Have I lost my sense of humour or is this odd?

[AmIclutchingpearls]

Genuinely interested to hear people's thoughts on this as I am at a loss.

Partner came home from work today and mentioned he had seen me having a nap on the sofa while our little one had a nap. We have a ring camera in the living room (that we don't use but is still on our app) and I asked had he seen through that - he said yes and so had all his colleagues. I was mortified and although I didn't say much, it would have been obvious I wasn't happy. He then said he hadn't shown anyone else but that he would have if the living room had not been such a mess.

I let it go but moved the camera. Later on he asked if I was ok and I said to be honest I felt a bit violated, to which his response was that my sense of humour has gone downhill recently.

He then brought up another occasion recently where my sense of humour was apparently lacking. We had gone for a family day out at the coast where our usual habit is to get something from the chip shop together. While I was waiting in line with our older child for a ride, he went and got chips on his own. Our child pointed this out to me and asked did that mean we wouldn't be going together as usual and was a bit disappointed but didn't make a fuss about it. I mentioned to him that I thought this was an odd thing to do, to eat alone on a family day out rather than eat as a family, but me and older child then went and got ours and we all sat down together while we are them. I thought we had then enjoyed the rest of the day and called for a drink on the way home (my suggestion) but he said tonight that I was in a huff the rest of the day.

I should mention my ex fiance had an affair with a work colleague, so I probably am overly sensitive to the thought of him laughing at me with colleagues and he does work mainly with women, but I would have felt uneasy about it even if his colleagues were male. I did at one point say he could tell the women at work his partner has had a sense of humour failure, which was the point he put his plate down and stopped eating or talking.

He has gone to bed early while I was in the shower and I am questioning how this blew up so badly so if anyone could share their thoughts on this I would really appreciate any input!

That’s not the first time he’s checked in on you at home. Just the first time he’s told you.

Your partner sounds like someone who does what suits them. Based on how you described the situation I think there is a big chance he did show them the video and denied it when he saw your reaction to him doing it. Regardless he would happily abuse his partner and mother of his child’s privacy as a cheap laugh.
Has he learned how to drive yet? Is he contributing any sort of useful contribution to parenting?

The only funny thing is his way of thinking. Yanbu.

WTAF!
I would be very surprised if this was the first time he watched you at home.
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This is genuine LTB territory.

Thank you all for your replies, I was wondering whether I had perhaps overreacted.

The ring camera was actually bought by me and when we replaced it we used it occasionally in the living room when our youngest would nap on there so we could get on with housework etc and it has just never been moved, until tonight!

He still hasn't learned to drive, he did take 3 months shared parental leave and is really good with the children but he was supposed to have driving lessons during that time as my work is flexible but didn't get past the stage of making enquiries and joining waiting lists.

I mean, if you find emotional abuse funny then sure it’s hilarious. Otherwise it’s seriously worrying and if a colleague dared show me that I’d be giving him the biggest dressing down of his life.

Smash the ring door cam up. So creepy to have them in the living room. I just feel like controlling partners want to spy on their OHs and when they have kids use it as a way to say “The baby watched a lot of TV today”.

But regarding your DH - I’ll be honest, it sounds like he hates you. Horrid man

You might not have used the camera for a while but why did he decide to check/watch? What prompted him to look? I agree with pp, I don't think he ever stopped watching.

Unless you’re 12.

This. Kind of guy to have an affair is the kind of guy that checks what his partner is doing. Next time maybe he can see you packing his things.

What 12 year old thinks a woman asleep on a sofa is funny? Even 12 years olds have a better sense of humour than that.

I don’t see anything ‘funny- haha’ in his behaviour. What a douche

This.

Classy. Personally I wouldn’t be with anyone who couldn’t wipe his own arse properly.

We have cameras in the house but neither of us watch each other - that's just weird. They’re only ever on overnight anyway. Are your cameras for security or something?

Wandering off and getting food for himself is selfish, he could have waited.

He’s a weirdo and I’d seriously be considering if a I wanted to stay with him.

As a PP said, you should, on no uncertain terms, tell him that it is unacceptable to watch you through a camera, in the sanctuary of your own home, and then show his colleagues. Absolutely disgusting and downright weird behaviour.

Put the husband in the bin and keep the camera.

🤣🤣🤣

Great point. Touché. 👍

The camera thing is really creepy, OP. I would mention turning it off when you don't need it (which seems like most of the time) and gauge his reaction. If he reacts badly, that's another red flag. Meanwhile I'd definitely cover it while you're home alone. Honestly the chips thing is nothing compared to this (but telling you you were in a huff when you weren't could be part of a gaslighting pattern). Stay safe & keep up connections with friends and family outside the relationship - I think you need your wits about you.

He sounds really creepy and like he’s spying on you to check what you are doing (I would bet he does it regularly).
Showing his work colleagues to humiliate you is vile.
Criticising the mess is borderline controlling because clearly that was his massive hint that you should have been tidying and not napping.
His outbursts after all this is gaslighting.
Is he abusive in other ways?

He sounds like an absolute tool who is deliberately messing with your head.

This sums it up — except I’d say secretly filming inside the house is worse than weird.

And now you’re getting the silent treatment. Not good.

Seriously weird.
I would not be happy at all.
(and the 'messy living room' comment is just the icing on a rather disturbing cake).

Watching you on the camera is bad enough. Showing other people is horrifying. I wonder what his colleagues actually thought about this. If someone did it at my work I'd be giving them a very wide berth from then on.

The only person I know who would go off and get food for themselves on a day out with other people without including them is my dad. He's diabetic and if he needs to eat he needs to eat, so if he was apart from the rest of the group just get on with it because he'd prioritise not keeling over above being polite. And of course we all want him to prioritise his health too. Without a good reason it's just incredibly selfish. I don't understand it.

Outrageous.

I would be upset and furious that he had a) looked and worse b) shown the camera stuff to colleagues. Horrible violation.

Knowing he is in the wrong he has then sought to deflect blame on to you on the ‘senate of humour loss’ pretence. And has had to scrabble around d for other so-called examples.

Pathetic.

I would face him with this, and tell him to think carefully , very carefully, about respect.

Be alert OP.

Ugh he's horrible. Getting the chips on his own shows he is not a good father and not a good partner. Watching you on video when you are sleeping is disgraceful. If he showed that to colleagues then he deserves the sack and a divorce.

So you put the camera there not him.
He didn't show colleagues he just joked he did.
He passed comment about showing them if the room wasn't a mess.

The only one I'd be pissed off about is the last one. The first one was you, the second one was a bad attempt at humour. The 3rd one he could get to fuck.