To think a toddler shouldn't be alone in a park?

[sleepfortheweek]

I keep thinking about this and wondering what else I should have done.

We were visiting family at the weekend and my DDs (7&9) wanted to go to one of their favourite parks. The park is quite big, situated right by the river.

It was quite a stormy day, but dry. I noticed a young girl, I would say around 2.5yo, wandering around the park. I assumed she was with one of the many families that were there. She was interacting with quite a few different groups, so at first I didn't think too much of it other than thinking she must be cold. She was wearing a short sleeved cotton tshirt dress. No tights (or even a vest over her nappy) and no cardigan/jumper/jacket. I kept my eye on her as she was latching on to my DDs, while looking around to see if anyone was watching her.

After around 40-45 minutes, another mum came up to me and asked if she was with me. When I said no, she said she was concerned as hadn't seen anyone with her. We asked the little girl where her mum/dad was but she didn't really speak and just kept giggling and running off. We asked the other people in the park, no one had any idea though who she was. The other mum then around the benches outside of the park as asked any of them if that was their child. Still No. She then went into the cafe overlooking the park to ask in there.

She had found the parents - inside the cafe having a cup of coffee? Apparently they were very rude, saying they had their eye on her at all times and she was dressed more than appropriately (the other mum must have suggested she didn't have enough clothes on!).

The other concerned mum was obviously quite taken aback and left with her DC. Another 15/20mins went by, and I kept my eye on the little girl. The parents then came out and took her away.

There were about 4 exits to the park, with a very full fast river right beside it. There's no way they could see her if she was at the far end. The park was also very busy. So many things could have happened and every time I think of it I get this horrible feeling of guilt/anxiety/regret.

This is surely neglect? I keep thinking I should have said something? I'm really fearful of conflict and I'm feeling like I totally wimped out at the expense of that child's safety. The mum was heavily pregnant, and they must have been early 20s. The young girl had marks all down her face (although that's maybe from just being a toddler!) but didn't seem put up nor down by the presence of her parents.

What would you have done?

I definitely would have done this. Once at Legoland there was a little girl screaming at the man carrying her that he wasn’t her dad. I stopped him, and asked her if he was her daddy when she was happy and she said yes. I then asked her a couple of other questions to make sure.

The guy was furious (kid just having a tantrum) and my hubby embarrassed but I would do it again, imagine reading in the papers that evening that a child had been abducted and I just stood by and watched!

I have a 2.5 year old and reading your post, gave me the chills. I feel there are times, where people need to take the uncomfortable position and yes, the police should have been called.

Poor girl.

You should have called 999.

I would never leave a toddler on their own in the park, no way. What if she fell and hurt herself etc? No chance, that’s so irresponsible! I still like to keep an eye on my 9 year old at the park

I'm shocked how many people are defending the parents. A 2 year old!
I would bet money that the cafe does 'to go'. OP also said parents plural so it's no excuse for one to be pregnant and needing a break. If pregnant mum needs a rest then other adult goes and watches the kid. Get a coffee to take away if you need to.

OP i get why you didnt call the police, the assumption is they are with someone when they play with others. In future you will and let's hope this tot is OK!

I think I would have acted the same in your situation. If you have eyes on the child while another adult searches for the parents you wouldn't necessarily think police. Something could have happened to their adult or another child they were caring for - that would seem more likely at first. Obviously there's relief when the parents are found.

I would still log this with the police. As others have said, it's a collection of evidence that builds a case of neglect. I imagine there will be cctv in the cafe and round the park. They may act on it or may know the couple from the description. Leave it in their hands.

From inside a cafe. She was 2 years old from what the OP says it was not a secure area and there was a river this is not ok.

You should have rung the Police at the time.

This.

Plenty of responsible caring parents watch their children {and dogs!} when playing in park- as it takes just seconds for bad things to happen.

I caught a young child who was flailing about running fast downhill towards a very busy junction- The mother was metres back, unaware, transfixed by her phone.

The child could have been killed.

Phones sap attention from young children [and dogs] like nothing else.

Well done..After all, Jamie Bulger's sadistic killers were asked by passersby if he was ok, and the abducters lied and said the distressed toddler was their ''brother.''

Early one morning I saw a young man being what I thought was mugged by two men- they were going through his pockets.

