Man in ladies’ loo

[Suburbanrunner]

I was out running earlier today and stopped to go to the loo in a local park. A man came in at the same time with his young daughter and went into the cubicle next to me. As she went to the loo the father and daughter talked through all the steps they were taking and also commented on me ie is that lady also doing a wee, is she wiping her bum etc. I felt a bit uncomfortable and thought I’d wait for them to leave. However the father then proceeded to say that as they were there he was going to have a wee too. At this point I couldn’t take any more and said could you not do that, please can you go in the men’s. He got pretty aggressive saying what else was he meant to do as he had his young daughter with him. I felt so uncomfortable at this stage that I left (without going to the loo!)
Now I’m questioning myself - aibu to be annoyed he was in the loos? Or was he perfectly within his rights to bring his daughter into the women’s loos and also use them himself?
thank you mumsnet jury!

Yes is it is the case, which is also why women aren’t allowed in the mens changing rooms at leisure centres etc.

Yeah, women are not welcome, and we most definitely make a fuss when they come in.

@BIossomtoes ‘Family-friendly’ loos! Teenage girls dealing with sanitary products whilst some big bloke is hanging round? How would that work? Why have women got to feel so vulnerable?? Why is it ok all of a sudden to go where you like when you like and get arsey when challenged? Tell me when the world changed cos I must’ve missed it.

i wasn’t talking about changing rooms. This thread’s about loos.

I'm pretty sure the girl of unknown age was the one making comments

And he was telling HER he was going for a wee not telling the world

But we'll never know because OP won't return

They've done their bit by making an inflammatory post and left it all to burn

Neither was I. I’m talking about public toilets

I wasn’t talking to you. I addressed @Simonjt’s post.

Family friendly loos would be single, fully equipped cubicles enclosed away from each other.

Men should in fact be aware of periods and what they entail but they're still more likely to be the squeamish one if periods come up

And, I don't know about you, but I change my period pads in the cubicle. It doesn't matter who is around (although for some they are uncomfortable enough doing it around other women too. But this is boarding on a whole other period debate)

My dad took me into the men’s. He carried me into a stall and told me to close my eyes until we got there. Never any issues.

I’m still wondering why people get upset about a 9 year old boy being in there with his mum, or an older boy with disabilities. People on here get REALLY worked up about it.
And then all of a sudden they’re fine with a man. A male is a male, right?

I personally wouldn’t mind if a man came in (quietly!) with his daughter. I mean it’s not ideal and I’d rather him not be there, but I would be ok if he’s quiet. But I also wouldn’t mind a mum coming in with her son either. A mum with her son is far less worse. I think there should be more understanding about mums with sons but sadly there isn’t, which is why I find this thread a bit frustrating to read.

One minute people are hating on a 9 year old boy and his mum, and the next people are totally cool with a man being in there. It does end up making it all sound like a bit of a joke really.

It's the old expecting women to budge up and be kind. If everyone just used the toilet they were supposed to (by sex) it would be easy.

Man with child - uses the mens
Woman with child (boy up to 8 yrs) - womens
Parent with child with disabilities - disabled

If the mens toilets are deemed to be a problem then MEN need to sort this out. Don't make it my problem.

The man going into the womens was wrong - he should have take her into the mens and used his own toilet. I would also have said something.

🙄

I can well believe it. We’ve had a spate of youngish men using women’s public toilets and staying in there just to intimidate women. I can only presume these young men watch and admire certain YouTubers

He wasn't commenting on OP, his daughter was

Well, it's not really clear from the OP. Adults have a magic power though. They can tell small children not to comment on other people when the conversation turns inappropriate.

Well done challenging him. He definitely should not have been in there. He is teaching his DD that her boundaries and those of other women and girls don't matter.

Do rapists and sex offenders normally indulge in their crimes with children in tow?

Women don’t want men in their spaces because they are intimidated.

When this man was challenged he had 2 options, he could have been really apologetic and said he was out without another adult and didn’t know what else he could do, but he was terribly sorry for making someone uncomfortable; OR he could react aggressively. The fact he chose to react aggressively proves he should not be in a women’s space.

I wouldn’t, but it’s up to you really.

Yep. That’s it. Entitlement. Why not just say oh sorry. Why not shut the kid up. All wrong

One, consent is not transferable, just because you think it's ok other women don't.

Two, agree we need better solutions but in the meantime it's fine for boys who are under 8 to go with their mums in the bathroom for example but after that they should go in the mens. Same applies other way round.

What are the chances of all of this actually happening?

We have a situation here that’s been whipped up no end in the media for political gains, and lo and behold, anything that could go wrong, did go wrong?

It just would not fit the narrative for OP to have posted “was using the public toilets today and a man brought his small daughter into a cubicle, it made absolutely no difference to my toileting experience whatsoever”, so every possible negative has been added to the story; some aggression, some father/daughter chat about the woman’s toilet habits and the man having the audacity not only to pee but to announce that he was going to do it.

Bullshit.

You don’t get out much then.

I absolutely disagree that it's fair to subject a little girl to a men's public toilet.

Yeah because taking my kids to the toilet when they need to go is so wrong. I think it may be you who is doing something wrong.

Why @thepastinsidethepresent ? All the father needs to do is use a cubicle in the mens and if required shield the child's eyes.

I don't want men in my toilets and neither do many many women. The problem is that women's boundaries are being trampled over more and more.