Why shouldn’t life be made easier for pregnant women/mothers?

[Duckwithnobill]

Read quite a few threads here lately that have really shown vitriol towards advancements in working conditions, pay and other adaptations that make life easier for pregnant women and women with young children, which is bizarre to say the least on a parenting forum.

A couple of examples being resentment at the increased ability to work from home or more flexibility from employers around attending meetings/commuting in late pregnancy. I’ve seen women that take advantage of these enhancements be labelled as workshy or as the reason women aren’t respected in the workplace. Full disclosure I am pregnant and my employer has been great at accommodating my pregnancy presumably because they want me to return after maternity leave!

Then there’s the whole debate around P&C parking spaces, where some posters seem genuinely angry that there might be small conveniences put in place to make life a little bit easier for parents.

AIBU to find this attitude quite baffling? Surely improvements to the way pregnant women/mothers are treated can only be a good thing? Or should we all just suffer and struggle?

Yes, I agree but again, I couldn’t get any time off to organise my Dad’s housing even though it was urgent, there are going to be many women in my scenario where they are also predominantly looking after the children- the sandwich generation. This is not argument against dependency leave been given due consideration but IMO my need for being granted that with an elderly parent is not any less just because I have had maternity leave with a different employer in the past. Do I think being pregnant deserves special accommodation, well It is labelled ‘special’ but actually that’s because it is labelled so by the patriarchal workplaces where your usefulness is measured against capitalist norms of output and production. If equality in the workplace really existed, women who were pregnant would not be described as needing ‘special’ treatment and women would be respected for creating life.

But people women who are unable or unwilling to create life shouldn’t be disrespected or treated as inferior beings. And very often that is what happens in the workplace.

I agree but I think we should be looking to make life better for most people. In real practical terms it is hard without doing so at the expense of others and without unlimited money.

Of course they shouldn’t and actually equality in the workplace is about dependency care as well as it most falls to women. It’s because all of this is seen as women’s work, if men were the pregnant ones or predominantly the people that provided unpaid carer roles, flexibility in the workplace would be of greater importance.

My point is though that I don’t think pregnant women are respected given that this is labelled ‘special’ treatment when actually it should just be being treated equally. Equality shouldn’t look like being treated the same as a heterosexual man as this results in our value being about our usefulness at work.

My issue is that it automatically makes the woman the default parent when children have two parents who both should be responsible for them.

Flexibility, WFH etc shouldn’t be just applied to mothers but to fathers as well.

Parent and child spaces should be renamed as I can think of lots of examples where people might need the extra room but wouldn’t qualify for a blue badge. The parents who can’t see that are as bad as the people who moan about not having such spaces when their kids are young.
Before anyone asks P&C are fair game in examples like when disabled spaces are full, a pregnant driver needs to open the door fully and struggles to walk to the shop or a passenger needs space because they are on crutches or something.

Glad you are in a union and that they are starting to notice

Yes like someone i know who has been waiting five years for a knee replacement

But the reason they get those is because of the cost involved with raising children, you don't have those specific costs?

Guess you have no other points to make then. Glad you're seeing sense...

I was working from home during my first pregnancy and was way more productive because of it. I could just have my bucket next to my desk. And, yes, when needed the odd power nap.

If I'd been in the office I would have spent half the days camped out in the toilet, and no power naps so way more unproductive.

Not read the whole thread but I find the attitude to work in general quite baffling - although maybe people are just conditioned to think they are lucky to have a job.

It all has to stop. Businesses need people. They need people with talent - any talent (which may be being able to stack shelves accurately without getting bored, or doing creative work in an ad agency - whatever). People are not lucky to have a job - they are an integral part of the businesses' success. But somehow we've lost that realisation - or maybe we never had it (although I was reading an article recently where the author seemed to think that people were valued better in the 1970s, at least as far as wages were concerned).

So, in my view, they should treat people well. All people. We have all this DE&I nonsense (nonsense because most businesses just pay lip service to it) but actually we just need to treat people fairly, as individuals and not assume everyone is a malingerer. If they are, you deal with them. You don't punish everyone else.

So if a pregnant woman needs time off for appointments, and is a good worker whose contribution you value - you give her the time off without moaning, If a man needs to take his elderly parent to a hospital appointment every week, and is a good worker whose contribution you value - you give him the time off without moaning.

Obviously there are some jobs where you need bums on seats but it still should be possible to accommodate flexible working in most cases.

As for P&C spaces, they should be renamed as a pp said and created as paid for spaces for people with bigger cars.

Non disabled people could also use them if they pay - eg if they have broken their leg and need the space temporarily until their leg heals.

However, I'd prefer it if the actual problem were fixed - the fact that cars are getting bigger and bigger, even the small ones. The government should set size limits. Our roads and car parks are not designed for large cars. I've also noticed lorries getting bigger as well.

Sorry I digress somewhat!

Do I think being pregnant deserves special accommodation, well It is labelled ‘special’ but actually that’s because it is labelled so by the patriarchal workplaces where your usefulness is measured against capitalist norms of output and production. If equality in the workplace really existed, women who were pregnant would not be described as needing ‘special’ treatment and women would be respected for creating life

Yes - it's the toxic trinity of the white, patriarchy along with capitalism.

Flexibility, WFH etc shouldn’t be just applied to mothers but to all regardless of age, gender, childbearing status, car ownership, number of vowels in their name etc etc. FIFY.

I have a long term medical condition. It’s made much better by exercise. I’d like to exercise in the light as a lone female it’s much safer. I’d like to finish early in winter months and log back on later. Not permitted. I tried shifting the whole day earlier as it also meant I’d miss school run traffic but again not permitted. Parents do nursery pick up then log back on and that’s no bother. That’s what people have the gripe with. Respectfully, having a child IS a choice and for those of us where medically that choice has been taken away means we are basically seen as cash cows, by workplaces, by the government, and by other parents, to provide the time, finances etc that they ‘can’t’ as a result of their choices. It’s not a case for us of ‘your time will come’ which is often trotted out, or you are young you must rather have NYE off, where additional flexibility is offered only to parents. I’m not talking about maternity, which is valid time for the health of the mother following birth, nor for medical appointments or if they are genuinely to ill to work during actual pregnancy, I’m talking about the 3yr old with pickup, the 8yr old with sports day, ‘families’ with Christmas, with every bank holiday or other peak holiday (because without children you don’t have a family remember!). Those are not legally protected under maternity yet are often ringfenced by employers as for parents only, and that is what people are pushing back against.

It does make sense. If everyone has flexibility to what is important to them or what they need to do, then people don't care what others are doing.

Child free people still have family, friends, other commitments outside of work that are important to them. If they need to start later or leave early for those reasons, but then told they can't. But then another member of staff is allowed to do so because it's the child's sports day/Christmas play etc then that's when it becomes an issue. It creates a list of acceptable reasons based on people's personal choices and if it's not child related, it's not deemed acceptable, which is unfair and causes frustration.