Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Husband embarrassed when I felt unwell

586 replies

OneBrightCrow · 05/04/2024 11:18

My husband and I were at the wedding of one of his uni friends on Wednesday. It was a great day however I came over unwell during the speeches, probably due to not having enough to eat before a couple of Proseccos. I was not drunk at all, but came over pale, felt clammy and like I was going to collapse. I didn’t want to cause a fuss by getting up and leaving, but felt so awful that I put my head down on the table. I understand that this could have looked rude but I’m pretty sure the other tables did not notice, and everyone on our table could see that something wasn’t right.

Despite asking my husband to just leave me be for a few minutes, he persisted in trying to get me to leave the room, but his persistence was really not helping, and I tried explaining that if I stood up I was afraid I would collapse or be sick, and I absolutely did not want that to happen.

He wouldn’t let it go so eventually I managed to stand up and sat outside for a bit until I felt better; but I wasn’t quite right for the rest of the day. I chose not to drink any more, but even after multiple glasses of water I was struggling with the noisy room and drunk people getting a bit close for comfort. We found a quiet room with a sofa where I sat for a while, and he asked if I wanted to leave. I said no but we argued when I tried encouraging him to rejoin the party so that he could see his uni friends that he rarely gets to see, including his best friend who had come just for the evening reception; but he kept saying we should be there as a couple.

He got a bit arsey, questioning how I was feeling and saying that he has never known me to “do this” as though I was choosing to behave this way. I said I felt very pressured by him, and was hurt that he had been more concerned about how I was appearing to other people than whether I was OK!

He eventually stormed off and returned about half an hour where we argued again, so I just grit my teeth and rejoined the party even though I still felt unwell.

It’s left me feeling quite hurt about it, and even when I tried talking to him about it (thinking that now he’s sober he would be a bit apologetic) he maintains that putting my head on the table was rude and we would have to agree to disagree.

Am I being unreasonable in feeling hurt??

OP posts:
Thread gallery
20
OneBrightCrow · 08/04/2024 16:14

Oblomov24 · 07/04/2024 19:07

I disagree with most, I think your behaviour was very odd and not ok. You were very silly to not consider eating something earlier, even if not drinking, to also line your stomach for the Prosecco coming. Putting your head on the table? Feeling so unwell you couldn't stand up. He gave you loads of chances, asked you loads of times. This was a rare occasion, he hadn't seen these uni friends for ages, he'd been looking forward to this for ages, and you ruined it all, I'm not surprised at his frustration.

Thank goodness you’re here as you seem to have a much better recollection of what actually happened 🙄

OP posts:
OneBrightCrow · 08/04/2024 16:16

GeorgeMummy · 07/04/2024 21:28

I have thought about this some more. She should have told DH straight away and let him handle the situation. He was most likely annoyed by her refusal to accept his help. He was probably very worried about her.

I’d like to have seen him handle my subsequent collapse/vomit but fear that may have been slightly more mortifying than my embarrassing head on table.

OP posts:
PigeonEgg · 08/04/2024 16:20

If my DH put his head on the table, at a wedding, during a speech, because he drank on an empty stomach I'd not be impressed!

OneBrightCrow · 08/04/2024 16:22

MNersSufferFromContextomy · 08/04/2024 14:13

Your husband was being unreasonable as he wasn't supporting you for his own selfish reasons. He didn't believe you and should have a lot of making up to do.

Have you had this before? Do you have any other digestive issues? Burping, heartburn, etc...? My wife had a similar issue to what you described several times, but with some other symptoms and she ended up having a gluten allergy amongst other random food allergies that popped up out of the blue. If you desperately needed a number 2 after your funny turn, this is also a common side effect of a food allergy.

Further investigation found she had a bacterial infection in her stomach called Helicobacter Pylori. Nasty business. This caused her food allergies to develop. I hope your issue was what you thought it was OP, but look into it if you have any other weird symptoms that you may have been brushing off without realising.

I’ve had a couple of episodes like this, and the common denominator is always food rather than alcohol (although obv I had alcohol on this occasion), so my gut feeling is that it’s blood sugar related….. or something to do with my body prioritising the food digestion over keeping my head and limbs in full function 🤣 Definitely something to keep in mind for the future.

Will make this my last post as this thread is a dead horse that’s been well and truly flogged.

OP posts:
Sweden99 · 08/04/2024 16:28

PigeonEgg · 08/04/2024 16:20

If my DH put his head on the table, at a wedding, during a speech, because he drank on an empty stomach I'd not be impressed!

Yes, perhaps so. But we have different standards daft though they might be. I am sure almost every poster would expect their husband to look after them, despite how they write on here.

queenMab99 · 08/04/2024 16:35

He is an absolute bastard, that message to the bride and groom would be the last straw for me! He has put you in an impossible position, anything you say to correct this disinformation will sound pathetic, I feel really angry on your behalf.

GoldEagle · 08/04/2024 16:41

TheSnowyOwl · 05/04/2024 11:24

He probably felt that you had embarrassed him by getting drunk in front of your friends. Whilst you say you were drunk, you do blame on it on drinking on an empty stomach.

Try reading the post again, OP specifically said she was not drunk.

GoingDownLikeBHS · 08/04/2024 16:43

queenMab99 · 08/04/2024 16:35

He is an absolute bastard, that message to the bride and groom would be the last straw for me! He has put you in an impossible position, anything you say to correct this disinformation will sound pathetic, I feel really angry on your behalf.

Yes OP that was a really shit thing to do. I know some answers on the thread have been lighthearted but it's sort of gone from him being an asshole to him being very unpleasant indeed.

MNersSufferFromContextomy · 08/04/2024 17:21

OneBrightCrow · 08/04/2024 16:22

I’ve had a couple of episodes like this, and the common denominator is always food rather than alcohol (although obv I had alcohol on this occasion), so my gut feeling is that it’s blood sugar related….. or something to do with my body prioritising the food digestion over keeping my head and limbs in full function 🤣 Definitely something to keep in mind for the future.

Will make this my last post as this thread is a dead horse that’s been well and truly flogged.

Yes, your symptoms sound eerily similar to my wife’s. I think you have a food allergy, perhaps wheat, gluten or soy. I recommend you ask the doctors to investigate. If you were not born with an allergy, an infection such as helicobacter pylori can cause allergies, as well as cancer. Look it up. Best of luck op!

GeorgeMummy · 08/04/2024 17:41

What you say really makes sense. But sometimes the DH is just being a selfish jerk.
I had a nasty spiral fracture in my upper right arm. He was normal at home and kind.
When we were asked to a special party he refused to help me with cutting up food or taking my coat on and off.
The other guests noticed and were contemptuous towards him when he grumbled about me.

Nantescalling · 15/04/2024 01:09

Sapphire387 · 05/04/2024 11:21

I can see why you feel hurt. It's not just about the head on table - he sounds like he didn't actually believe you were feeling unwell. There seems to be an element of treating you as an accessory - 'we need to present ourselves well as a couple'.

I do think you should have tried to leave the room rather than put your head on the table... or perhaps leaned on him instead? But it's not a big deal. I hope you are feeling better now.

Do you think he would have been happy if she stood up and puked in front of his Uni pals?

New posts on this thread. Refresh page
Swipe left for the next trending thread