That is not on at all and he was having a sneaky dig at you for having a nap and another about the living room. Nothing to find funny about any of it. He was acting like a knob voyeur and it is creepy and I would not find it funny either. Let him sulk and he should apologize and it seems like he takes pleasure in trying to annoy you, is he a man-child.

Not sure I’ve read correctly, but he had an affair?
He still works there.
Sounds like he’s making up pranks in his head, carrying them out to recount in the office-like you are a figure of fun.
He’s rewriting history. Now the silent treatment because you’ve called him out on it…..

How is life other than these incidents? Is there any chance he’s having affair number 2 or leading up to something? He sounds like he’s checking out to me. There’s nothing remotely funny about the things he’s doing.

Cameras are just bloody awful, the need to view people inside their own home is awful and intrusive.

Seriously weird!

Neither of those things are funny.

I'd be annoyed if my dh showed a live feed of me sleeping to colleagues

I'd be annoyed if he sorted his own lunch and not ours

Why would either of those things be funny?

Tell him he needs to work on his sense of humour because it's gone seriously downhill lately.

Don’t doubt yourself here OP. There is nothing funny about this at all and these are not loving ways to behave towards a partner. I would feel just the same as you. I’m sorry this happened and I hope he gets a better attitude very soon 🙁

That's horrific and in no way amusing!

He's being hugely disrespectful towards you.

And it sounds as if he's deliberately setting up situations for an argument with the intention it's started by you.

I wonder what outcome he's aiming for.

Ltb

He is a huge gaslighter. You say he is good with your DC but for how long until his sense of humour upsets them? He walked off on a family day out and upset your child already.

Seriously, sort things out and get rid. He's clearly a narcissist and controlling with it. Not only do you work but apparently the housework is your job too, and the childcare, or he will show his colleagues how supposedly lazy you are?
Yet he can't organise driving lessons over three months? He's a tosser. You deserve better op.

How long have you been together op?

not very nice at all.
get rid of the camera
but perhaps think about whether to get rid of him

Jesus. He's done a number on you, OP, hasn't he? It's shocking that you would think that YOU are somehow at fault (no sense of humour) for his abuse. There is NOTHING funny about what he did, and his side swipe about the room being messy is horrible

Please get rid of this potentially dangerous man

Camera thing not so bad if he just happened to look at it , but showing others is not nice. The chips issue is just plain rude!

Basically he has done something, show the live streaming, which he thinks is funny. You don't and think it is an invasion of privacy. Rather than admit you are right, it is easier to switch it and say that you have lost your sense of humour and then sulk so you question yourself. Don't, you are right, he is a knob.

I’m not sure what any of this has to do with sense of humour either??

Not illegal, but definitely creepy. Although the OP did know that the camera was there, so whilst creepy nevertheless unsurprising that it is used.

You haven’t lost your sense of humour, you’ve just acquired a partner who can’t hold space for how you might feel, for instance hungry or vulnerable and embarrassed.

He's gaslighting you