Why shouldn’t life be made easier for pregnant women/mothers?

[Duckwithnobill]

Read quite a few threads here lately that have really shown vitriol towards advancements in working conditions, pay and other adaptations that make life easier for pregnant women and women with young children, which is bizarre to say the least on a parenting forum.

A couple of examples being resentment at the increased ability to work from home or more flexibility from employers around attending meetings/commuting in late pregnancy. I’ve seen women that take advantage of these enhancements be labelled as workshy or as the reason women aren’t respected in the workplace. Full disclosure I am pregnant and my employer has been great at accommodating my pregnancy presumably because they want me to return after maternity leave!

Then there’s the whole debate around P&C parking spaces, where some posters seem genuinely angry that there might be small conveniences put in place to make life a little bit easier for parents.

AIBU to find this attitude quite baffling? Surely improvements to the way pregnant women/mothers are treated can only be a good thing? Or should we all just suffer and struggle?

You could get a new job, though?

thats the wrong answer
It would be better if the boss was told by someone how the other staff feel picking up the raw end of the deal - as that is unfair

Why don’t you tell them? Don’t you think that’s a problem with your employer not pregnant women?

Hmm fair enough. Personally I think it depends on the circumstances and shouldn’t be a given 🤷‍♀️

I have told them - they’re not bothered because they’d prefer to be seen as family friendly and to lose the childless women to other employers.

I could get a new job but how would I guarantee the next one wasn’t the same? The employers I worked for have all prioritised parents for leave etc.

It’s not the parents’ fault but I don’t believe anyone would be delighted to be in my position!

Doesn’t necessarily mean they always should though. Often, yes, but not always. I’m thinking, for example, of my friend who had a baby in a pram and was waiting for a bus. They were very busy at that time. There were wheelchair users waiting in the bus queue too. The bus driver told her there was no room and she’d have to wait for the next bus. This happened 3 times until she could actually get on a bus 45 mins later. Why should someone in a wheelchair not wait for the next bus but she should, over and over again? I’m honestly not trying to be antagonistic. I just genuinely think there are grey areas in different circumstances and disability shouldn’t necessarily always be given first priority

👏🏼

I've noticed that as a society we've said 'having children is a lifestyle choice' or 'you shouldn't have them if you can't afford them' - it's only now when women are saying no to having children that people are realising the impact of it. Fewer pension contributions, an aging population, fewer consumers. I hope this will lead to better resources for mothers, (ie healthcare that doesn't put our mental health at risk) but probably not.

If you really don't understand why wheelchair users take precedence I see little point in explaining it to you.

I do indeed - total agree with you @Duckwithnobill

Why should someone in a wheelchair not wait for the next bus but she should, over and over again?

can she walk?

Well - if she’s recently had the baby, no she may not be able to walk very far.

In any case, you usually get the bus because the distance is too far to walk.

@Moglet4 I think it’s complicated with bus use - albeit, in my experience wheelchair users go out of their way to try and fit prams on too (no doubt as they have experienced being unable to travel themselves).

I could barely breathe in the last trimester so yeah and was puking for the first half, if it’s just a bit of flexibility I don’t see the harm. Pregnancy can be pretty hard on the body, it’s not just a woman with a little belly fat. It’s a biological process that can really leaving you feeling battered.

I don’t think it’s great for women if we basically say “ooooh I don’t want to be a bother, yes yes it feels like my pelvis has been crushed, I can’t stand up straight and I threw up on the cat but don’t mind me, I don’t want to make a fuss”.

There is a lot of evidence for poorer healthcare offered to women (most if it stems from the assumption that we are hysterical). It’s mainly convenient to men that we make ourselves as small as possible, don’t make too many demands and don’t create a “fuss”. It’s time limited, it’s not like someones going to be pregnant forever. Whats better, some flexibility or women end having to be signed off sick (I’ve known women who had no other option but to be signed off).

100% agree @Duckwithnobill

Not that distance, no.

I don’t really get this, when I was happily childfree I liked to go on holiday in September. No crowds, cheaper etc, during the summer it was quiet so no-one was bothering me at work and I could clear my desk a bit.

I do get the xmas thing though, but even then it was either just me and my family and then it was me and Dh and we had a few days over xmas and the weekends around it but it never really bothered me, I wasn’t wrapping presents for the masses or trying to make xmas magical 🙄.

Absolutely! I’m not trying to demonise wheelchair users in any way. I guess I’m just thinking aloud.

For those who say flexibility in the workplace should be extended to all, essentially, you don’t think pregnant women/women with young children should be given adaptations.

Pre DC, I probably would have been in the ‘pregnancy isn’t an illness’ camp but after a complicated pregnancy and since developing two chronic health conditions, my outlook has changed entirely and I believe society should band together to support parents, especially women, with children.

It’s not like pregnant women who need flexibility are sitting on a beach sipping a cocktail whilst you are punching in the extra hours, they are probably on their knees with their head in the toilet wondering how they are going to stand up with crippling PGP. Perhaps you think this is part and parcel of your choice to have children, well perhaps your choice not to have children means you might have to send out an extra work report here and there🤷‍♀️. And make no mistake, these additional contributions at work don’t go unnoticed. When it comes to promotion, your efforts will be recognised whilst women with children careers come to a grinding halt.

You have my sympathy, I was eating Zofran like they were sweeties, it’s a special kind of hell, the nausea is the worst. I hope you feel better soon x

Any one whose life is more difficult in any way, be it child care, disability sexuality, gender, poverty, etc - should be given allowances in some way - if possible

I find this to be an odd argument, it isn’t like some pregnant women don’t have elderly parents that are dependent on them to look after them as well as being pregnant!

Disability campaigners campaigned for years for wheelchair spaces on buses. If parents want a dedicated pram space where they take priority then they need to get off their arses and campaign for one not steal the hard won wheelchair space.

YANBU, I find it quite disturbing actually how many people (especially when it’s women) sit rubbing their hands with glee about the thought of making life harder for women. Even if it’s just something small like parent and child parking, so many are determined it should be taken away even when mums with babies say it’s a lifesaver for them.

I think the vast majority of this comes from a horrible place of bitterness of “I didn’t have it that easy so why should you”. When I started in the workplace I endured horrific sexism including being told that I should stop wearing dresses because it ‘makes the older men randy’. It was on me to change how I dress, not on them to change their vile creepy attitudes. I have no doubt sexism still happens but I am SO GLAD this kind of shit would not be said by anyone who doesn’t want to be sacked. I’m so pleased women had much better than I have in many areas of life. Anyone who thinks things shouldn’t get better for women should just sit the fuck down.

Not giving a pregnant woman special treatment is literally sex discrimination. Conditions including pregnancy must be adjusted for in the workplace. Why shouldn’t they?

So they can walk & how far is the distance they can walk?

Pregnancy isn't an illness.

Oh yawn.

Many women are very ill as a result of pregnancy. HTH