Partner not waking me up

[Roadtrippingroundgreece]

I struggle to wake up in the mornings. It's partly genetic, I naturally need more sleep than average. I also suffer with disturbed sleep due to sleepwalking and nightmares, struggle to fall asleep, and I have bad tinnitus and hearing loss in one ear so can sleep through alarms.

My partner is the complete opposite falls asleep as soon as his head hits the pillow, sleeps straight through, snores (which also wakes me up), and doesn't find it hard to get up in the morning. Before I met him, he did have a tendency to stay awake even when very tired, and I have encouraged him to go to sleep so that he is rested.

My issue is that there have been a few occasions when I am not awake when I need to be..e.g for work and my partner has let me carry on sleeping “because I look cute” even though we actively discuss the times we both need to be up the night before and set alarms. I don’t expect him to wake up first if he is asleep, but if he is actively awake I have asked him to please wake me if he is awake and not let me carry on sleeping, but he doesn't listen. Today I had a gym class, he was going for a run, we discussed timing and he set his phone alarm (rather than the Alexa which is loud and wakes us both up). Fast forward to this morning, to him waking me up 30 minutes before my gym class where he is showered and left me sleeping again “because I look cute”. He then has toast and coffee and goes on his run (which has been pushed back) and I have missed the gym class. AIBU to be really annoyed? I know that I am an adult and should wake up but it's something I really struggle with, it just honestly seems a bit selfish that he would have plenty of time to get himself ready, eat breakfast etc. and then wake me up 30 minutes before I need to be there because “he finds it hard to wake me up”.

I will caveat by saying that I have a very good, flexible job and I work hard. In my younger days and during education it was a real struggle, but I am not lazy. I also manage all the household finances which is a burden but I am better in that area, I have good savings, am tidy and generally organise our life so I feel like a little bit of support in this area would be appreciated. AIBU???

Buy a loud alarm clock. Fuck me how difficult is that.

Wow - all those years I've struggled to wake up in the morning but I've never tried that! Thank you, I think you've cracked it.

And that's fine. It is. However you find a way to make it work. You don't refuse to go to bed because 'you can't sleep without your partner' and then expect him to get you up as well. You cant make another adult completely responsible for your sleep and then blame your genes. There is an element of taking responsibility.

@Roadtrippingroundgreece you mentioned you have nightmares and sleepwalking making you more tired. Have you checked any medication you are on for side effects?
Montelukast/singular the asthma medication can cause sleep disturbances, nightmares, night terrors, sleep walking etc.
Also if you have sleep apnea that should be discussed with your doctor as that can make you very tired, and is treatable.

Well you can't trust him to wake you - he has proven that. So set Alexa every night so you're assured of waking up yourself. His alarm is for him only and he can't be trusted to wake you. Take control back, be responsible for yourself...end of issue. (I hope)

My DD has CFS and she really struggles to get up too, so I empathise @Roadtrippingroundgreece

I admit I'd be aggrieved too if my partner didn't get me up when I had agreed with them that they need to wake me up, so UANBU to feel like that or expect your DP to do as agreed.

I think you need to take control of Alexa if she can wake you up because your DP is unreliable.

Glad everything else is good in your life x

Get a vibrating alarm clock that goes around your wrist. No excuse for not hearing the alarm

https://www.connevans.co.uk/catalogue/172/Alarm-clocks?gad_source=1

Alarm clocks for people with a hearing loss

Funny how the wrist or under pillow vibrating alarm suggestions have gone unanswered by OP and pp who have similar issues.

Guess they wouldn't have an excuse then as always easier to blame someone else.....

I have a sister with waking up issues, but never misses a plane for a holiday trip, no matter how early.

Use as many vibrating alarms as it takes. It is in your control.

This

It's true that from now on she should not rely on her partner in any way to ensure she is up for work etc. no matter what he promises, you can't trust him.

But that is also sad. I'd always wake up my partner if he had over slept and had mentioned something he wanted to do -now if he is ill /wants to sleep and says "I can miss that" I let him (assuming not affecting me!) but I ensure he knows the time. As we are partners.

How's it unanswered? OP literally said:

Taking on board we are both unreasonable and will be getting a vibrating alarm and also asking him to stop saying I am “cute”!

OP clearly has a sleep disorder. I recognise this because my son has exactly these issues plus hypnogogia. It's petty and unsupportive of her partner not to help if he is awake. My husband is diabetic and I don't refuse to help him if I spot he is going hypo before he does.

Thanks, missed that.

Wow - all those years I've struggled to wake up in the morning but I've never tried that! Thank you, I think you've cracked it

Woopee fucking doo.

Perhaps tell OP then.

Waking up gasping for breath is a symptom of sleep apnoea. It is more common in people who are overweight but there are other perfectly healthy weight people who have it.
I know a few people who got a smart watch which happened to test oxygen overnight and this alerted them to the fact something was wrong. They then went on to be formally tested and diagnosed with obstructive sleep apnoea.

It’s worth asking your GP if you’d be eligible for referral to a sleep clinic or even if they can refer directly for a sleep study.

I sleep badly and struggle to wake up in the morning. I can also turn off alarms without waking up which is incredibly annoying, so I feel for OP.

I've just got a smart watch so I'll give that a try, though I don't know if I'll be able to sleep wearing it - hope I can as I'd like to see what it detects.

Omg, this is a really hard situation. I had a similar experience in the past, I was always trying to wake up my ex partner, and it could take up to 30 minutes, it was extremely frustrating, I was always late for trying to wake him up.
But I imagine it must be hard on your side if you cannot really do anything about it.

I would find a good alarm and try to wake up myself, and ask for help sometimes or if everything else failed, but it's first my responsibility to wake up.

' cute ' !

kittens are cute
puppies are cute
toddlers can be cute

you are an adult
asleep
when you needed to be up at a certain time

that is not cute !

and even worse he ' chilled ' for 15 mins, whilst you ' looked cute '

ensure you always take responsibility for you own alarm

he is clearly not to be relied upon

Get a deaf alarm, you won't sleep through that. Its your responsibility to get yourself up, no matter what his reason it, its still on you

Just get a loud alarm clock ffs. Issue done with

what could be the reason?