Man in ladies’ loo

[Suburbanrunner]

I was out running earlier today and stopped to go to the loo in a local park. A man came in at the same time with his young daughter and went into the cubicle next to me. As she went to the loo the father and daughter talked through all the steps they were taking and also commented on me ie is that lady also doing a wee, is she wiping her bum etc. I felt a bit uncomfortable and thought I’d wait for them to leave. However the father then proceeded to say that as they were there he was going to have a wee too. At this point I couldn’t take any more and said could you not do that, please can you go in the men’s. He got pretty aggressive saying what else was he meant to do as he had his young daughter with him. I felt so uncomfortable at this stage that I left (without going to the loo!)
Now I’m questioning myself - aibu to be annoyed he was in the loos? Or was he perfectly within his rights to bring his daughter into the women’s loos and also use them himself?
thank you mumsnet jury!

I mean, what exactly is the threat here? He’s with his child. He’s teaching her how to use the toilet..

Here's your grip.

Unless you can provide some sort of evidence that 'dad taking his daughter for a pee' highly correlates to 'violent murderer of women' then you're talking hysterical crap.

soooo many snowflakes on this thread, the professionally offended. a small child needed the toilet, and he probably didn't want to walk her past several willys hanging out at the urinal (obviously!!) so thought taking her into the female, cleaner and more private bathroom the better option. Dad + child, in a stall , complete privacy for everyone in the other stalls. what on earth does it matter if he needed the toilet too , he was already in the stall with the door closed!! goodness me. people need to care about something other than someone urinating in a toilet behind a closed door. I'm not surprised he was annoyed you were clearly listening to their conversation and involving yourself where not needed.

This is just another covert trans bait thread. The same as the "12-year-old boy in the girls' changing rooms at swimming" crap.

you DO not take a wee girl in the gents.

Me neither. Most people weren’t, until a few trans people were going to get some basic rights. Rights which make no difference whatsoever to who uses what toilets or who accesses safe spaces, but here we are.

Just a difference to some women who don't want to share their spaces with biological men but fuck them eh. FYI trans people have the same rights as anyone else. It's the infringement on other's rights and spaces they have no place being due to their sex that's the problem for many. But here we are.

Is it fine to take a small boy into the gents? Or should the dad and boy come in the ladies for that too? I mean what is it you think actually goes on in male toilets? You do realise that men’s toilets at eg soft play or wherever else are not hotspots for cottaging right? And if you think it’s inappropriate for a small girl to be in there, why not equally inappropriate for a small boy?
As I said upthread my DP always takes both his son and daughter to the men’s as he’s a single dad. He wouldn’t dream of marching into the ladies with them. If I’m out with them I will take his DD as she prefers going to the ladies. If all men thought like the one in the OP, toilets would genuinely be unisex. Or rather there would be men’s toilets and mixed toilets.
Also men at urinals (and there aren’t always urinals anyway) do not routinely flash their genitals at small children.

The thing is, we WANT dads to be hands-on with their kids, to take them on days out or to the park for a few hours without their mum having to be there. But public toilet design hasn't caught up with the idea of dads having childcare responsibilities. I can think of 2 parks near me that only have baby change tables in the women's. So when DH takes the kids there, if 1yo DD does a poo he has no option but to take her in the women's.

Personally he should have announced himself entering, checking if anyone was in there and if so where they ok with him entering. If they were not he should have waited until they left then took his child in and stood in the doorway whilst his child went so people entering knew he was there. When I was little my dad would always ask a lady taking her own child in if she would mind taking me in.

As she went to the loo the father and daughter talked through all the steps they were taking and also commented on me ie is that lady also doing a wee, is she wiping her bum etc.

Who was saying all of that?
Because if it was the father then he sounds like a complete pervert.

You DO not go into the ladies toilets if you’re a man.

It's interesting that posters think that if men do their share of parenting, women have to pay by surrendering single sex spaces to facilitate them, making the women's facilities family facilities and leaving the men's single sex.

This particular instance of a man was very strange. Seems like he had zero expectation that he would be in the ladies under sufferance and commenting on a stranger using the toilet is bizarre behaviour. If there's a man who could be endured in the women's toilets, he's definitely not it.

The only man it is safe to have in the women's toilet is the sort of man who would never dream of going into the women's toilet.

Of course you do. Every dad I know has done this. As another poster said, if small boys can go in the men's with their dads, so can small girls.

I've stood shoulder to shoulder at urinals with probably a thousand blokes, and even from that closer vantage point I've never once looked at another penis. The idea that a kid walking through while men have their backs turned could somehow be confronted with a jungle of junk just doesn't match reality.

He should have taken her to the gent's.

Why are there separate men’s and ladies toilets then? Why not make them all unisex? If there’s no need to keep single sex spaces separate then get rid of them. I think they are needed though.

Where I live, male cleaners wait outside asking the women that are leaving if they’re the last lady in the ladies. Then they put up a Closed sign, while they clean. And after that, the loo
gets used as it was.
I don’t think I’ve ever seen a male cleaner in the ladies whilst I’m in there.

Happens here
They don't close the toilets off so you might well walk in and find a man cleaning the toilets

Or they stick their head in and call out to see if anyone is in there

And frankly some of you need to take a long, hard look at yourselves.

Don't want men to bring their daughters into the ladies because that man is obviously a threat but it's ok to take a small girl into a room full of men with their genitals out (and people have spoke of how they were traumatised at a young age by being in the mens)

Can't have single toilet, unisex facilities because men might wee on the seat whereas women are dainty creatures who never get wee or period blood on the seat.

You have a problem with MEN in general

I don’t have a problem with MEN

i have a problem with MEN in the ladies bogs (unless they are cleaning them in which case there is usually a sign so women can make an informed decision)

Well yeah, as a demographic group, I do think men need to get their act together, frankly.

I think single sex spaces need to be protected and kept as single sex for many reasons.

If some of us women have a problem with MEN in general then it's not because we need to take a long, hard look at ourselves. It's because there are lots of shitty and dangerous men out there.

Oh, let's imagine the outrage on here if a woman posted saying 'a man asked me to take his child into a public toilet'.

The laws relating to toilets hasn’t changed though, so why does it matter so much now?