It's just laundry - nothing to be embarrassed about

[Aparecium]

I took the family's clean laundry off the airer, folded it and put it in a basket. I gave the basket to 17yo ds and asked him to sort it and put piles of clean laundry on everyone's beds for them to put away.

When dh does the laundry, he either tells people to claim their kit straight from the airer, or he sorts it as he takes it off the airer, so the dc who distributes it just has to pick up ready-sorted piles.

Apparently ds told dh that he prefers dh's way, as he was embarrassed handling his mum's and his sister's underwear.

YANBU - it's just clean clothes and ds should be grateful he wasn't asked to put on a load as then he would be handling dirty laundry.

YABU - give the bashful teen boy a break.

We were stuck doing it all, mums and dad's included. A bit ick but not damaging! I suppose we didn't know any different. And if didn't do it, it would have all been left to mum. Dad wouldn't have dreamed of lowering himself to do washing.

I have. I said I was wrong 😊

i Can understand his embarrassment but he needs to get over it. So while he may prefer DH way I think it’s time for him to start doing his share of the family laundry etc. It will save him any discomfort in all types of scenarios in the years ahead!

Oh, this idea that he will achieve some degree of enlightenment by sorting the undie pile is being really over-egged.

I wouldn't ask my 18yo ds to handle my underwear or my 16yo dd's underwear.
Neither would I ask my 16yo dd to handle my ds's or dh's underwear.

So I think YABU, sorry.

Really?

I have 2 DS and I know which pants belong to which DS

It's not achieving enlightenment fgs, it's teaching him to be a grown up. And not indulging stupid attitudes about what men 'can't possibly do'. Very simple really, far from 'enlightenment'.

Ah, then much respect to you as it is hard to admit we're wrong, rarely happens in RL and even less frequently happens on MN.

You're a good person. May the sun always shine on you ✨️ 🙏 💛

It's not about what men can't possibly do .... it's what kids of both sexes would rather not do and, when there are a thousand jobs that can be done to help around the house, I think the op's dhs method is preferable.

Actually, this probably is about his attitude to women: he feels it is disrespectful and inappropriate of him to handle and look at our underwear.

Well it's personal preference isn't it I suppose? Personally, I think it's better not to encourage a fear (for want of a better word) of things related to the opposite sex.

Why would your kids describe them like that and talk to you like that?

Hey, don't be trying to spin this into a story about a perfectly normal teen not wanting to have to grapple with his dm's and dsis's undies, remember...he's probably a workshy, woman-hating shit who will never be fit to merge into society. Remember, never give kids, especially boys, the benefit of the doubt...this is MN.

A lot of people in this thread are raising men who will be utterly useless to their future wives. Good job. 🙄

You're the one spinning here tbh. Obviously it's not a fun, enjoyable job doing anyone's laundry. But lots of things in life are of the 'take a deep breath and get on with it's variety'. Needs must. The sooner kids learn that the better.

This is true. Most of my friends agree the first thing most people look for in a man is the ability to sort their families underwear.

Really? And yet, here I am, the girl who only fetched her own undies from the washing basket, defying the odds as a functioning, and not at all useless, member of my household.

I didn’t realise sorting mums pants was a life lesson that I needed to teach my son as to not upset his future wife 😂 I just Chuck his clean washing on his bed frankly for him to sort, do the same with my girls 😱.

Ok. This was the point I was trying to make!!

But needs don't must. Needs can be achieved in an alternative manner - as pointed out by the op's dh.

No wonder we have a generation of kids who are broken by anxiety when no act of disgruntlement is so small it cannot be amplified to some high stake act of prophetic doom.

Honestly 🙄

Two issues here: whose way of doing laundry is better, and is your DS unreasonable to be embarrassed by your/DD's knickers?

Like your DH, I sort and fold everything as it comes off the dryer so I can just shove it in the relevant drawer when upstairs. My DH makes a big show of doing the washing then leaves all the dry stuff in a disorganised pile on the kitchen island for me to take upstairs and sort. Drives me nuts. So obviously I think your DH is correct.

As for your DS - he's a 17 year old boy, of course he's embarrassed at having to handle his mum's underwear! Might be kinder not to make him do it, but I'm sure he'll survive either way.

Tsk tsk. Doom. And more doom for you.

Think of people in launderettes. And hotels. They get on with it. I'm sure it's not fun, but it's a job that's got to be done. So they do it and don't seem seem to be hugely traumatized (Dot Cotton lasted for years 😂)

Not really since hopefully husbands or partners wouldn't be expected to or asked to handle their Mum or sister's knickers but just the womans knickers they were happily getting into.

But go off I guess 🤷

How would this thread have gone if a dd wasn't wanting to sort her dad and brother's laundry?