Have I lost my sense of humour or is this odd?

[AmIclutchingpearls]

Genuinely interested to hear people's thoughts on this as I am at a loss.

Partner came home from work today and mentioned he had seen me having a nap on the sofa while our little one had a nap. We have a ring camera in the living room (that we don't use but is still on our app) and I asked had he seen through that - he said yes and so had all his colleagues. I was mortified and although I didn't say much, it would have been obvious I wasn't happy. He then said he hadn't shown anyone else but that he would have if the living room had not been such a mess.

I let it go but moved the camera. Later on he asked if I was ok and I said to be honest I felt a bit violated, to which his response was that my sense of humour has gone downhill recently.

He then brought up another occasion recently where my sense of humour was apparently lacking. We had gone for a family day out at the coast where our usual habit is to get something from the chip shop together. While I was waiting in line with our older child for a ride, he went and got chips on his own. Our child pointed this out to me and asked did that mean we wouldn't be going together as usual and was a bit disappointed but didn't make a fuss about it. I mentioned to him that I thought this was an odd thing to do, to eat alone on a family day out rather than eat as a family, but me and older child then went and got ours and we all sat down together while we are them. I thought we had then enjoyed the rest of the day and called for a drink on the way home (my suggestion) but he said tonight that I was in a huff the rest of the day.

I should mention my ex fiance had an affair with a work colleague, so I probably am overly sensitive to the thought of him laughing at me with colleagues and he does work mainly with women, but I would have felt uneasy about it even if his colleagues were male. I did at one point say he could tell the women at work his partner has had a sense of humour failure, which was the point he put his plate down and stopped eating or talking.

He has gone to bed early while I was in the shower and I am questioning how this blew up so badly so if anyone could share their thoughts on this I would really appreciate any input!

You have not lost your sense of humour, he's a gaslighting creep and I am angry just reading this.

I actually think you reacted very very calmly. I would have literally blown up! So well done you for being so restrained.
He was bang out of order, no other way to put it. Complete invasion of privacy, and yes, he violated you by showing colleagues.

Scrap camera, scrap creep. Problem solved.

You're not the issue, he is. Why is he watching you during the day? And when you pointed out the problem with that, he decides to rewrite your family day out and that you were the problem again? He's awful. Get rid.

Can you access the app see how often that camera has been used?

It seems he was trying to make a fool of you. Cruel and not what you should expect from a partner.

Do you have guests over and do they know about the camera? Because I’d be livid if I went to someone’s house that recorded the room I was in.

He’s punishing you for not laughing along at his nastiness in showing you sleeping to colleagues by bringing up chips incident, which also showed he was a selfish twat.

He sounds awful, you are not being overly sensitive.

I think you should coldly and calmly tell him every time his behaviour is unacceptable and don’t be manipulated into letting things go because he gives you the silent treatment or goes to bed early to sulk.

That’s irrelevant and not the point of the thread.Start your own thread about guests’ rights if you’re so hot on the subject.

I'd feel violated. It sounds like he's been watching you on the camera fairly regularly, why? I'd just be switching the thing off, even in a different room he can turn on the audio and hear what's going on

That's not ok and extremely invasive. What if you'd been breastfeeding for example and had everything out we women often do at home? Or you'd been nappy changing your little one in full view? A home should be a private space. I'd put a muslin over it whilst he is not at home and see if he comments you'll know if he's still doing it then. Or even better a sign in front of it saying "stop watching us you prick"

I agree with this, I mean, it’s all shitty behaviour (showing you and your house on a livestream to colleagues is seriously out of order), but this sets off the strongest gaslighting/manipulation alarm bells.

So has the camera just been left turned on indefinitely?

No, not irrelevant. I thought @Georgesbar24 made a very good point there. I would hate to think that I was being watched by cameras at someone else's house too.

Again thank you all for taking the time to reply, it really has made me feel so much better and I have told him this morning in no uncertain terms that my sense of humour is not the issue here. He has apologised and said he realises now it was not funny and can see it was wrong. He insists he didn't show anyone else but I told him that even if that is true, saying that he had and the comment about mess were nasty.

For those asking, the camera doesn't record at all as we haven't renewed the subscription and motion detection is turned off. All that can be done is live view if you go into the app and choose that so visitors are not being recorded and I didn't think anyone would be viewed at all (except occasionally our napping child) but camera has now been removed anyway. Unfortunately I can't see how many times the live feature has been used as nothing is recorded or retained.

He sounds like a twat!

You don’t have a sense of humour problem, you have a serious DP problem.

Jesus, get rid of the camera.
Actually, get rid of him, because he’ll get another camera and hide it, so you’ll never know when he’s spying on you.

There's lots of blame shifting going on here by him, watch out for that pattern in the future OP

I haven't read all comments but needed to say- my ExH was really psychologically and emotionally abusive and he used to always use 'oh you're not finding something funny when everyone else in the world would find it so funny, get a sense of humour' as an attack when he did something weird or overstepping the mark. It wasn't until I told a friend about it that I could start seeing it for what it was- controlling and minimising behaviour.

TBH, I believe that he didn't show anyone. If a bloke I worked with said "hey, look at this" and showed me a stream of his wife asleep on the sofa I'd think he was a twat.

But he is still a twat for saying anything to you.on the first place

What a complete twat on several levels.

Disable that camera, that’s weird that he watched you. No you haven’t lost your sense of humour, I’d be questioning my relationship if DP did this. If I was one of his colleagues I’d tell him he’s weird, I wouldn’t bloody laugh!

I'd be using that camera to show him what the inside of his arse looks like

My sister's ex had a camera in their living room and often checked to see what she was doing

See the important word there - 'ex'

You are not there for his entertainment. He was spying on you and that's bad! Oh yeah...if the living room is a mess maybe he shoild find out how switch the hoover on. Does he need a map to direct him to the litter bin...airing cupboard. Buy him a mop and bucket but make sure they have instructions for use. Good luck.

No, bin the bloke.