Have I lost my sense of humour or is this odd?

[AmIclutchingpearls]

Genuinely interested to hear people's thoughts on this as I am at a loss.

Partner came home from work today and mentioned he had seen me having a nap on the sofa while our little one had a nap. We have a ring camera in the living room (that we don't use but is still on our app) and I asked had he seen through that - he said yes and so had all his colleagues. I was mortified and although I didn't say much, it would have been obvious I wasn't happy. He then said he hadn't shown anyone else but that he would have if the living room had not been such a mess.

I let it go but moved the camera. Later on he asked if I was ok and I said to be honest I felt a bit violated, to which his response was that my sense of humour has gone downhill recently.

He then brought up another occasion recently where my sense of humour was apparently lacking. We had gone for a family day out at the coast where our usual habit is to get something from the chip shop together. While I was waiting in line with our older child for a ride, he went and got chips on his own. Our child pointed this out to me and asked did that mean we wouldn't be going together as usual and was a bit disappointed but didn't make a fuss about it. I mentioned to him that I thought this was an odd thing to do, to eat alone on a family day out rather than eat as a family, but me and older child then went and got ours and we all sat down together while we are them. I thought we had then enjoyed the rest of the day and called for a drink on the way home (my suggestion) but he said tonight that I was in a huff the rest of the day.

I should mention my ex fiance had an affair with a work colleague, so I probably am overly sensitive to the thought of him laughing at me with colleagues and he does work mainly with women, but I would have felt uneasy about it even if his colleagues were male. I did at one point say he could tell the women at work his partner has had a sense of humour failure, which was the point he put his plate down and stopped eating or talking.

He has gone to bed early while I was in the shower and I am questioning how this blew up so badly so if anyone could share their thoughts on this I would really appreciate any input!

I think getting the chips is just a basic selfish thing to do and on it's own it seems trivial but mentioning alongside the camera story, it really gives me the ick!
He's showing that he thinks of you as his property to do with as he wishes. I'm not one of these 'end it now' kind of people but I would worry that his feelings are leaving him and he will do more and more things like this.

Out of interest, what was his reason for even looking at the camera in the first place when he knew you were home and nothing had alerted him to do so?

He has totally violated your privacy. How dare he let his colleagues see you in your home via a spy camera having a nap. Yes I say spy camera as that's what it's been used as.

Yes I agree. It's so obviously really selfish, that his stupid sense of humour comment is so obviously gaslighting

🤮

We have cameras in the house so we can keep an eye on the dog whilst we're out, usually turn them off when we are in but sometimes forget. I would be horrified if I found out my partner had done this.

Before ditching the camera altogether, I would be tempted to keep it on, but obscured by a little Fuck Off sign.

It's not your sense of humour that's gone wrong, he's just become very selfish all of a sudden. What's changed in his life?

I am a pretty laid back person in general and can laugh most things off but I'd quite honestly go postal if my DH was showing videos of me napping to co-workers or threatening to. Total violation of privacy and dignity.
I know he didn't, but the 'I would have if the living room wasn't a mess' would only have wound me up more!

Please try and take no notice because he sounds like he’s gaslighting you and the more you hear things like this the more you’ll start believing it. You’re already questioning it and playing into his hands. He’s also seen his arse because you challenged him, that is a narcissist there. Please be careful and watch your back. Your DH sounds like a creep who’s manipulative.

It's your home , you should be able to nap stark naked if you had the notion and feel safe in the knowledge that there's no I spy with my little eye.

Showing a live stream of you sleeping to work colleagues is definitly creepy and he knows it, but is trying to make it out to be you that's got the problem. The chips thing is just selfish and rude and saying you were in a huff for the rest of the day is him trying to shift his own discomfort on to you again.

I think that tellling someone they've lost their sense of humour is usually a defence mechanism for if you get upset about something and the person who did the 'funny' thing knows it actually wasn't a funny thing, it was just a dick move. I am not sure that this is gaslighting, but the term gaslighting has just come to mean lying, these days.

V odd to be watching you..I def wouldn't want q camera always on in the house..did he put it there? And why?
Beach trip sounds selfish. And don't take the blame as it is most def not your fault at all....any of it.
I put up with odd behaviour for a good few years and always accepted it was prob my fault.. I became a shadow of who I had been.

This is start to finish bad! First the bit watching you on camera. Then the dig about the messy lounge. Getting his own chips but not yours and your DC. Claiming that you were huffing when you weren’t. Then not speaking or eating when you say how you feel … how is all this okay for you? You haven’t lost your sense of humour, none of that is in the slightest bit funny!

Why the hell is he watching you?

The chips thing is just plain rude.

Imagine if he’d been watching you with colleagues and you’d , in the “ privacy “ of your own home , maybe scratched you bum, or something like that ? I’d be furious !

Creepy. Being "good with the children " doesn't make a good partner. Why go we excuse all the shit stiff men due as long as they are good with the kids.

why is it funny to go and get chips for yourself i dont get it

the camera thing is just creepy

What an absolute twat. Cannot stand this type of vile behaviour when they turn round and say, it’s just a joke, where’s your sense of humour? It’s nasty, cruel and demeaning. Tell him so.

Agree. Not funny at all to invade your privacy like that.
Disagree thatbitvis "a bit selfish" of him to buy food forvhimself and a familybday out. That is a massive fuck-you gesture to you and your child. Hugely disrespectful, huge red flag that he went off a d did his own thing like that without a word.
Horrible man.

I would have went ballistic! What was he thinking, absolutely uncalled for violation. Chips thing, just selfish.

He’s sounds a vile! He’s trying to make you feel in the wrong when clearly on both occasions that you have mentioned, he clearly
is. Get rid of the camera and maybe him too!

I think you should check for any more cameras in the house.

Jokes are meant to be funny, none of your examples have any humour behind them...YANBU! and tbh I think your partner is messing with your mind, to make you doubt yourself, feel self concious/paranoid...might seem like a stretch after 2 examples, but maybe there are more?

One of the options I would investigate is if he's having an affair.

He's checking up on you.

a) Cheaters invariably suspect their partners of unfaithful behaviour
b) He's trying to attribute blame on you, in some way
c) If he cared, his response would be supportive "Are you exhausted? How can I help?"

He's also minimising you to one or more work colleagues.

a) I'd think he's trying to build a story of "Poor me. I'm so unhappy in my relationship. My wife's a lazy slob."
b) This excuses why I'm looking elsewhere.

He's pulling away.

a) Why did he go off and buy chips for himself and why didn't he go buy for everyone in the family?

For whatever reason your partner is not your biggest supporter at the moment. He's not being considerate. He's not looking to engage. He's attacking and criticising you.

If this is "your normal", good luck with that.

But I'd also look at if he's under considerable stress at work right now?
And whether he's resentful that he thinks you're not pulling your weight in the relaitonship right now?

But you can only find that out if you sit down and communicate properly. And ask him where he'd like you both to be in 12 months time.

I don’t get why he was watching the camera. That’s a big weird.

I equate the loss sense of humor comment with "I was just joking" by others despicable behavior.
The same with ignoring the family and going to obtain his own meal.