I called over the road 'Are you ok??' {I had my brick Nokia ready to call 999}

The men ''mugging'' him were in fact plain clothes coppers and showed a card- they thanked me for checking...even the lad being searched said ''Thanks''.

just because people have their phones in their hands, doesn’t mean they are scrolling on it, people take photos using phones too!

I'd definitely phone the police, even if it's too late now hopefully you can at least give a description that they can have on file in case they are reported again.

Good evening. I have now logged the incident with the local police. Unlikely I'll know the outcome but I feel better for doing it.

For everyone saying I should have rung 999 straight away - the situation wasn't as black and white as that. Unless when you go into a park you ask round all families if the children who are near them are theirs (which no one would think of doing!) then it was not obvious that she was on her own. When we grew concerned (after speaking to another mum - who I actually thought might have been with her) then we took action which after a few minutes resulted in locating the parents. The other mum was extremely angry and left the park, and I assumed the parents would just come out and get their child after the confrontation.

Out of the dozens of adults in the park, there was only two of us who noticed and took some form of action. Maybe I should have phoned the police after finding the parents? I didn't do nothing, but could have done more.

Still thinking about it all the time.

If you told police a child that young was unattended with no parents not dressed appropriately the police would be there asap and a would trigger ss

The police could have found parents in cafe

Don't give yourself a hard time
Difficult situation
I would have rung police after the parents reaction personally but that's easy for me to say

I didn't see the reaction in person as it was the other mum who went in and then relayed the information to me

Nah there's differences in parenting then there's common sense. This isn't right. I'm not sure I'd feel comfortable leaving my sensible 6 year old in this situation never mind a 2.5 year old.

Parents can't have had much of an eye on the kid as they would have surely noticed the commotion and the other parents fussing around their child and gone and made theirselves known.

It's really worrying and sad that the kid was latching onto other people so much as well. She was probably desperate to feel cared for. She's going to end up way too familiar with strangers. She's meant to feel stranger danger at that age and she'd be a prime target for a child snatcher esepecially if they're there regularly.

This is all a massive red flag OP. If you ever see them again I really would call the police

OP I'm sure 95% or more of people would have reacted the same (or worse, i.e. done nothing) as you in this situation. It's easy for people to claim they would have done x when they weren't actually in this situation. You didn't realise what was happening (that the parents were neglecting the toddler) until the situation had been resolved and the parents found. This was a shock, as you were confused at the time wondering how this child had become lost from her parents, you were probably expecting to come across parents frantically looking for their lost child, because that is how you would have felt in that situation. It was a shock and took time for you to process the reality, that the toddler was neglected, and the police should have been called. You did the right thing, you kept an eye on the child, and together with the other conscientious mother, you found the parents. The vast majority of other families in the park didn't do this, they ignored the situation completely / assumed everything was fine. It was actually you who took steps to do something about it and resolve the situation so you should feel proud of that. I'm sure lots of people reading this will be more vigilant of lost children in the future and will be quicker to call the police so thank you for posting on MN too.

Op, don't beat yourself up. Maybe, you know what, why don't you call police anyway to report. You might even go to the park form time to time with your kids, and see if these people are around. Maybe you'll bump into them again, there or in the neighbourhood. Nothing else you can do right now. It's really upsetting to witness things like this I know...

Good on you OP, don’t beat yourself up now, as you said there were plenty of others there who didn’t react at all. You are right, it’s not black and white, and there are so many neglected kids in the “system” too, Baby P springs to mind.
You witnessed shit parenting, no doubt, and you acted as you best saw fit, hindsight is a good thing but there were so many unknowns in this situation, just be kinder to yourself now x

Don't give yourself a hard time OP. I'm glad you reported though. The parents clearly weren't watching as they would have noticed you asking around who she was with and came our and said its ok she's with us etc.

Also as PP said its concerning she was so ok with being alone. Mine are 7 and 4 and still check in with me every 30 seconds with a "watch this" etc

1 metre? Really?

I absolutely stood further than a metre for my kids. I don't think it's just me?!

I'm not surprised you didn't ring 999, she could have been with any of the 19 other families! What were you meant to do, wait until the police turn yo and the family one over say "yes, she's one of ours"? There's absolutely no way you could have known. By the time you did know, you also knew where the parents were.

There's an awful lot of hindsight by proxy going on in this thread.

I would have done what any other strong, sensible adult would have down: rang the police.

yea, you are feeling the way you are feeling because you failed that child. I know she’s not your immediate responsibility, but we must look out for ALL children, not only those we are related to.