Man in ladies’ loo

[Suburbanrunner]

I was out running earlier today and stopped to go to the loo in a local park. A man came in at the same time with his young daughter and went into the cubicle next to me. As she went to the loo the father and daughter talked through all the steps they were taking and also commented on me ie is that lady also doing a wee, is she wiping her bum etc. I felt a bit uncomfortable and thought I’d wait for them to leave. However the father then proceeded to say that as they were there he was going to have a wee too. At this point I couldn’t take any more and said could you not do that, please can you go in the men’s. He got pretty aggressive saying what else was he meant to do as he had his young daughter with him. I felt so uncomfortable at this stage that I left (without going to the loo!)
Now I’m questioning myself - aibu to be annoyed he was in the loos? Or was he perfectly within his rights to bring his daughter into the women’s loos and also use them himself?
thank you mumsnet jury!

He could have carried her into men's into cubicle. He could have faced her into his chest so not looking at urinals. No excuses for making woman feel like they can't use their own facilities because a man is in there especially giving a running commentary on OP and what she might be doing in the loo. This man sounds awful to me. I've been going into the ladies before with my DD and a man has asked if I could keep an eye on his DD of about 6 and not let her lock the door. I didn't mind at all. Far better that than having him in the ladies.

Having a child with you isn't a magic reassurance that the man has no interest in what's going on in the other cubicle. Men have done awful things with their children in the vicinity.
That's assuming the only problem is the thread of danger - people are also entitled to their privacy and dignity.

I can see why he went into the ladies, but he really wore out his welcome commenting on the op. He should have said quietly we don’t talk about others weeing in shared bathrooms darling, it’s rude. Then the op might not have been so annoyed and told him to get out when he said he was going to go too. He is entitled.

If he had waited until the child was ready to burst to take her, he could have asked OP if she minded if they went in first: there's always an alternative to discussing other people's bums with your kids.
Oh and funny how millions of women manage to not let their DCs piss themselves without needing to use the men's loos - even though women's facilities are usually busier. You must be doing something wrong.

Actually it would be his daughters problem... clearly not girls you are concerned for protecting then 🙄

I would have no problem with a dad using the ladies - mens toilets are too dirty for small kids and men pee out in the open. Women’s toilets have private cubicles so as long as he leaves the seat down afterwards and doesn’t miss the toilet I don’t see a problem. I find it weird that people are so precious about a place we go to wee! Surely it’s the fault of the venue for not providing adequate facilities for parents with kids.

@Overthebow ..yup-is neither the girl,(s)the dad(s) nor the womens faults there is no provision. five men that care about their daughters needs.so what? And when your dd is older seeing a dad accompany his child to the touilet still isnt sinister. and at preteen?you be hope could "manage basic toilet needs byself"pretty sure ANY dad is "period aware"cos her mum proli missed em for 9mths...i never said it= a spectator sport and everybody had to leave doors open

So when I'm out with my DS, I should take him to the men's toilets?

I don’t think it’s ever been, or ever will be, a regular occurrence.

If you want

Id rather that than think of a young girl being taken into adult male toilets

When my DDs were too young to use the loo alone they went with their dad or DP into the men’s. It is possible to whisk them to the cubicle (there has always been one). They certainly aren’t damaged from the experience. This isn’t even a question that we should be asking. I repeat it is not ok for men to be in the ladies’ loos. Think of your teen daughter having a messy period and having to wash her hands in front of him, of feeling threatened by him commenting on what she’s doing. Men’s loos being disgusting is no excuse, quite often women’s loos are too, and the majority of men don’t whip everything out to pee so quite possible to take the child in to the cubicle without seeing anything untoward.

Well done on asking him to leave OP, I am quite outspoken but I think I would have been too uncomfortable and felt too vulnerable to do myself.

So it’s OK for a little girl to be exposed to all sorts in the men’s loo? No way. I’d far rather we let fathers bring their daughters into the ladies’. The sooner we move to family friendly loos the better.

Time this country invested in family toilets. The fact is this countries public facilities are dire.

What do you think actually goes on in men’s toilets? And why is it okay for small boys to be exposed to whatever it is but not small girls?

@JaffaCake70 oh behave! uncomfortable with a couple sorting their baby out together 😂 sometimes it really is a two man job if it's been an explosive one and one needs to hold baby's hands while the other is sorting the nappy... Ive been there! It hardly like he was paying anyone any attention in the loo was it 🙄 common sense needed here. If a man is in the ladies loo sans children then yes, creepy weirdo. Man in toilet with baby/small child , not creepy, just parenting.

How do you mean? What's the difference between the disgusting men in the men's toilets and the family friendly men in the family friendly toilets?

Or the family friendly men in the ladies?

The majority of rapists and sex offenders are also parents. If your concern is safety then the man having a child with him really means fuck all (despite all the stereotypes about weird loners). Either it’s single sex for a reason or all toilets are unisex. But a man having a kid doesn’t make him “safe”.

Same reason as you think it’s not OK for women to be exposed to men in loos. If you really can’t see the utter lack of logic in expecting a tiny girl to go into an environment you consider inappropriate for a grown woman there’s frankly no hope for you. At what age does “vulnerability” kick in and why do you think little girls are exempt from it?

Ffs- no! The accessible toilets are for disabled people not able bodied people who could perfectly well use the normal toilets.

When a little girl is taken into the men's toilets by her father, she is accompanied and therefore has some protection.

When a man goes into the women's toilets, women and young girls who expected to be in a single sex space have had that removed without warning.

The women aren’t allowed in as it would be innapropriate for boys over about eight to be subjected to women in their toilets. The womens toilets aren’t an appropriate environment for a man, so using your logic no tiny boy should be in a womens toilets as they’re innapropriate for men.

Yes this ^ This twat blithely strolled in with his kid giving zero fucks for any woman who might be in there. He then proceeded to give a running commentary which was completely odd and unnerving. Cheeky fuck

The women aren’t allowed in as it would be innapropriate for boys over about eight to be subjected to women in their toilets

That’s not the case, is it? Men don’t make a fuss about “inappropriate use” of their loos. It’s an exclusively female sport. As I said, the sooner we replace single sex loos with family friendly ones the better.