Why shouldn’t life be made easier for pregnant women/mothers?

[Duckwithnobill]

Read quite a few threads here lately that have really shown vitriol towards advancements in working conditions, pay and other adaptations that make life easier for pregnant women and women with young children, which is bizarre to say the least on a parenting forum.

A couple of examples being resentment at the increased ability to work from home or more flexibility from employers around attending meetings/commuting in late pregnancy. I’ve seen women that take advantage of these enhancements be labelled as workshy or as the reason women aren’t respected in the workplace. Full disclosure I am pregnant and my employer has been great at accommodating my pregnancy presumably because they want me to return after maternity leave!

Then there’s the whole debate around P&C parking spaces, where some posters seem genuinely angry that there might be small conveniences put in place to make life a little bit easier for parents.

AIBU to find this attitude quite baffling? Surely improvements to the way pregnant women/mothers are treated can only be a good thing? Or should we all just suffer and struggle?

I don't. Hence the inverted commas.

Luckily most progressive workplaces are of a different mindset to you.

That's the fault of the employer though

Reminds me of the cops in the late 90’s when part time working first came in. Historically before then, women generally left the job when they had a baby. I was pregnant and asked my inspector if I could go part time and work a 4-midnight instead of a full night shift (my husband worked full shifts too). His response was to say that he and his wife had really struggled when they’d had their kids so why should he make it easy for me. The job has come a long way since then but I never forgot his absolute glee in being as awkward as he could be. I always swore that I’d never be that regressive myself. He was always know as “the twat” by my husband and I.

It’s important to move with the times with our attitudes and actions.

I worked in various roles for over 20 years child free, including retail and hospitality. I never experienced this. Most places got cover and if not everyone chipped in to share the workload, I never felt bitter towards the heavily pregnant woman, or the people taking holidays at term time, why would I I didn’t have kids I didn’t give a hoot when term time was? I also didnt see loads of parents leaving early to go home to their kids. Some had contracts adjusted to suit family life. Nobody was getting anything for “free”.

Often, adjustments to make life easier for parents make life more difficult for others.

A pregnant woman being allowed to WFH when others can't is fine, but someone will often need to compensate for her absence from the office/workplace by dealing with tasks that can't be done remotely.

P&C parking spaces near shop entrances mean those without children and who aren't disabled enough to qualify for a blue badge, but who have mobility issues, need to park further away.

Don't pretend that special favours for parents don't impact on others.

Having children is a lifestyle choice.
I know it is because I choose to have 2.
Work places being flexible to accommodate pregnancy is good.
Everything else is just not that important

I suspect you might understand why pregnant women get special treatment if you actually experienced pregnancy. I could totally see you refusing to give them your seat.

If it's possible to work more flexibly with no detriment to performance or impact on others colleagues, then this should be made available to everyone.

If it does cause a detriment to performance or an impact to other colleagues then it's clear why others may resent it.

No issue with P&C spaces other than they ought to be also available to people who are temporarily immobilised, e.g. passenger has a broken leg.

People are not very socially minded these days - I think some of it is due to so much interaction being online (the irony of my typing this on an online forum isn’t lost on me!). In the years from my first pregnancy until this one, I’ve seen such a huge change in attitudes.

I took my toddler for surgery at a women and children’s hospital recently, and the waiting room was full of men and teenage boys sitting down. I was there, quite visibly pregnant and holding a 1 year old and no one offered me a seat. Ditto at a spa last week. People are just more selfish now and resent putting themself out to help others. Any expectation of help is “entitled”.

it is really sad.

Also as a Pp says - my mother often trots out the line “pregnancy isn’t an illness”, but that’s easy for someone to say if they’ve had an easy pregnancy. Some pregnancies are exceptionally debilitating and can be like an illness, yes. Most people wouldn’t be expected to just get on with things for months on end with violent nausea/vomiting, or with awful pelvic pains etc. it’s a choice, yes, but you don’t know before you’ve tried it how badly it can physically change your life for 9 months.

Because having children is a lifestyle choice, and I as a childfree person object to being penalised, inconvenienced or taxed more to allow entitled parents to receive yet more special treatment

^^

That person who serves you coffee/does your taxes/ delivers groceries is a human you know?? Who was once a child??

So much has changed in the 20 years since I had ds and I think most women are very pleased for the additional benefits mums, and dads, get today and hope flexibility continues for all parents. But this mindset is what causes the eyerolls ~

I think some people are of the mindset 'I had to suffer/ manage with X, so no-one else should be able to have it any better'.

I didn’t feel I “suffered” anything. I had the options and choices available at the time, they were better than mothers before me, I took them and don’t remember anyone constantly bleated on and on and on about “suffering”.

C&P parking space were there 20 years ago and if one was available you used it, if not it was a pain, but you just parked elsewhere even if it was a bit inconvenient and got on with your day, now it is a such a huge drama.

You don't think women should get special treatment?

Well, we certainly don't get that so you must be a happy camper

We should be helping more women be in the workplace, even if that's part time or from home or flexible working. For one reason that's been established, we actually need them and for another, women bring skills and man can only dream about.

You know what's good for the economy? Having people in it and we make those (TBC woman make people). You know what else is good for the economy? Children who are raised in an environment where there needs don't come last to capitalism.

I used to roll my eyes at small children having seats on the tube while adults stood.

Now I have a small child (and am not pregnant) I offer my seat to people with small kids.

Not much effort for me, might make their journey a lot less stressful.

ilcuk.org.uk/ageing-populations-forced-to-increase-state-pension-age-to-71-by-2050-to-maintain-dependency-ratio/
A lifestyle choice maybe, but one that you are likely to benefit from!

This. Also childless and I do everything I can to accommodate mothers eg never take leave in school hols, allow my team to pick kids up from school in working day, detailed hand overs for maternity leave returnees etc. Benefits me and my employer frankly.

Agreed. I have three now adult DC. But I agree with this.

I completely agree with you.

It’s due to the cultural attitude. ‘At home, I wish I had a goat like my neighbour. In England, I wish my neighbour’s goat would die.’

We have a huge problem with falling birth rates as well as devaluing motherhood, treating it as a pointless indulgence, and treating the idea with contempt. When really it should be treated as a difficult and essential job that is necessary for society to function. It’s sad that it is not respected, and that accommodation is not put in place like it is in other countries to make it easier for mothers to thrive, maintain their careers, and participate in society.

No one with the advantages you mentioned is complaining, it’s jealous people wanting everyone to have inflexible working conditions like they do I’m afraid.

And if no woman in our society decides to make this lifestyle choice?

You don't choose to have elderly and frail parents.

If employers are going to accommodate employees ' caring needs, those accommodations should apply to a range of needs .

If it is a lifestyle choice, then isn’t it one we should make as attractive as possible, so that society can continue to function?

A lot of women will seriously weigh up the pros/cons before they get pregnant and especially for the second or subsequent times, we’re not all just giving in to biological urges blind to the financial burden and end to freedom etc. It feels sensible as a society to make having children an easier choice to make, given declining birth rates?

I think we'd manage-people haven't ever stopped having kids long enough to find out what would happen so it's a moot point.

It’s fairly obvious 😂😂😂