To have challenged my boss over “blonde moment” comment?

[Monkeytrousers04]

Just that really. I pointed out a minor oversight that my supervisor made at work and his response was to say he had a “blonde moment”. This was all done via teams and in a main group chat. The rest of the team are all women. Four of whom have blonde hair, not that it really matters.

I replied to this saying “implying what?! haha” (my exact words as I was trying to keep it light as is our usually team banter). He replied with “I had a blonde moment”. So I said, “given there are four blondes on this team I’d be careful saying that”. He replied with “oh get real, its just a saying and I was directing it at myself”.

I thought he might respond with “oops, sorry ladies” or something else along those lines but no.

We recently all had to attend a mandatory in-person training course all about challenging inappropriate language and behaviour, following some bad press about the organisation being institutionally mysogynistic so I thought I’d give it a go. He has made similar comments before which I have let slide, but I know affected others in the team as we’ve discussed it in a side chat. No one else ever says anything though as they don’t want to rock the boat. One example is when he implied that I wasn’t a “normal woman” as I said I hated shopping.

As a team we basically carry him through his working day and generally turn a blind eye when he takes his 30 min break and returns over an hour later.

But in all honesty, he makes my working day miserable, often choosing to “mansplain” things to me, which I then have to correct as he’s got it wrong. Or completely ignores me or excludes me from team discussions as I might ask some tricky questions… basically, I think he finds me annoying and doesn’t seem to credit me with any intelligence at all.

I accept that what he said is not the most sexist thing a person can say and there are much bigger problems in the world right now, but for me, it’s these little side comments that often go unchallenged and for whatever reason I decided to take him on today, and subsequently lost.

Having a senior moment - yes it can similarly amount to harassment. On the ground of age.
This is the workplace we are talking about. Would be good to see posters do a bit of a refresher on the Equality Act and their obligations under it. Like it or don't, those are legal considerations that cannot really be safely ignored.

No I can't imagine that because saying someone is having a 'black moment' to describe stupidity is not a thing.

Telling that you singled out this group of people to use as an example.

Nice try. But there's nothing 'telling' about it, so get away with your implication that pp was trying to link race with stupidity. They simply gave that as an example to make people think about how appalled we would be if the remark HAD linked stupidity with race rather than sex, when both race and sex are equally protected characteristics; and linking either with stupidity is equally inappropriate.

Nice try, but it’s telling that THAT is the race they decided to pick.

The phrase has appropriately been compared to ‘senior moment’ which is an established phrase, and works perfectly to compare to another protected characteristic.

In what way is it telling? I think the poster was just trying to make the point that it is very inappropriate to link the colour of hair or skin to intelligence. Not sure why mumsnet thought it appropriate to delete their comment either particularly as they left yours.

Top tip before responding to a MN post look who wrote it. @Fannyfiggs posts contrary views. I think they find joy in ramping up a row. When I see someone going against the grain and in a pretty aggressive way it tends to be them.

Hopefully she would.

"Senior moment" is an awful, awful phrase.

I'd be grateful if you can point me to my contrary views, where I've ramped up a row, gone against the grain and where I've been aggressive?

🤣🤣🤣🤣 I see you

I explained why in my post that you quoted. Perhaps read it again.

Clearly you do. Are you stalking me? Please don't, it's weird.

🤣🤣🤣🤣 Carry on. As per my original post I am not going to rise to it.

Ummm, okay 👍

I read the post and you don't explain why you think it is "telling" at all.

I’m just reading a report of today’s hearing of the Post Office Enquiry. A former MD says he didn't realise that the Post Office was able to initiate its own prosecutions. Essentially, when he joined, certain things were not explained to him properly and he made assumptions that they had been (because he was the boss). I think that gives a whole new meaning to the phrase “senior moment”….

As you were.

Been blonde all my life and heard this countless times. It really doesn't bother me, but I enjoy banter, and unless he's a proverbial pita over other things, I'd just be rude back.

Yes, I would have felt the same way as the implications are the same - that older people are not as intelligent/ switched on as younger people which is not true.

I’ve had an apology! I flagged it with another supervisor today as he happened to check in and ask me how I was… I didn’t go into loads of detail but said that his response to my remark was uncalled for and dismissive and that I all I did was point out that he should be careful when making comments such as that. They agreed with me and had a word with him (how much about the blonde comment, I don’t know, but certainly about him snapping at me). He has apologised for the upset he has caused me and accepts that people can perceive things in many different ways… so it’s not a perfect outcome by any means as I still don’t think he thinks he said anything wrong but hopefully it will make him think twice before saying such things in the future which is part of the battle.

That's a great outcome, OP. Hopefully he'll think twice in future about his stupid comments

@abracadabra1980 many people get away with misogynistic rubbish under the guise of banter

@Monkeytrousers04 brilliant. That's one small step for woman, one giant leap for womankind 😁

The OP is not 6 years old. She's a grown woman who hopefully has the ability to rise above mean words spoken at work. How do you think ethnic minorities get through their careers? You pick your battles and save your energy for serious things.

I’m a grown woman who chose to challenge a comment which is clearly still being used today, to the extent that a 6 year old girl questioned her own intelligence after a 6 year old boy overheard an adult using the same phrase and decided to repeat it. I think it was the right battle to pick.

And imagine a world where people could get through their careers without being subject to any discriminatory language or behaviour whatsoever? How might that be possible, I wonder? Oh, I know, by challenging it.

The point I was making (trying to make) is that even as young girls we hear these phrases and become conditioned as adults to accept such ‘throw away’ comments. This comment to my six year old will have come about because someone (I would guess an adult) in the other child’s house says this either seriously or flippantly.

Totally pick your battles, for you, but I personally support anyone challenging the ‘status quo’.