To have challenged my boss over “blonde moment” comment?

[Monkeytrousers04]

Just that really. I pointed out a minor oversight that my supervisor made at work and his response was to say he had a “blonde moment”. This was all done via teams and in a main group chat. The rest of the team are all women. Four of whom have blonde hair, not that it really matters.

I replied to this saying “implying what?! haha” (my exact words as I was trying to keep it light as is our usually team banter). He replied with “I had a blonde moment”. So I said, “given there are four blondes on this team I’d be careful saying that”. He replied with “oh get real, its just a saying and I was directing it at myself”.

I thought he might respond with “oops, sorry ladies” or something else along those lines but no.

We recently all had to attend a mandatory in-person training course all about challenging inappropriate language and behaviour, following some bad press about the organisation being institutionally mysogynistic so I thought I’d give it a go. He has made similar comments before which I have let slide, but I know affected others in the team as we’ve discussed it in a side chat. No one else ever says anything though as they don’t want to rock the boat. One example is when he implied that I wasn’t a “normal woman” as I said I hated shopping.

As a team we basically carry him through his working day and generally turn a blind eye when he takes his 30 min break and returns over an hour later.

But in all honesty, he makes my working day miserable, often choosing to “mansplain” things to me, which I then have to correct as he’s got it wrong. Or completely ignores me or excludes me from team discussions as I might ask some tricky questions… basically, I think he finds me annoying and doesn’t seem to credit me with any intelligence at all.

I accept that what he said is not the most sexist thing a person can say and there are much bigger problems in the world right now, but for me, it’s these little side comments that often go unchallenged and for whatever reason I decided to take him on today, and subsequently lost.

@pastaandpesto You really, really can't think the prejudice and discrimination against being blonde is REMOTELY similar or comparable to the that of being black or disabled 🤦🏼‍♀️🤦🏼‍♀️🤦🏼‍♀️ Jesus fucking Christ folks

Absolutely I don't, AT ALL. What I was trying to say is that the insistence that there is nothing wrong with the occasional "blonde moment" comment is a tiny insight into what other groups might experience x1000.

Perhaps it's inappropriate to even consider making that comparison, I which case I apologise.

To add - I guess what I was trying to say is that there are times when I've come across something being described as racist and not understood exactly why or perceived it that way myself. Reading this post and seeing how many posters are ready to minimise or dismiss the OPs feelings gave me pause for thought for how depressing is must be to experience this on a completely different level (e.g. racism, disability).

Perhaps my post is just illustrating my own lack of real understanding though so I'll stop now.

Replace the word blonde with black or disabled and then tell me if you still think it's OK?

Sorry but if you think this is remotely comparable, you need to get a grip. You think blondes are oppressed or discriminated against? Any blonde genocides or mob killings as of late? Are their a disproportionate number of dirty blondes being convicted due to lack of capacity (blonde moments)?

And can we stop bringing black people into every discussion please!?! Black people aren't your trump card, and neither are disabled people.

I can't be surprised though. People here support Amy Cooper and are more outraged at her being called a Karen than threatening police on a black guy.

Yes, I can see that my approach was all wrong now. I think I was hoping that my fellow blondes/ female team members might step in and help but alas no.

I think what I find even more depressing than the people who have commented on this thread that find this comment acceptable is that of out of my colleagues, only I said something. I know one person will happily moan about him in a side chat but openly admits to not wanting to rock the boat. Another female team member is leaving soon so just wants to work out her notice in peace and the other team member, who is blonde and who I have also witnessed first hand being the subject of this supervisors patronising ways, believes she’s on to a good thing where we work and that it would appear ungrateful to say anything.

It just reconfirms the notion that if you are a white heterosexual male in a predominantly male environment, in spite of training, awareness raising and all sorts, you will go largely unchecked by colleagues rather than challenged if you say or do anything even vaguely inappropriate.

I don’t know how any work gets done at places now with people spending all their time listening out for something to be offended about

Document all of the remarks.
Have your co-workers do the same.

Document the pisstaking wrt breaks separately.

Take it all to HR, separately.

It is irrelevant that he said this about himself.

What he implied is that stupidity and blonde hair go hand in hand.

If he wanted to be inoffensive and accurate, he could have simply called himself stupid.

Yes, that would be racism, which is defined as pertaining to national origin and ethnicity as well as racial features.

I am so so glad I no longer work in an office.

I survived years of being the only women in a very male dominated environment without being offended by comments made around me.

(Currently blonde)

As a team we basically carry him through his working day and generally turn a blind eye when he takes his 30 min break and returns over an hour later.

But in all honesty, he makes my working day miserable, often choosing to “mansplain” things to me, which I then have to correct as he’s got it wrong. Or completely ignores me or excludes me from team discussions as I might ask some tricky questions… basically, I think he finds me annoying and doesn’t seem to credit me with any intelligence at all.

