To have just driven off?

[Oklie]

On my way home from work I collect mine and DHs DC either from nursery or my parents wherever they are that day as both are on my route home.

I also pass my husbands exes house who he shares a child with and so on the days (50:50) they are with us my husband will ask me to collect SC too.

Our DC are young and are often ratty by 5:30/6pm when they are picked up. There are often tantrums in the car or trying to get out of car seats when we pull up anywhere etc..

I have asked time and time again for SC to be ready when we arrive, he knows the time we will be there and I always let him know on the day too both earlier and 10 mins before we arrive. His mum also knows when I'll be picking up. However he always without fail seems to take ages coming out and its chaotic in the car waiting with tired, hungry and grumpy little ones.

I have asked dh to speak to him, I have spoken to him myself, I have asked DH to speak to ex, I have called / texted when I'm there and it's been 10 + mins of waiting in the car.

Anyway today I'd just had enough. It got to 15 mins of waiting in the car and I rang him again to which he admitted he was "just finishing a game" (as in a multiplayer xbox game) and was 'coming now'.

It got to gone 20 minutes I'd been waiting and so I text again, said it wasnt on and that I was going now and I just drove off and left. DH later went back himself.

DH thinks I was wrong, ex is apparently "fuming" because it meant she had to set off late for work waiting for DH to get there (but couldn't make sure he was ready to go on time obviously). I am passed caring. I don't mind picking up SS but I don't want to be left outside in the car for 20+ bloody minutes dealing with stressed out toddlers. It's disrespectful, especially when it's down to finishing a fucking game. This is not the first time this has happened, its not even uncommon, its practically 90% of the time I go I am left waiting for a stupid amount of time.

Was I unreasonable to have left? SS is 12.

Why don’t you just go to the door and ask his mum to get him?

Nope, you were completely reasonable. I bet the ex will be shoving DSS out of the door st the speed of light next time!

Nope. Not unreasonable. Sounds like he should be dropped off by his mum in futrue and your husband can drop him back.

Because I have two young toddlers in the car. I'm not wrangling them to the door nor am I leaving them in the car on the street. She knows I'm there as does he.

Me and his mum don't get on either.

Totally reasonable.

It's not on her way to work so apparently she can't. Muggins here is left to deal with it instead.

I wouldn't have waited the 20 minutes even without toddlers. Either he's out in 5 minutes or you stop collecting him at all. Well done OP.

No you were not being unreasonable at all. Not just frustrating for you but two tired toddlers need to be got home. I would advise SS and his Mum this is the new norm, and that if Ss not ready for pick up you will just drive home

Then maybe say if he does it again she will have to drop him off in future.

I think you weren't unreasonable OP. He's been told, it wasn't a first offence, he needs to be ready to leave at the set time. His mum wasn't helping, so you have now made it her problem in order to make it worthwhile for her to help. It's a shame you had to do so but there we are.

His mother should ensure he’s ready to leave, not finish his game! Then she won’t be late for work.

I wouldn't have waited that long with or without toddlers in the car. He gets 5 minutes to get into the car or I'd leave. Bloody ridiculous.

This is exactly what I have said to DH now. He's either ready to walk out the door when I pull up or I just carry on my way home and DH or ex can deal with it.

Absolutely not unreasonable. If i were you, after that I would possibly give him another chance in the hope that driving off has got his and his mum to get their arses in gear so he's ready on time but if it happens again that he's late I wouldn't do any more pick ups after that. But that's just me and I'd think you'd be well within your rights to not bother doing the pick ups any more if you didn't want to.

Nah fuck that. If you’re always giving 10 minutes notice as well I’d say from now on if he’s not ready and waiting when you arrive you’ll be leaving every single time.

They've got no respect for you. You did the right thing.

You aren’t in the wrong. It’s rude and disrespectful.

Why couldn't she have left for work anyway if he's 12? Presumably he wouldn't have been alone for very long before your DH arrived?

I would tell them that you are waiting no more than 5 minutes from now on and then leaving. He should be out immediately when you arrive. It is just completely rude to keep someone waiting. And his mum allowing it too. My kids game and there is no way I would ever let them sit on a game if someone was waiting to collect them.

Totally agree with you. I’d do exactly the same (stepmum here too). “I’m just finishing my game”. What??? I’d have gone right then! And his mother must have known you were sitting outside. I bet he’s on time next week! I can’t believe your DH is being grumpy about it. He owes you an apology.

Likely just wanted something new to be mad about I imagine.

Finishing a game when he (and his mother) knew you were waiting outside? Nope, I’d have waited 5 minutes tops, you’re doing his mum and dad a favour, if they can’t organise DSS to be ready it’s not your issue.

It's the audacity too to be mad at me because she's late for work... erm make sure your child leaves on time then and you wouldn't have been? It's not rocket science.

Good for you!
I would and have done the same.
DM, DH and dss are all taking the piss.
I wouldn't pick him up again, you're doing them all a favour and they're being disrespectful, leave them to it.

Well done OP, you made a stand and they’re going to have be more respectful. I did chuckle at “just finishing a game” as I hear it all the time and it gets worse. Nip it all in the bud for your own sanity!