To have just driven off?

[Oklie]

On my way home from work I collect mine and DHs DC either from nursery or my parents wherever they are that day as both are on my route home.

I also pass my husbands exes house who he shares a child with and so on the days (50:50) they are with us my husband will ask me to collect SC too.

Our DC are young and are often ratty by 5:30/6pm when they are picked up. There are often tantrums in the car or trying to get out of car seats when we pull up anywhere etc..

I have asked time and time again for SC to be ready when we arrive, he knows the time we will be there and I always let him know on the day too both earlier and 10 mins before we arrive. His mum also knows when I'll be picking up. However he always without fail seems to take ages coming out and its chaotic in the car waiting with tired, hungry and grumpy little ones.

I have asked dh to speak to him, I have spoken to him myself, I have asked DH to speak to ex, I have called / texted when I'm there and it's been 10 + mins of waiting in the car.

Anyway today I'd just had enough. It got to 15 mins of waiting in the car and I rang him again to which he admitted he was "just finishing a game" (as in a multiplayer xbox game) and was 'coming now'.

It got to gone 20 minutes I'd been waiting and so I text again, said it wasnt on and that I was going now and I just drove off and left. DH later went back himself.

DH thinks I was wrong, ex is apparently "fuming" because it meant she had to set off late for work waiting for DH to get there (but couldn't make sure he was ready to go on time obviously). I am passed caring. I don't mind picking up SS but I don't want to be left outside in the car for 20+ bloody minutes dealing with stressed out toddlers. It's disrespectful, especially when it's down to finishing a fucking game. This is not the first time this has happened, its not even uncommon, its practically 90% of the time I go I am left waiting for a stupid amount of time.

Was I unreasonable to have left? SS is 12.

Absolutely not unreasonable. I'd have left after 10.

OP isn’t going out of her way though - she passes DSS’s house on her way home, which is why she agreed to do pick ups. Doesn’t deserve, and clearly didn’t anticipate, the massive piss take on the part of DSS and his mum !! There was a hilarious post upthread suggesting that rather than cut into DSS’s gaming time OP should get her two tired and grumpy toddlers out of their car seats - at 6pm after a full day at work - and take them into the house for juice and a cosy chat with DM while they waited for him to finish his game. Presumably in an attempt to foster a better relationship for the sake of the ‘poor child’ caught in the middle !! Batshit.

Money?
Good in bed?
Kind?

Who knows....

Some people work as a team, she's passing the house, DS needs collecting.

DS is waiting outside and gets picked up, s non issue.

Everyone happy.

DS behaves like a brat, then there is an issue. DS needs to act appropriately presumably with help of his DM. Then everyone happy?

It's no big thing picking someone up en route, not really.

I know you've got some crazy way of wanting to make the DF out to be a monster and why did OP marry him blah blah.... but it's no big deal until DS acts up, now it's dealt with, so he won't be able to do it again.

I don't think OP needs to LTB .

Maybe try getting out your car and waiting at the door and saying to the child yourself we need to leave now. Or just get your partner to pick up the child instead if it’s not working for you. Either way yeah it’s annoying waiting in car but this is really easily sortable

Good for you @Oklie - I'd have been fuming & done exactly the same!!

As someone who has an SS12 who is a lovely child I can concur that at 12 gaming seems to be their life…. Although my SS knows when we will be there and is already within 5 mins of us arriving if not on time (although I don’t doubt we also have his mum to thank for this).

Hopefully the gaming is just a phase…. My DH has to point out to SS the other day that he had spent £150 on gaming this month (money he has earned with chores, but still). Bloody gaming…

The OP is not picking him up anymore, so won't have to wait again.

He has a GoHenry card so between chores and app challenges he earns money, but I didn’t say he had earned £150 in a month, I said he had spent £150 in a month…. He had collected it over a period of time (he had over £100 saving on the card that he had moved back to the current account part of the card) and now has spent it all! Bloody gaming…. But he’s had a big change of circumstances recently and we wonder if this is part and parcel of this sudden change.

So my DH will speak to him when we next have him, but, in the meantime has sent him a screenshot and told him he could have bought the trainers he wants and a Liverpool away top rather than just ‘pictures on a game’. He got a text back saying ‘Damn’.

We figure it’s important to teach him now though with something like this before the stakes are raised and he can obtain credit. So, hopefully, with a chat and him now seeing it’s all gone and he has nothing left and he has to rebuild it over another 6 months or so he will learn.

We do have a separate savings account for him we pay into BTW (the larger amounts of birthday money, etc) that he can’t touch so it’s not like we allow him to spend everything he gets!!!

It is very easily sorted, OP isn't responsible for sorting it.

DM, who is responsible for SS at that point in time and who relies on SM to pick SS up on time so she can get to work, could maybe get off her arse and parent the child she birthed.

DH could ensure he leaves work to pick up SS, instead of expecting OP to do it with 2 tired and grumpy toddlers.

How is OP meant to tell SS they need to leave now, when she's stood at the door and he's in his room gaming? He's not going to respect her or her time more just because she's at the door. He can't even respect it now when she calls him, after he and DM have already been informed at least twice and within plenty of time!

Maybe try getting out your car and waiting at the door and saying to the child yourself we need to leave now.

OP is doing her SS/his mum a favour. She should not have to dance attendance on them into the bargain.

lol as if anyone said that op should take her kids into the house and wait for him!

Just let everyone know you'll wait no longer than 5 minutes & if he's not out & in the car on time you won't be waiting. I'm sure the Ex will have him ready & waiting at the door for you pulling up if she knows you're not prepared to wait anymore. Text when you're on your way to pick him up so he has no excuse for not being ready.

Several posters upthread said exactly that. That OP should get her two tired and grumpy toddlers out of their car seats and go and knock on the door. One even went so far as to say that in order to foster better relations with DM, at 6pm after a day at work, and despite the fact that the two young children are tired and hungry, OP should park up, get them out of their car seats and take them into the house for juice and a chat while DSS finishes his game. There is a palpable hatred of step parents on MN.