This really is the crux of the matter, you have an issue with him. You've found this little micro problem and are attempting to grow the seed to justify your contempt for management.
Honestly, people who think they can carry the manager's role out better than them are ten a penny.

Your conclusion is absolutely correct, and incredibly depressing.

More depressing is this thread, though.

We will never, ever be respected in our homes or workplaces if we are prepared to accept that fielding this kind of shit on a daily basis is the price we should pay for the "privilege" of working.

It absolutely not my intention to imply that blondes experience discrimination in the same way that black women do. I unreservedly apologise if that's how it reads.

When I hear people talking about "blonde moments" or "dizzy blondes", to me it is inextricably coupled with fact they are women. And women as a group have absolutely been historically oppressed on many different levels, and even though we have come a long way, many women in the UK will have experienced and continue to experience shitty behaviour and been disadvantaged in the workplace due to their sex. Permitting casual use of misogynistic language and dismissing the concerns of people who call it out just perpetuates the remaining inequality that women experience.

But I see the irony of me using the example I did, and then saying "but I didn't mean to offend". I'll take note not to make the comparison again.

What are you talking about?

I have NEVER heard a "dumb blonde" joke about a man. The whole "point" of the joke is the sweeping generalisation that blonde WOMEN are stupid and of lower intelligence.

You really cannot see why that is offensive???

I think some posters have made their minds up not to be offended about anything, and basically refuse to actually engage their brain to think through the insult to its logical conclusion. A "blonde", "brunette", or "redhead" are all (reductive) terms used to denote a woman. If it's a man it would be a man with blond hair etc (even then the word fair would more often be used).
So then you add in "dumb" and it's a term only applied to women, with the added comment that they are stupid. And in the workplace, that is really significant.

Comments like this might be alright with friends, but not in a work environment. There is no reason to make comments related to appearance, even if it is a joke. You do not want people working for you thinking that they are judged on their hair colour or other personal features.

I personally would not make an issue out of it, as it is likely more trouble than it is worth. You are not going to change him. I have worked in an office for decades and have had plenty of sexist comments made to me. I try to just move on. To be fair, it is better now than 25 years old.

Congratulations

I have NEVER heard a "dumb blonde" joke about a man. The whole "point" of the joke is the sweeping generalisation that blonde WOMEN are stupid and of lower intelligence.

We quite literally have a man making a blonde joke about himself right here. It's hardly a hit comedy performance (it's just a passing comment) but it's the exact opposite of what you're claiming.

Is this even the real world? How does this command so much outrage? If he said it to another person, male or female, of course. This is all just loopy though.

It is utterly irrelevant if he was talking about himself, his grandmother, or the fucking Queen. The point is he was using the misogynistic stereotype that (young, attractive) blonde women are intellectually inferior as a sloppy shortcut to describe his mistake.

How can that possibly be OK?

But in all honesty, he makes my working day miserable, often choosing to “mansplain” things to me, which I then have to correct as he’s got it wrong. Or completely ignores me or excludes me from team discussions as I might ask some tricky questions… basically, I think he finds me annoying and doesn’t seem to credit me with any intelligence at all

Sounds like this is your real problem.
As for the blonde moment, it's a saying, and been around for years, seriously couldn't get worked up about it, I'd probably just laugh and roll my eyes.
(I'm a blonde woman myself)

A not unrelated example is the casual use of "being a bit OCD" which seems to be complete normalised and "just a joke".

As a mother of a child who is severely impacted by intrusive thoughts it fucking infuriates me but I am a coward and a people pleaser and don't pull people up on it. Reading the responses to this thread I'm glad I've never bothered.

God I couldn’t get worked up about this!

He made the remark about himself and it is a very common saying.

You seem to preach about what right yet you also indulge in sly chats about him to your colleague/s whenever the mood takes you.

Utter nightmare.

Depressing thread.

An organization has had bad press because of its culture of misogyny.
The man in question has a history of making causally sexist comments.
There was recently mandatory training which included the need to challenge misogyny in the workplace.
Man makes another casually sexist comment.
OP challenges a casually misogynistic comment in quite a gentle way.

And a good chunk of posters spring to the man’s defence and label the OP as an “utter nightmare” or whatever else? Sad, really.

Threads like this make me pleased I'm no longer working.

Blonde moment - not something I would ever be offended by.

Ladies - a term I would always use. To me it's far more respectful than women. I can't ever have imagined saying to a child, 'Ask the woman'. It sounds disrespectful at best.

I find swearing far more offensive than either of the terms above but that seems rarely to be objected to on MN.

@pastaandpesto 'how can it be ok?'

How the hell can anyone get het up about this? It's now irrelevant that he's talking abou to himself? Despite the fact that someone said they 'NEVER' heard the comment by applied to men? Well, now you have and it's still 'inappropriate'.