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Original poster

Husband embarrassed when I felt unwell

586 replies

OneBrightCrow · 05/04/2024 11:18

My husband and I were at the wedding of one of his uni friends on Wednesday. It was a great day however I came over unwell during the speeches, probably due to not having enough to eat before a couple of Proseccos. I was not drunk at all, but came over pale, felt clammy and like I was going to collapse. I didn’t want to cause a fuss by getting up and leaving, but felt so awful that I put my head down on the table. I understand that this could have looked rude but I’m pretty sure the other tables did not notice, and everyone on our table could see that something wasn’t right.

Despite asking my husband to just leave me be for a few minutes, he persisted in trying to get me to leave the room, but his persistence was really not helping, and I tried explaining that if I stood up I was afraid I would collapse or be sick, and I absolutely did not want that to happen.

He wouldn’t let it go so eventually I managed to stand up and sat outside for a bit until I felt better; but I wasn’t quite right for the rest of the day. I chose not to drink any more, but even after multiple glasses of water I was struggling with the noisy room and drunk people getting a bit close for comfort. We found a quiet room with a sofa where I sat for a while, and he asked if I wanted to leave. I said no but we argued when I tried encouraging him to rejoin the party so that he could see his uni friends that he rarely gets to see, including his best friend who had come just for the evening reception; but he kept saying we should be there as a couple.

He got a bit arsey, questioning how I was feeling and saying that he has never known me to “do this” as though I was choosing to behave this way. I said I felt very pressured by him, and was hurt that he had been more concerned about how I was appearing to other people than whether I was OK!

He eventually stormed off and returned about half an hour where we argued again, so I just grit my teeth and rejoined the party even though I still felt unwell.

It’s left me feeling quite hurt about it, and even when I tried talking to him about it (thinking that now he’s sober he would be a bit apologetic) he maintains that putting my head on the table was rude and we would have to agree to disagree.

Am I being unreasonable in feeling hurt??

OP posts:
Thread gallery
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Sapphire387 · 05/04/2024 11:21

I can see why you feel hurt. It's not just about the head on table - he sounds like he didn't actually believe you were feeling unwell. There seems to be an element of treating you as an accessory - 'we need to present ourselves well as a couple'.

I do think you should have tried to leave the room rather than put your head on the table... or perhaps leaned on him instead? But it's not a big deal. I hope you are feeling better now.

Singleandproud · 05/04/2024 11:22

Putting your head on the table was odd compared to stealthily excusing yourselves and going to the bathroom.

Flivequacle · 05/04/2024 11:22

Is he always such a twat?

Or do you have frequent previous for this behaviour?

Lyra87 · 05/04/2024 11:23

Definitely nbu. You weren't asking to leave or making a fuss, you told him to rejoin his friends so he had no reason to be annoyed. Not great behaviour on his part.

TheSnowyOwl · 05/04/2024 11:24

He probably felt that you had embarrassed him by getting drunk in front of your friends. Whilst you say you were drunk, you do blame on it on drinking on an empty stomach.

Original poster
OneBrightCrow · 05/04/2024 11:26

Singleandproud · 05/04/2024 11:22

Putting your head on the table was odd compared to stealthily excusing yourselves and going to the bathroom.

Edited

I agree it would look odd and In hindsight I wish I’d left when I first felt unwell, but I didn’t want to miss the speeches and thought it would pass after a minute or so…. But I just started to feel worse to the point that I was worried about getting up.

OP posts:
acatcalledjohn · 05/04/2024 11:26

Singleandproud · 05/04/2024 11:22

Putting your head on the table was odd compared to stealthily excusing yourselves and going to the bathroom.

Edited

The OP clearly suggests that stealth wasn't guaranteed, with a risk of collapse.

That would have been far more disruptive.

OP, your "D"P was a dick.

DustyLee123 · 05/04/2024 11:28

Putting your head on the table is rude, you should have left immediately.
I can see why he is embarrassed.

KezzaMucklowe · 05/04/2024 11:29

putting Your head down on a table because your r had too much Prosecco on an empty stomach at a wedding is a bit off tbh.
He possibly didn’t want to leave you because you said that you felt like passing out / being sick.

Citrusandginger · 05/04/2024 11:29

If the situation were reversed; it was your friend's wedding, your DH had drunk too much on an empty stomach and put his head on the table at dinner, would you honestly be OK with it?

Screamingabdabz · 05/04/2024 11:31

I would’ve been embarrassed by this too. Not saying it’s your fault, or that your DH was reasonable. He was a dick and it’s indefensible. But yes, in front of friends on a wedding day I would be irrationally annoyed to be saddled with a fainter who couldn’t handle a couple of prossecos.

