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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Have I lost my sense of humour or is this odd?

188 replies

AmIclutchingpearls · 09/04/2024 22:19

Genuinely interested to hear people's thoughts on this as I am at a loss.

Partner came home from work today and mentioned he had seen me having a nap on the sofa while our little one had a nap. We have a ring camera in the living room (that we don't use but is still on our app) and I asked had he seen through that - he said yes and so had all his colleagues. I was mortified and although I didn't say much, it would have been obvious I wasn't happy. He then said he hadn't shown anyone else but that he would have if the living room had not been such a mess.

I let it go but moved the camera. Later on he asked if I was ok and I said to be honest I felt a bit violated, to which his response was that my sense of humour has gone downhill recently.

He then brought up another occasion recently where my sense of humour was apparently lacking. We had gone for a family day out at the coast where our usual habit is to get something from the chip shop together. While I was waiting in line with our older child for a ride, he went and got chips on his own. Our child pointed this out to me and asked did that mean we wouldn't be going together as usual and was a bit disappointed but didn't make a fuss about it. I mentioned to him that I thought this was an odd thing to do, to eat alone on a family day out rather than eat as a family, but me and older child then went and got ours and we all sat down together while we are them. I thought we had then enjoyed the rest of the day and called for a drink on the way home (my suggestion) but he said tonight that I was in a huff the rest of the day.

I should mention my ex fiance had an affair with a work colleague, so I probably am overly sensitive to the thought of him laughing at me with colleagues and he does work mainly with women, but I would have felt uneasy about it even if his colleagues were male. I did at one point say he could tell the women at work his partner has had a sense of humour failure, which was the point he put his plate down and stopped eating or talking.

He has gone to bed early while I was in the shower and I am questioning how this blew up so badly so if anyone could share their thoughts on this I would really appreciate any input!

OP posts:
Noseybookworm · 10/04/2024 09:11

I must have a sense of humour failure too then because I can't see anything funny about either of the situations you've described 🙄 why is he spying on you at home? Why doesn't he think it's inappropriate to show his colleagues? Why doesn't he think it's selfish to go off and get his own food without getting some for the whole family on a day out? You are not in the wrong here. He's behaving like a twat!

PuggyPuggyPuggy · 10/04/2024 09:21

I would get him to explain in great detail how eating chips on his own was humorous.

I get why he thinks the camera thing is funny, because a lot of people enjoy humiliating others. It's not nice though.

Rightsraptor · 10/04/2024 09:25

Bullies say you're being 'over sensitive' or lacking in humour when you won't go along with their shit.

He's being nasty and is showing signs of separation from you. Watch this.

My ex took to walking on the opposite side of the street from me and our children. Similar to your chip queue thing.

ALovelyCupOfNameChange · 10/04/2024 09:29

“It’s just bantz bro”

or

being an arsehole

Breaktimebitches · 10/04/2024 09:55

If one of my colleagues showed me a live stream of their partner napping on the sofa I would think they are an absolute fucking idiot. Which sounds like your partner is.

willWillSmithsmith · 10/04/2024 10:24

There is nothing wrong with your sense of humour! Is he one of those idiots who say ‘It’s a joke!!’ when they’re being offensive and unfunny? I’d be bloody furious and yes feel violated too.

DaftFlerken · 10/04/2024 10:26

I can actually see the joke - look at this guys, the hard life of a housewife etc etc but I would feel violated

Lentilweaver · 10/04/2024 10:28

theduchessofspork · 09/04/2024 22:36

Watching you on a camera, never mind showing his colleagues is incredibly fucking weird and invasive - it’s not acceptable at all. Why would he do that? Disable the fucking thing and bollock him from a height. You need to develop your boundaries.

Eating chips on your own on a family day out is weird, but nowhere near in the same league.

This. I would be furious to be filmed and shared.

existentialpain · 10/04/2024 10:29

That is a total violation. Nothing about it is even the slightest bit funny.

It reminds me of the sort of thing school bullies would do.

Don't be gaslighted by him. My narcissistic ex would often bully me by saying I had no sense of humour. It's a way to continue their controlling behaviour.

Puzzledandpissedoff · 10/04/2024 10:32

The camera doesn't record at all as we haven't renewed the subscription and motion detection is turned off. All that can be done is live view ...

