Have I lost my sense of humour or is this odd?

[AmIclutchingpearls]

Genuinely interested to hear people's thoughts on this as I am at a loss.

Partner came home from work today and mentioned he had seen me having a nap on the sofa while our little one had a nap. We have a ring camera in the living room (that we don't use but is still on our app) and I asked had he seen through that - he said yes and so had all his colleagues. I was mortified and although I didn't say much, it would have been obvious I wasn't happy. He then said he hadn't shown anyone else but that he would have if the living room had not been such a mess.

I let it go but moved the camera. Later on he asked if I was ok and I said to be honest I felt a bit violated, to which his response was that my sense of humour has gone downhill recently.

He then brought up another occasion recently where my sense of humour was apparently lacking. We had gone for a family day out at the coast where our usual habit is to get something from the chip shop together. While I was waiting in line with our older child for a ride, he went and got chips on his own. Our child pointed this out to me and asked did that mean we wouldn't be going together as usual and was a bit disappointed but didn't make a fuss about it. I mentioned to him that I thought this was an odd thing to do, to eat alone on a family day out rather than eat as a family, but me and older child then went and got ours and we all sat down together while we are them. I thought we had then enjoyed the rest of the day and called for a drink on the way home (my suggestion) but he said tonight that I was in a huff the rest of the day.

I should mention my ex fiance had an affair with a work colleague, so I probably am overly sensitive to the thought of him laughing at me with colleagues and he does work mainly with women, but I would have felt uneasy about it even if his colleagues were male. I did at one point say he could tell the women at work his partner has had a sense of humour failure, which was the point he put his plate down and stopped eating or talking.

He has gone to bed early while I was in the shower and I am questioning how this blew up so badly so if anyone could share their thoughts on this I would really appreciate any input!

Your sense of humour has not gone done hill. His manners and respect for you are in the gutter.

Bin both!

Rip the camera off the wall and tell him to shove it. Also tell him that since 2015 it’s been illegal to do what he did - showing others the video footage of you, which he hasn’t got your permission to share. That he had so little respect for me or regard for my privacy would be a deal breaker for me. The fact that he’s in a strop with you and accusing you of a sense of humour failure over this, is a good indicator for abuse.

Totally totally dick borderline abusive move to show watch you sleeping and tell your colleagues about it also and to fucking show them and then complain about the lack of tidying?

Also getting food for only himself when everyone needed to eat was him trying to assert control or punish you for something. He doesn’t sound like a catch to be honest

3 big red flags there.

If it were me I’d think about getting out of this relationship only as I know how quickly it escalates from this into more control and emotional abuse/control.

In fact knowing my EA from years ago he didn’t like nor have a mobile phone but if it was stuff to do with filming on it or ring doorbells/camera recording me I’m sure he’d have done it. I moved in with him for 6 months and I was never sure if he had cctv in the flat then but I couldn’t find it (either well hidden) or if it was outside and I didn’t know where to look. He certainly knew when I was in and out and told me our NDN (another creepy fucker) told him but we joked and said he was a curtain twitcher, now I’m not so sure.

I bet though you’ll say you can’t leave due to the little one or can’t afford to. Thank god I never had kids with my ex even though he wanted to.

This all sounds quite horrible to me.
The camera and the chips incident...who does that on a family day out? So weird.
The camera is a violation for sure.
I'd be uncomfortable living with someone who behaved like that.
Then bitching about the messy living room.

So let me get this right. You can behave like an absolute twat and when the recipient doesn't like it you can blame it on them having no sense of humour.

You haven't lost your sense of humor. What he's doing isn't funny. Going off to get chips alone? Oh hahahahahhaahha! His attitude is concerning and he comes across as very arrogant.

He is a dick.

And in general people (men) who say you don't have a sense of humour are dicks. It's almost always because they have done something dickish. It's a bit like the 'cheer up love' or 'give us a smile' comments from men.