Cantrushart · 05/04/2024 11:31

Yeah, bit of a dramatic thing to do during the speeches. I'd be insisting on helping you to leave the room ASP.

skippy67 · 05/04/2024 11:32

Screamingabdabz · 05/04/2024 11:31

I would’ve been embarrassed by this too. Not saying it’s your fault, or that your DH was reasonable. He was a dick and it’s indefensible. But yes, in front of friends on a wedding day I would be irrationally annoyed to be saddled with a fainter who couldn’t handle a couple of prossecos.

Yep.

Sparklfairy · 05/04/2024 11:32

OneBrightCrow · 05/04/2024 11:26

I agree it would look odd and In hindsight I wish I’d left when I first felt unwell, but I didn’t want to miss the speeches and thought it would pass after a minute or so…. But I just started to feel worse to the point that I was worried about getting up.

Show quote history

If you were worried that suddenly getting up and moving around would make you feel worse/you'd collapse then you did the right thing putting your head down. You couldn't help feeling unwell, unless you have form for stealing the spotlight (only kidding!) then your husband was needlessly escalating things to a row.

K0OLA1D · 05/04/2024 11:33

DustyLee123 · 05/04/2024 11:28

Putting your head on the table is rude, you should have left immediately.
I can see why he is embarrassed.

I suffer with anemia and if I stood and tried to leave immediately the speeches would have most certainly been stopped.

Don't give a shit if some snob thinks it's rude.

LunaNorth · 05/04/2024 11:34

It depends where you were sitting. Somewhere at the back while everyone was watching the speeches, yanbu. On the top table, not so much.

Wish44 · 05/04/2024 11:34

It’s really hard to make good decisions when you are unwell. Especially when you are in public and there are other things to consider.

he is a knob for getting angry about this.

ILoveLegDay · 05/04/2024 11:34

It's actually better to put legs up and head back. Maybe you could have put your feet on the table instead?

Princesspollyyy · 05/04/2024 11:34

I would have been really embarrassed by you putting your head down on the table too. You should have just left at the first sign of feeling unwell, why try and listen to the speeches if you feel that unwell?

How would you have felt if he had put his head on the table?

MonsteraMama · 05/04/2024 11:34

I get it OP, I suffer from fainting spells and I know when you get that clammy, woozy feeling standing up is the worst thing you can do, you feel like you'll faint or hurl everywhere which would definitely have drawn more attention than putting your head down and taking those steadying breaths.

Your husband sounds like a twat. You were very reasonable considering you were unwell, trying to encourage him to rejoin the party and leave you be to chill a bit. Not your fault you were unwell and he doesn't sound very sympathetic at all.

What's he like when he's ill?

Princesspollyyy · 05/04/2024 11:34

ILoveLegDay · 05/04/2024 11:34

It's actually better to put legs up and head back. Maybe you could have put your feet on the table instead?

😂😂😂😂

TheresaCrowd · 05/04/2024 11:35

You were boozing on an empty stomach. If my DH did that and then stuck his head on the table, I'd be embarrassed and annoyed too.

Having said that, I would've escorted him outside but it sounds as though you refused to go?

Sparklfairy · 05/04/2024 11:35

Princesspollyyy · 05/04/2024 11:34

I would have been really embarrassed by you putting your head down on the table too. You should have just left at the first sign of feeling unwell, why try and listen to the speeches if you feel that unwell?

How would you have felt if he had put his head on the table?

Seriously? Have you never felt like this? I'd be more embarrassed at the prospect of fainting in the middle of the speeches! Sometimes you just have to take the lesser of all the evils, and in this case that was to put her head down and hope it would pass with as little drama and chaos as possible.

KreedKafer · 05/04/2024 11:36

I’d be embarrassed if my partner suddenly put his head down on the table and stayed there during someone’s wedding speeches. I appreciate you were feeling unwell and didn’t want to get up in case you were sick, but it didn’t look that way to him or anyone else, especially as it was an occasion where the Prosecco was flowing freely. Your partner probably thought, not unreasonably, that you were just tipsy and wanted to avoid a scene. Once he realised otherwise, he should have apologised, but I think you’re being a bit dramatic about all this. It’s done and dusted now. Let it go.

FrypanFran · 05/04/2024 11:36

Screamingabdabz · 05/04/2024 11:31

I would’ve been embarrassed by this too. Not saying it’s your fault, or that your DH was reasonable. He was a dick and it’s indefensible. But yes, in front of friends on a wedding day I would be irrationally annoyed to be saddled with a fainter who couldn’t handle a couple of prossecos.

I agree. You weren't feeling unwell from a flu or something you ate that you couldn't really control. You had too much to drink on an empty stomach at a big event. That was on you. He didn't have to be so uncaring, but I understand his pov as pp have said.

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