Why shouldn’t life be made easier for pregnant women/mothers?

[Duckwithnobill]

Read quite a few threads here lately that have really shown vitriol towards advancements in working conditions, pay and other adaptations that make life easier for pregnant women and women with young children, which is bizarre to say the least on a parenting forum.

A couple of examples being resentment at the increased ability to work from home or more flexibility from employers around attending meetings/commuting in late pregnancy. I’ve seen women that take advantage of these enhancements be labelled as workshy or as the reason women aren’t respected in the workplace. Full disclosure I am pregnant and my employer has been great at accommodating my pregnancy presumably because they want me to return after maternity leave!

Then there’s the whole debate around P&C parking spaces, where some posters seem genuinely angry that there might be small conveniences put in place to make life a little bit easier for parents.

AIBU to find this attitude quite baffling? Surely improvements to the way pregnant women/mothers are treated can only be a good thing? Or should we all just suffer and struggle?

I think some people are of the mindset 'I had to suffer/ manage with X, so no-one else should be able to have it any better'. Don't understand that myself!

I also think some women are under the impression that it reflects badly on women if some request or accept accommodations based on pregnancy or motherhood. I personally think it's better for there to be an understanding that pregnancy and life with young children can be very challenging (depending on circumstances) and that women are not robots, all capable of operating at exactly the same speed, efficiency and under the same conditions throughout pregnancy and motherhood.

I don't think a woman should get special treatment just because she's pregnant or has small children particularly - people have different responsibilities which may well not be child related (eg caring for elderly parents). They shouldn't have less flexibility offered to them because they happen not to have had a child.

I have no view at all on P&C spaces as I don't drive but I think it's right that on buses, for example, wheelchairs should take priority.

I'm afraid I didn't have anything like the negativity from any other demographic apart from older women - pre statutory entitlements age and up.

Especially enlightening to hear comments made about a pregnant colleague in a Teams meeting where they didn't know that I was pregnant too...

Younger, non mum women indifferent. Men a little nervous/deferential or kind/enthusiastic at any age. Mums my age most sympathetic obviously.

Because having children is a lifestyle choice, and I as a childfree person object to being penalised, inconvenienced or taxed more to allow entitled parents to receive yet more special treatment.

Some people’s perspective on change is ‘I didn’t get that so why should anyone else’.

Beyond that… honestly it’s complicated isn’t it.

Offering better conditions is of course far better. I honestly don’t know how I would cope without WFH a couple of days a week for example.

Sone people do take the piss though. And it’s difficult as an employer accommodating the extent of flexible working some want - without it impacting the business.

The only complaints you've read on here about P&C spaces are when people with children equate themselves to people who are disabled.

Pregnancy isn't an illness. Or a race to the bottom. If a pregnant woman needs adjustments in the workplace, fine. Most do not.

Full disclosure: I had a baby. I was pregnant. I wasn't incapable of doing my job.

Usually the push back I see comes when the support is expected to come at the expense of childfree colleagues rather than from the business promoting itself as family friendly.

No one has a problem with pregnant women working from home, provided the childfree colleagues aren’t expected to be present in the office to cover their share. Equally I have no problem with parents with kids having school holidays off- provided I am able to book my holiday as and when I wish too.

I’m childfree and I don’t have any issue with things being made easier for parents or pregnant women. I have an easier life in many ways because of my choices. I keep seeing threads on here worrying about the decline in birth rate. If things were easier maybe more would be inclined to have children?

Parent and child car park spaces - yes, I agree with you.

Flexibility at work - hmm, not sure. I think that if it's the kind of job where you can wfh part of the time, then that should be offered to all employees or none. Other people may have good reasons to prefer wfh, why shouldn't they be able to have the same kind of flexibility?

There seems to be a lot of women who didn’t have that opportunities and seem to resent the following generations for it; probably the same women that don’t celebrate the achievements of their peers.

If you object to reading opinions you disagree with I think it’s you that is on the wrong website, love. 🙄

Because some people don't like anyone "getting on" or having what they can't or didn't have.
I find it baffling, it would be better if we all tried to raise each other up, rather than dragging other women down, but sadly that's just not how some people are built.
They are normally not very happy with their own lives at that moment.

I also think that focusing on adjustments for 'mothers' is not helpful and perpetuates the stereotype that mothers should always be the ones who have to be flexible and accommodate childcare. That's a slightly separate point though.

Agree with you OP - I had HG when pregnant and hospitalised a few times but still have some colleagues grumbling about me being off for 'morning sickness'.

Some people - like a PP - just don't want someone else having something they don't get.

I assume you haven't ever been pregnant, but growing a human inside you leads to a whole host of health conditions that may require special treatment - cardiovascular, muscular, aneamia, vomitting, even your balance is affected. At the very least, pregnant women should be allowed a seat on the train. When I was pregnant, my resting heart rate increased to 130bpm, I had high blood pressure and I was prone to fainting. I also threw up hourly for months. If someone had a health condition with those symptoms I assume you'd be ok with them having reasonable adjustments at work? Many pregnant women experience these symptoms to lesser or greater degrees. And after birth, many women experience health complications that may be ongoing.

Regarding having small children, yes people should have special treatment, for example if their child needs picking up from nursery due to illness then that needs to be done. You can't leave a small child on their own. I agree that people with other, similar caring responsibilities should be afforded this too. It's not one or the other.

I agree OP, and then on other threads there is discussion about why women are having less children than over before.

Because what I found was outright structural hostility within society. To making sure my existence and that of my DC is dedicated to ensuring strangers are not inconvenienced, whether in the workplace, supermarket, maternity wards, public transport and into infinity.

There was a thread the other day where a heavily pregnant woman was asked to travel 4 hours for a meeting and she was mostly told either she should be on maternity leave if she wasn’t up to her job, or that they had worked and commuted up until they gave birth so why wouldn’t she. Not many posters were reasonable in why she wouldn’t want to do that.

Flexibility at work - as long as it is equal for anyone with caring responsibilities or health issues or any other similar need for adjustments

P&C spaces - agree, it should just be for people who need to be able to open a door very wide, that’s all

Adjustments when pregnant - again, depends how your pregnancy go. I was fucked with both of mine and between the constant vomiting and the fainting, frankly it was a choice between long term sick leave and working from home. But that should stand for anyone with an illness really - yes, pregnancy isn’t an illness but quite often it makes your body react as if it is.

You do know we have lots of bereaved mothers? Infertile women?

Shame on you.

It’s called mumsnet.

If you think people who have children are ‘entitled’ and ‘demanding special treatment’ it’s seems a very curious place to spend your time.

Bingo!

@Escapetothewhere The four year old who is currently eating his tea next to me would take issue with the assumption that I've never been pregnant! If a pregnancy is complicated, then yes, that should be accommodated in the way the any other physical health condition should be but that doesn't automatically mean that just because you're pregnant, you should be afforded flexibility that wouldn't be offered to someone with, for example, a chronic health condition (which I also have)

Perhaps it shouldn't be adaptations based on pregnancy status, but rather the symptoms. So if someone is nauseous and wants to work from home they should be able to... whether that person is pregnant or has some kind of other diagnosed condition that causes nausea. Or someone needs more breaks to walk around due to a bad back caused by pregnancy or by another diagnosed condition then they should get them.

As for parent and child spaces, well if they are provided then I'm of the opinion that it should be enforced that only people with children use them! Otherwise just don't have them!

However as a parent of twins the wider spaces were lifesavers when mine were babies in car seats. I don't know how I would have got them out the car without scratching other cars without them. I couldn't park over as needed to get a seat out of each side!