Partner not waking me up

[Roadtrippingroundgreece]

I struggle to wake up in the mornings. It's partly genetic, I naturally need more sleep than average. I also suffer with disturbed sleep due to sleepwalking and nightmares, struggle to fall asleep, and I have bad tinnitus and hearing loss in one ear so can sleep through alarms.

My partner is the complete opposite falls asleep as soon as his head hits the pillow, sleeps straight through, snores (which also wakes me up), and doesn't find it hard to get up in the morning. Before I met him, he did have a tendency to stay awake even when very tired, and I have encouraged him to go to sleep so that he is rested.

My issue is that there have been a few occasions when I am not awake when I need to be..e.g for work and my partner has let me carry on sleeping “because I look cute” even though we actively discuss the times we both need to be up the night before and set alarms. I don’t expect him to wake up first if he is asleep, but if he is actively awake I have asked him to please wake me if he is awake and not let me carry on sleeping, but he doesn't listen. Today I had a gym class, he was going for a run, we discussed timing and he set his phone alarm (rather than the Alexa which is loud and wakes us both up). Fast forward to this morning, to him waking me up 30 minutes before my gym class where he is showered and left me sleeping again “because I look cute”. He then has toast and coffee and goes on his run (which has been pushed back) and I have missed the gym class. AIBU to be really annoyed? I know that I am an adult and should wake up but it's something I really struggle with, it just honestly seems a bit selfish that he would have plenty of time to get himself ready, eat breakfast etc. and then wake me up 30 minutes before I need to be there because “he finds it hard to wake me up”.

I will caveat by saying that I have a very good, flexible job and I work hard. In my younger days and during education it was a real struggle, but I am not lazy. I also manage all the household finances which is a burden but I am better in that area, I have good savings, am tidy and generally organise our life so I feel like a little bit of support in this area would be appreciated. AIBU???

Depends what OP's hearing loss is on the scale. For example I have moderate to severe loss which has progressively got worse. You know when you have a power cut and you hear everyone's house alarms go off? I actually can't unless it's a certain decibel or a couple of houses around us. Likewise pumping stations or wind turbines I can't hear those either as the drone is too low pitched. Yet my husband snoring next to me can easily wake me up, bizarre huh!

My DH sleeps through his alarm every day and I whack him awake

I think you need to get yourself a proper sleep routine, go to bed at the same time and wake up at the same time then you naturally will sleep better and wake up better without an alarm.
My nephew always used to say he didn't hear his alarm but funnily since my sister died he's woken up fine. Have you always lived with someone?
How does his snoring wake you if am alarm doesn't?
Saying you need him to get to sleep sounds very needy.

Thank you for the explanation @Gingernurt88

Just set the alexa regardless to what you have agreed. You already know he isn't going to wake you up

I didn't believe it myself and actually just thought I was maybe being ignorant or flippant with my husbands snoring. It was only when the audiologist pointed to each frequency and said what you'd usually hear at each one that it twigged. I've lost hearing at both ends of high and low with a bit of dulling in the middle. I'm a bit of a nerd about it apologies.

If you go on the Action For Hearing Loss website you will find lots of alarms designed for deaf people that vibrate.

Hopefully one of those will help.

I completely understand what you’re saying though - you trusted him to do something and he chose not to do it. I would’ve been annoyed too.

Get an alarm clock with a vibrating pad which goes under your pillow. Can get them on Amazon for 20 ish quid.

I don't know if it is genetic but it is true some people need more sleep than others. Perhaps it is like a lot of other conditions for which medical science still doesn't not have clarity about the causes.

https://sleepeducation.org/sleep-disorders/long-sleeper/

https://www.medicalnewstoday.com/articles/320349

Satisfied now?

Then leave the man child he it is that unattractive to you. Clearly you don't like him.

Get an alarm clock that vibrates and put the vibrating pad under your pillow. I'm mainly deaf now and that wakes me up no issues!

You said it yourself, you're an adult. What would you do if you were single? Get a smart watch that vibrates on your wrist if you struggle to hear the alarm. There are many products available, have a Google and take control of your own issue. It isn't your partners fault you're behaving like a child.

It's interesting @Gingernurt88 don't apologise

Set your own alarm. You're not a child

YANBU
My DH would help me out if I struggled with something like this. He cares about me and would want to help. Would he find it annoying that I can't wake myself up? Yes. But he'd still help me out if he knew it was something I'd explained was an issue for me. It's working together and just generally working as a team.
Some of the responses on here such as 'you're an adult, wake yourself up etc ' 🥱 you've already explained the background as to why you struggle. Ignore them.

My husband cares about me, but he doesn't like to behave like a father to me! He is my partner, not my carer.

And she’s also explained that she knows the alarm on the Alexa wakes her up, so posters are just pointing out that there’s a very simple solution to her difficulties within her control, and she doesn’t need to draft her husband in to manage this for her.

*I genuinely sleep through them as I don’t hear them if they are not loud enough. *

So you set a loud enough alarm or Alexa.

If it's important for you to be up but can't be bothered to set the right alarm, why would he when it's clearly not important to him?

If you want something done properly, do it yourself. He's proven he doesn't value your requests enough times for you to believe him.

Although I do agree that it's ultimately your responsibility, I do think he should wake you up if he's awake anyway and knows you're supposed to be getting up at the same time!

OMG this post could have been written by me! I am a total insomniac, DH asleep as soon as head hits the pillow. In the morning I set 3 alarms and often sleep through them all. If I do ask other half to make sure he wakes me up for work he often he doesn't. I feel for you, it is so hard to function when you don't and can't sleep, I totally get it. I have seen my GP and been prescribed medication to help me sleep and it does help but I can't take it because I cannot wake up at all the next day. Partner gets really stroppy if I can't get up early at the weekend so I do and then I feel groggy all day. I wish I had the answer but I don't, it is so hard and I really feel for you. Those criticising have no understanding of the issue.

Why doesn't your partner want to wake you up?

Because you'd have to be moron to think it was because "you look cute". Seriously he could take a photo with his phone and prod you.

For some unfathomable (at present) reason he does not want to wake you.

And if Alexa wakes you both up because it is so loud - why the freak is that not your alarm call every time. You've already found the solution.

So you both sound weird.

Or it's not really about him not waking you.

Is it he doesn't recognise your disability?

He knows Alexa will wake you, which you refuse in order for him to wake you, but he doesn't want to play into the game because you're perfectly capable of managing your own life?

You find it annoying that your DP doesn’t wake you and it sounds like your DP is annoyed at having to wake you. The solution is to set your own alarm and maybe go to bed earlier. Some partners sleep separately. If his snoring wakes you, sleep in your own room and use Alexa to get yourself up!

You can buy a pillow alarm on Amazon for just over £20. The vibrating part goes under your pillow and you can set it at a level that suits you. He is a plonker for not waking you, especially saying you looked cute when sleeping, when he knows you need to be up for work, so take things into your own control and don't rely on him.

🙄🙄🙄🙄