If a male colleague of mine tried to show me 'hilarious' footage of his wife sleeping in what she rightfully assumed to be the privacy of her own home, I'd have told him what I thought of his disrespectful lame attempt at humour at someone else's expense. If that's what passes for funny in his opinion, the man must be an idiot as well as an insufferable bore. Rest assured I can't imagine many women with even half their wits laughing along with him.

Sorry this is happening OP, he needs to be more sensitive and don’t be afraid to stand up to his nonsense.

I just came here to say well done for napping amongst the mess while your LO was napping. I wish I had done this when mine were small, I was exhausted but was rushing around doing jobs in the house while they slept to try & keep on to of everything. Big mistake, I was so tearful and irritated all the time, I should just have caught up on the zzzz’s instead x

Right? I wouldn't even have looked. So intrusive. It would be like looking inside someone's bag.

Also, mums of young DC can sleep whenever they want. The twat.

Him being cruel, selfish and more than a bit of a cunt is not funny in the slightest.

Well done for speaking up, OP.

Like others I also hope you've not been in the habit of sending naked selfies to him, because with someone this disloyal I wouldn't like to think where they'd end up

Do be careful OP; even without the violation he's clearly not a decent man to have tried to manipulate you with what "others" might think, and while he may be apologetic ATM that won't alter his basic nature

No yanbu. I’d be furious. Why the hell was he even looking at the camera inv you’re at home. How often does he check on you. That would really odd me off. As for the chips that’s just selfish, childish behaviour.

I'd have flipped my lid if my guy had done this.

Gaslighting and creepy.

Disloyal, selfish, violating bastard. I'd have reacted far more angrily than you did. Why is this creep even looking at you at home. weird as fuck. I couldn't look at him the same way again.

Totally and utterly not ok
I would remove all cameras
What an absolute disrespectful twat

This is inappropriate, you're enjoying the privacy of your own home and he's sharing it for the mrith of all his colleagues.
That's not funny at all.

So he basically has you on CCTV in your own home, which is usually something you only resort to if you suspect elder or child abuse, theft etc, from an outsider working inside your house. That's as weird af. What is the purpose of it?

Men have been caught filming their partners in the bathroom and bedroom. I really hope that's not the case with your partner, but it's not unheard of and the technology is getting easier to conceal. There's something disturbing about anyone who films others unaware.

All very weird. He sounds quite selfish – chips/not driving - you have (it sounds like) two kids together so that is going to be a continual added strain on you driving everybody everywhere, shopping, moving anything heavy, ever. Not good enough on his part.

Camera doesn’t worry me so much if it had been there for a while for a legitimate reason to start with, however, as others have said, I bet it isn’t the first time he has watched you so get rid. The rather gaslighting implication seemed to be you weren’t pulling your weight because you were sleeping and it was a bit messy. Well maybe you had had a really busy day on no sleep?? He should be supporting you, and should have come home from work asking if you were okay and if he could help you in case you were overtired.

how many parents of young children have a sense of humour failure? I bet all of us at times. The fact he is trying to call you out on it sounds like deflection. Same with the chips – it seems like he is not being himself at the moment so perhaps there is something going on that he is not telling you? Not suggesting he is cheating necessarily, but there is something he is worried about or is hiding, I bet. Maybe he knows he is not carrying equal weight in the relationship. So is trying to assert some dominance in an odd gaslighting way.

Good luck, and don’t take any shit – you are in the right.

But wouldn't you then text your partner and say, 'Baby's restless so we'll go and pick up chips - what do you and older child want?'

He sounds immature to me. You are allowed a full range of emotions, including expressing being pissed off if he is expressing being a dick.

Perhaps it's just me but I really don't get the joke. What was meant to be so funny about a parent falling asleep on the sofa while their child is having a nap?

Ithink I'd be tempted to get rid if him

I might be a bit slow on the uptake but I’m completely failing to understand what could possibly be amusing about him getting his own chips. What on earth has that to do with anyone’s sense of humour?

He’s coming across as very gaslight-y.