It's just laundry - nothing to be embarrassed about

[Aparecium]

I took the family's clean laundry off the airer, folded it and put it in a basket. I gave the basket to 17yo ds and asked him to sort it and put piles of clean laundry on everyone's beds for them to put away.

When dh does the laundry, he either tells people to claim their kit straight from the airer, or he sorts it as he takes it off the airer, so the dc who distributes it just has to pick up ready-sorted piles.

Apparently ds told dh that he prefers dh's way, as he was embarrassed handling his mum's and his sister's underwear.

YANBU - it's just clean clothes and ds should be grateful he wasn't asked to put on a load as then he would be handling dirty laundry.

YABU - give the bashful teen boy a break.

YOU don't have to associate underwear with shagging.

But they are pieces of clothing that cover the shagging parts of the body. They are sexual parts in many ways (but not exclusively) and as are the parts involved in sex, there is a massive lingerie and sexy male pants industry.

I'd be very surprised if you weren't aware of it and suspect you are being disingenuous.

You've not seen lingerie anywhere? Ann Summers? Or Victoria Secrets catwalks? Or others like Fenty? .

Or just seen underwear in Debenhams or M and S or primark that made you think a lot of people did see underwear as part of human sexuality which includes shagging?

Intimate parts of the body.

And the Intimate parts which aren't just for shagging but where the most private bodily functions happen.

Shitting, pissing, menstruation, vaginal discharge and spotting at different points in the menstruation cycle.

They're Intimate pieces of clothing, not just 'items of clothing'. If they weren't, we'd all strut about in them in front of anyone and everyone.

But we don't. In fact, most people have a very small number of scenarios where we do let other people see us in underwear.

And if other people saw us in our underwear without our consent e.g men peeping in changing rooms then they would be committing sexual offences.

As would men nicking knickers off washing lines..

They're not 'just clothes' or 'just laundry' they have lots of implicit thoughts, feelings and societal and cultural attachments.

If OP had posted 'I found a pair of my or DDS knickers in DS room and I do the laundry and definitely didn't put them there' MNetters would be falling over themselves to say he was already a pervert or at the very least in the making to be one and OP should report him to anyone that would listen

But when he's expressed mild discomfort about handling his Mum and sisters knickers, suddenly knickers mean nothing Intimate to some posters and he's just an asshole gearing up to be a shit adult man who will be worth nothing to nobody 🙄

Or you just dump the crap in the washing machine and get on with your day? That's a very long, very detailed post about underwear and where one might buy it, and with what intention. Not everyone puts that level of thought into it tbh.

@DanielGault Not sure why it bugs you so much. I think it’s perfectly reasonable that a teenage boy doesn’t want to handle his mum and sisters knickers. I doubt many teenage girls would relish sorting their dad’s y fronts or budgie smugglers.

I'm pretty sure he won't mind handling his girlfriend's knickers! Anyway to be honest I wouldn't really want my DH of 15 years washing my knickers if there had been a leaking incident, not everything needs to be shared.

It doesn't 'bug me so much'. I'm replying just like you are. And I didn't say anyone would want to handle dirty washing, who does, just that that a 17 year old boy doesn't need to be shielded from it like it's nuclear waste. Grab, chuck, press button. Job done.

😮 surely your DH has washed period knickers?

I'm pretty sure he won't mind handling his girlfriend's knickers!

are you? Well that’s good then.

Bless. Is he embarrassed at everything?

Get his dad to sort him out along with the laundry. Gently remind him that they're just clothes and he'll be dealing with more when he's married.

You are obsessed with period.stains as a pp said not everything needs to be shared I mean if you and your husband are happy enough doing period washing between you crack on, some women find it too personal to share.

My DH is currently the main parent trying to figure out swimming period products for DD. He's a good bit older than me, and has no sisters. He stood there today in Primark discussing period swimwear with an assistant. If he can deal with this shit, anyone can.

It must do as you’re quite aggressive in some of your responses. Using ffs (not strictly swearing but expressing annoyance/irritation) and saying about not wanting to think of your parents ‘fucking’ all seems a little ott to me 🤷‍♀️ there’s nothing weird in a teenage boy not wanting to see his mums or sisters knickers close up. I have two sons and I don’t think either of them would like it much either.

Tone policing is annoying. FFS is not prohibited. It's unfortunate you dislike my style of posting. And I yours. Such is life. As to my post about my parents, it was a direct quote from a different poster, I didn't like it either, but it's a public forum.

Don't be ridiculous!

Your DH is right with his way!

Same here! I suppose some people are just more private than others?
No need to impose your own ideas of what’s embarrassing and what isn’t on someone else. Provided the teenager helps with other stuff I really don’t see an issue.

Apologies for misquoting you. I still think it’s totally normal though for teenage boys to not want to handle mum’s underwear 😁

It is not about being a family it is about being prepared for adult life which involves knowing to do your laundry before you run out of underwear, knowing how to manage each stage of the washing process so you don't leave wet stuff in the washing machine for days, knowing where your favourite top is and making sure it is washed and clean to go out on Saturday night. Maybe having to juggle washing around working and studying. Possibly having to share washing facilities with lots of other people in halls. Knowing which clothes can go into the tumble dryer. Side benefit being he doesn't have to handle your underwear. It means that there is one less thing to have to learn when moving out.

Each person does a mixed load about once a week which fills the machine (all adult size). Not many whites but those are pooled together and go on with youngest ds school shirts as he is not yet in sixth form I still wash his clothes but he brings them down and takes them back up. I still do towels etc otherwise no one else probably would.

Ooh, getting snappy and deviating from your initial posts because numerous posters have pointed out how ridiculous you are.

My post was long because I wanted to explain all my points so you couldn't come back with anything to refute.

And you couldn't so the only thing you can grasp is"ooh too long and detailed". .

Other posters are much more succinct in handing your arse to you. .

The Daniel Gault i'm thinking of would never..

Enjoy 😉

Again, I said nothing about wanting anything. I didn't 'want' to wash the dishes. I just did the job. I didn't inspect anyone's underwear, I grabbed, ran, and dumped. My family didn't implode, neither did I.

Getting snappy? Having an opinion is not getting snappy.

Don’t be pathetic! Girls have knickers! Wait until he finds out about periods.

Teach your sons normality with girls stuff!!! Teach your sons to treat women with respect. God forbid what will happen if a girlfriend has a period.

no one’s asking him to sit there and sniff their bloody knickers just chuck it in a pile and walk it up the stairs. Jesus the way we baby boys is ridiculous.

Yanbu, just clean clothes but we are a house of women except dp. He regularly folds adult dd and dsd's laundry and they have no embarrassment at all, they are lazy and happy for him to do it!

What about girls who don’t want to handle their dad’s y fronts? Do they need to be taught respect as well and respect a bit of skid?

Nobody wants to do that fgs. But if that's the set up in the household, you just do it. It's not child abuse. It's just yuck. I don't want to go near anyone else's kecks tbh. But sometimes, you just have to do it. I can't imagine most fathers enjoy picking up dirty underwear either. But someone has to do it.

But do teenage girls need to be taught respect if they complain about not wanting to deal with their dad’s underwear? You said boys need to learn to respect women so the same must surely go for girls?

Ths is not aimed at Daniel Gault who has responded to my query to someone else.

But boys can also empty the laundry basket?

I'm with you. When he's living with someone he can't avoid washing underwear in case he has to see someone else's pants.