So what was the point in him saying he "would have showed it round if the room hadn't been a mess", beyond an opportunity to humiliate you?

willWillSmithsmith · 10/04/2024 10:35

DaftFlerken · 10/04/2024 10:26

I can actually see the joke - look at this guys, the hard life of a housewife etc etc but I would feel violated

When you have young children the only time you can sleep is when they do. He sounds like an arse.

OlderGlaswegianLivingInDevon · 10/04/2024 10:36

Spying on you at home whilst he is at work !!!
clearly pissed off that you were having a nap !!!
jealous / envious that you had a nap
not realising you needed a nap
allowing his work colleagues to see this spying

get rid of that camera !

and as for the chips scenario - well !

sadly I do not see a long and happy marriage here.

MelonSmoothie · 10/04/2024 10:46

He sounds awful. Don't doubt yourself - your sense of humour is not the issue.

ChimbarasiKotapaxi · 10/04/2024 10:52

I would call this a violation

MintTraybake · 10/04/2024 10:55

CountFucula · 09/04/2024 22:32

Getting chips alone - rude and weird
Watching you at home - weird
commenting about the mess - rude
making this your fault - gaslighting

why is he being so odd?

this is exactly how I'd feel about it..... Rude, obnoxious, gas lighty.

OP - hope you're feeling ok. Try and speak it through with him if possible and how it made you feel?

Sounds like a lack of consideration from him to you and maybe a bit of resentment about the nap thing.

Stressyfab · 10/04/2024 11:07

He’s creepy and a knob. It would be very hard to dress this up as funny.

RainingOnMyFace · 10/04/2024 11:13

We had a child camera in DCs bedroom and when I was away with work I loved to look and see my DC playing or sleeping. Sometimes DH was in there too playing with them or reading a story.

I NEVER shared the images or showed to anyone else. I took a screenshot one day of them reading together and put heart emojis and WhatsApped it to DH so he knew I was there for story time and he reacted positively, putting up a little drawing of a smiley face where I could see it. Again, I never showed anyone else.

If DH got chips without me and DC, we'd just all dig in and yes I would be miffed.

We however do have fall outs about other stuff, as all couples do, we aren't perfect. But you're definitely not being U.

DaftFlerken · 10/04/2024 11:13

willWillSmithsmith · 10/04/2024 10:35

When you have young children the only time you can sleep is when they do. He sounds like an arse.

lol, I am aware of that

I was merely saying that from his side I can see the joke

BobbyBiscuits · 10/04/2024 11:23

Tell him it's no joke to show images of you from the camera to colleagues without your consent. Even if it's not nudity etc it can be harassment or 'revenge porn' I think. In fact if you have sent him nudes I'd be concerned as to who else has them!
The chips just show he's a selfish prick. Why not queue up for the whole family's meal instead of one portion of chips!?
Yeah, he needs to be sorry. He's gaslighting you by pretending his ickle feelings are hurt cos you're such a bore who can't take a joke. It's not a fucking joke though is it?

Lifeomars · 10/04/2024 11:24

Ugh, I would now be seeing him in a whole different light. The least worst case scenario is that he is immature and the worst is that he has no respect for you as a human being whose privacy and dignity he should be protecting rather than violating. Either way I would be worried

Whatifthehokeycokey · 10/04/2024 11:44

You have not lost your sense of humour. Neither of the things you describe are funny.

Iknowitsyou · 10/04/2024 12:02

No I wouldn’t be happy and would make me feel vulnerable.
Once years ago when I wasn’t long married my husbands friends for whatever reason thought it was funny to share photos of their wives sleeping on their WhatsApp chat!! My DH told me and I was horrified, thankfully he isn’t like that. Totally changed my perception of these ‘men’, some of which I have known since I was 12-13.

zeibesaffron · 10/04/2024 12:18

CountFucula · 09/04/2024 22:32

Getting chips alone - rude and weird
Watching you at home - weird
commenting about the mess - rude
making this your fault - gaslighting

why is he being so odd?

This ⬆️

He showed a video of you sleeping without your consent to other people the mans a dick!!

Workhardcryharder · 10/04/2024 12:22

The camera thing wouldn’t bother me, I’d laugh and call my husband a dick.

However, it bothered you, reasonably so, and he gaslit you. That’s an issue.

and the chip thing makes him seem horrendously self serving

TerrysNeapolitan · 10/04/2024 12:28

Not cool of him at all OP